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To tell a white lie to DH

(265 Posts)
yeoldeoaktree Tue 21-Jul-15 07:10:45

It's my friends hen do next week and it's in a different area of the country. I was thinking of going by plane as this is quicker and cheaper. I told DH about this ages ago but he forgot.

DH wants us to go away for the weekend as its my birthday the week after next, and this weekend fits better into his plans than next. WIBU to tell him my friend bought my plane tickets so he feels I can't pull out?

MrsHathaway Tue 21-Jul-15 07:12:37

Why can't you say "not this weekend, I'm going to X's hen do"?

lionheart Tue 21-Jul-15 07:12:37

Yes. Why not be honest?

caravanista13 Tue 21-Jul-15 07:13:32

Surely if you've committed to a hen do then you can't be expected to do anything else?

eurochick Tue 21-Jul-15 07:13:54

Surely you just say "that doesn't work, don't you remember - I have that hen do to go to".

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle Tue 21-Jul-15 07:14:07

Weird unnecessary lie. "I can't go away next weekend, its xxx hen do, sorry. Another time?".

Simple.

FenellaFellorick Tue 21-Jul-15 07:14:33

Could you not just say no, I committed to this first and I don't want to pull out

This weekend may fit better into his plans but it doesn't into yours.

Won't he accept that you already have plans?

Zippidydoodah Tue 21-Jul-15 07:16:32

How bizarre that you feel you have to lie to him instead of simply saying "sorry, can't do that weekend!" And finding another mutually suitable date? hmm

MrsBobDylan Tue 21-Jul-15 07:20:04

I don't see anything wrong with what you're doing.There's no need to tell a white lie as the truth is reasonable.

It sounds a bit worrying that you even feel you need to tell a white lie. It's your birthday, you can choose how you celebrate it, this weekend doesn't work for you, you have plans.

Your dh sounds unreasonable IMO, if he's making you feel you need to lie in order to go on a pretty planned event.

ilovesooty Tue 21-Jul-15 07:22:59

I don't understand this. You already have plans.

yeoldeoaktree Tue 21-Jul-15 07:23:11

I feel like if I say I want to go to my friends hen party I'll disturb things a bit, as he will think I think my friend and getting pissed is more important than spending quality time with him. Whatever I do someone will be disappointed in me so it's easier if I lie.

MrsBobDylan Tue 21-Jul-15 07:23:32

Pre planned, not pretty. Gah!

GoodbyeToAllOfThat Tue 21-Jul-15 07:25:15

It is the easy route, sure. Consider though that you're setting precedent for future lies.

Be relentlessly truthful in your marriage at all times, let it become a habit (bar white lies that are truly white lies, i.e. your haircut looks great - yours is not a white lie FYI).

LineRunner Tue 21-Jul-15 07:25:26

You mean he'll get arsey with you??

ShadowFire Tue 21-Jul-15 07:27:09

Why not tell him that the hen do has been organised for ages, and you'd feel bad about letting down your friends if you cancel on them at the last minute?

LadyintheRadiator Tue 21-Jul-15 07:27:21

He wants you to cancel your plans to fit in with his?

So his plans are more important than yours?

VegasIsBest Tue 21-Jul-15 07:27:57

Why would he think your friend is 'more' important than him. He will just recognise that you have an existing commitment.

If you want to have a happy marriage you need to be able to communicate openly and clearly with each other.

MrsHathaway Tue 21-Jul-15 07:28:39

If he's so possessive of you that you feel you have to lie to justify spending time with your friends... then you should be posting in Relationships, not AIBU.

iwantgin Tue 21-Jul-15 07:31:02

YWBU, yes.

You have made plans already. it is irrelevant who paid for the tickets. You have committed that time to your friends.

Your DH will have to be content with a different weekend.

Do you have a shared calendar so that you can see what each other is doing? Invaluable ime,

Mrsjayy Tue 21-Jul-15 07:32:26

Thats a shame you feel you need to lie to keep everybody happy but you did tell him he forgot why didnt you say dh i told you i was going to the hen do when he suggested the weekend ? Is he always so insecure about who you like best,

yeoldeoaktree Tue 21-Jul-15 07:33:19

The shared calendars a good idea actually, we often end up forgetting what the others doing.

He'd just get moody and sulky and then go on about it at a later date if I went, it's easier to present it as a decision that's already made for me as then if he gets moody I can just blame my friend.

maras2 Tue 21-Jul-15 07:33:50

It's not just any old pissup though,is it? It's a friend's hen party which has already been discussed. Don't lie.If you feel that you have to to stop him kicking off or even just whinging,then you need to take a good look at your relationship.

LineRunner Tue 21-Jul-15 07:37:08

Why didn't you remind him of your plans as soon as he suggested the weekend away?

trollkonor Tue 21-Jul-15 07:38:01

You would be unreasonable. You have plans so you ned to say sorry, dont you remember that I have plans.

IrenetheQuaint Tue 21-Jul-15 07:39:22

Is he usually this selfish and manipulative?

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