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AIBU to put £20 in a card?

(109 Posts)
Madredear Tue 21-Jul-15 07:35:29

A cousin of mine has invited me and OH to their wedding in August, but we're really skint at the moment, and she specifically ASKED for cash on the invitation, so I can't buy a nice gift.

Is £20 unreasonable? hmm

AuntyMag10 Tue 21-Jul-15 07:36:43

Very rude of her to ask for cash, but that amount is more than fine.

PrettyLittleMitty Tue 21-Jul-15 07:40:33

Absolutely fine. Bit cheeky asking guests for cash though.

pasturesgreen Tue 21-Jul-15 07:42:04

Yes, dreadfully cringey ti be asking for cash!

Are you going for the whole thing or just the evening do? I'd the latter, £20 seems reasonable.

Szeli Tue 21-Jul-15 07:43:21

£25 was about average for daytime guests at our wedding

Ankleswingers Tue 21-Jul-15 07:43:23

Agree v rude to ask for cash. So many couples do it and I find it so cheeky. The amount you are giving is perfectly acceptable OP.

Mrsjayy Tue 21-Jul-15 07:44:39

Yeah its fine i would never pay over 30 from a wedding list anyway get a gift envelope and just hand it to them. I dont think its cheeky to ask for cash couples are more than likely live together and probably have a toaster

redshoeblueshoe Tue 21-Jul-15 07:53:21

I think the amount is fine. In the last 10 years every wedding I've been to they have asked for cash or vouchers - I think its much easier than trying to think of something the couple would like
<send me the poems too - brightens up my day> grin

MaidOfStars Tue 21-Jul-15 07:55:15

If you're really skint, buy a bottle of Aldi Prosecco and be done with it. I hate cash requests so would have no problems ignoring them...

1Morewineplease Tue 21-Jul-15 07:58:05

Ditto the prosecco and pop it in a nice bag... Should come in at under 20 quid.

Notso Tue 21-Jul-15 08:23:13

You don't have to give cash, just like you don't have to buy from a gift list or even buy a present at all if you can't afford it.

Madredear Tue 21-Jul-15 08:31:47

I was just going to go for the evening but I've been invited to the reception, so will be attending both.

Other posters, I also thought it was terribly rude for her to ask for cash but didn't want to say so because I haven't had a lot of experience with wedding etiquette and someone else on MN might've put me in my place lol grin

Mrsjayy Tue 21-Jul-15 08:55:19

Yeah you dont have to do anything if you want to get them something then do it no gifts sounds like an order but what will she do if you buy a gift

crazykat Tue 21-Jul-15 09:32:09

I've got no problem with being asked for cash or given a link to a gift list (unless the cheapest item is over £100). I prefer it as I'd rather give cash/vouchers than something they don't want/like.

I think £20 is fine. Sil is getting £50 from us in a few weeks as that's all we can afford with everything else we have to spend (outfits, drinks, taxi etc).

Pippa12 Tue 21-Jul-15 11:17:42

I never understand why is asking for cash is rude but sending out a gift list for John bloody Lewis isn't grin

£20 is fine, £10 is a lovely gesture too. Dont give more than you can afford, nobody would want that! I've never been to a wedding were they didn't ask for cash! It would be rude is they said no less than a £20 please!

redshoeblueshoe Tue 21-Jul-15 11:52:52

Pippa grin I also agree that most decent people would be happy to receive a bottle of prosecco

MaidOfStars Tue 21-Jul-15 12:45:35

I never understand why is asking for cash is rude but sending out a gift list for John bloody Lewis isn't

Both are rude. Neither is rude if, when a guest requests gift ideas, they are prodded in either direction.

I've never been to a wedding were they didn't ask for cash

I've only been to one where they did ask for cash. I was mildly disappointed with the couple. wink

Jackie0 Tue 21-Jul-15 12:47:52

I'm horrified that people ask for cash.
Unbelievably crass sad

KleineDracheKokosnuss Tue 21-Jul-15 12:54:32

I wish more would ask for cash. Its easier that either them trying to come up with a list despite (usually) already having everything they need, or trying to work out what would be a suitable gift. * eyes the bottles of fizz that are still in the cupboard from my wedding eight years ago *

20 is fine.

Mrsjayy Tue 21-Jul-15 13:36:02

I prefer to give money or vouchers I dont think asking for money is rude or crass.

Pippa12 Tue 21-Jul-15 14:45:24

Maybe it's a social circle/regional thing. I've genuinely never been to a wedding without a cash/gift list request and my friends and family have never winced. We asked for holiday vouchers, everybody participated, I couldn't tell you who gave what amount, I was more pleased that they came and had a good time. I'm surprised at the amount of horrified replies, and perplexed to why it is deemed so crass. Perhaps us lot in the north have no manners grin

Notasinglefuckwasgiven Tue 21-Jul-15 14:54:09

Two weddings and I did neither. Seemed rude! People were spending enough to come yet again to another of my weddings

russiandwarf Tue 21-Jul-15 15:11:02

I don't think it's rude or crass to request money or vouchers, especially if you live together and have everything already. Otherwise there will be people who go ahead and guess and literally waste money on unecessary items! It depends how it's worded but IMO no different than asking for someone to buy from a gift list. At least with money/vouchers the amount is up to you. There is no obligation either way.
I think £20 is perfectly fine, I'm sure it will be much appreciated, as will your attendance. Hope you have a lovely time smile

TheCatsMother99 Tue 21-Jul-15 15:13:35


Yes, people ask for money rather than gifts nowadays but no, I can't imagine they'd expect you to give more than you could afford.

Summerwood1 Tue 21-Jul-15 15:14:50

Can you just send a really nice wedding day card instead of having to put cash in it? Otherwise £10 or £20 is very acceptable the cheeky things!!!

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