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MIL birthday cake - I know I am being childish

(415 Posts)
Happy36 Mon 20-Jul-15 17:19:29

Today is MIL's birthday. We are on holiday with them so all staying in the same house. She spends the entire time in the kitchen watching television. Last night I went into the kitchen and said, I hope you don't mind, I am going to make a cake. It's her birthday today and I bake rarely; my husband who helped me with the cakes vakes even less frequently than I do. So it was pretty obvious we were making her birthday cake.

Then after she had gone to bed, we iced and decorated the cake and put it in the fridge, where everyone could see it.

This morning my husband spoke to his father and said that we would give MIL her gifts and sing Happy Birthday and cut the cake after lunch (when my husband's younger brother usually gets up). So I told the children and they were wonderfully stoical about waiting until 4pm to give their grandmother their cards and gifts, and to try the cake.

Now it's 6.15pm and there's no sign of any present-giving, (slightly irrelevant but I am angry so I'll add that brother-in-law has eaten multiple slices of brioche smothered in Nutella) and the kids know that they mustn't complain as it's not their birthday which is almost heartbreaking to watch. I asked my husband to have another word with his dad but he said it would be rude as it's his mum's day and we will do the singing, etc. when she says she wants to.

Now father in law has just shouted upstairs that we are going out in 20 minutes. I have no idea what is going on and my husband is taking a nap.

I know I am being very childish but I rwally needed to rant. Sorry.

ilovespinach Mon 20-Jul-15 17:24:16

You're not the one who's being childish.

Hassled Mon 20-Jul-15 17:26:04

Just get the cake out of the fridge, rally the kids and start singing. This is madness.

Happy36 Mon 20-Jul-15 17:28:30

Thanks, both. Is it bad to have a daydream about devouring the cake in a midnight feast with the kids then going out to the gym all day tomorrow while someone else deals with the sugar hangover and general aftermath of stealing back a birthday cake from a 60 something year old woman?

LilacWine7 Mon 20-Jul-15 17:28:31

Maybe there's a surprise celebration planned for your MIL?

I don't see why the cake needs to be cut at lunchtime. In my family we always wait until evening to cut the cake and open presents (my mum insists it has to be dark before we light the candles!)

Or maybe your MIL just prefers to have her cake and presents a bit later?

PoppyBlossom Mon 20-Jul-15 17:30:59

I'm a bit confused. Is your mil a woman who doesn't like fuss? Or does she expect you to be mind readers?
Id ask around if anyone wants a cup of tea, make hot drinks for all that want and then get your dh to bring the cake out and start singing along as you walk, minimal fuss and it's over with then.

goldenhen Mon 20-Jul-15 17:32:16

I don't think it should be up to the birthday-person to ask for the cake, I think the cake givers should bring it to them at some point. I would feel presumptuous and rude going "can I have my cake now"!

I'm not sure what more you could have done, but if I was your husband I'd have had a word with my dad as you suggested.

Happy36 Mon 20-Jul-15 17:33:55

Hi Lilac, you are more rational than me. If there is a surprise, wouldn't I know about it? (Also the family is really not the surprise type). Kids are usually in bed by 8ish, as the in-laws know, so going out suddenly at 7 is already a bit strange.

I get your point about the cake. Usually in this family, the cake is breakfast, but MIL wanted to wait for BIL to get up, which was around 1.30pm today (on other days, it has been a little later). Again, evening cake is a little odd as cake is really for the kids and they'll be going to bed.

I am less angry now, more baffled.

This is the problem with holidays...too much free time to get worked up about little things.

goldenhen Mon 20-Jul-15 17:34:01

But yeah I would do what Hassled said. Quick before it gets dark!

Happy36 Mon 20-Jul-15 17:35:46

Poppy , she adores fuss and being centre of attention.

GoodbyeToAllOfThat Mon 20-Jul-15 17:39:04

Either your husband or your FIL should have rallied everyone around to sing HB and eat the cake.

PurpleSwift Mon 20-Jul-15 17:39:06

Just bring out the cake. Why do you need to ask?

Happy36 Mon 20-Jul-15 17:40:46

Purple , I wish I could. I don't really have that level of authority.

PurpleSwift Mon 20-Jul-15 17:43:28

I'm sure MIL would love it. Or just get the kids to bring out. I'm sorry your hard work is going unnoticed.

Hassled Mon 20-Jul-15 17:43:52

Yes you do. What can they possibly say? It's her birthday, you've made her a cake, here's the cake. How can that possibly be an issue?

SolasEile Mon 20-Jul-15 17:43:52

Did she or your FIL ask you to make her a cake? It's a nice gesture but personally I wouldn't be bothered my head baking a cake for someone unless they wanted me to and I knew they would appreciate it. Next time just leave it up to your FIL and he can buy her a cake from a bakery if he's bothered. Or just invite her out for a meal so it's clear when you are celebrating and she can't fob you off.

I know your DC are excited but making the cake probably just hyped them up. Certainly with my nearly-4 year old if there is a whiff of cake in a 10 mile radius he loses all capacity to think about anything but CAKE!!! If nothing happens today, maybe just take the DC out for their own treat at a local bakery tomorrow so it's no big deal for them.

lutra3d Mon 20-Jul-15 17:44:13

The cake is a gift so you can give it to MIL whenever you like.

<We always do cake after tea though. Cake for breakfast is just wrong!>

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Mon 20-Jul-15 17:45:31

In confused, are you expecting MIL to come down and ask for the cake?

Marshy Mon 20-Jul-15 17:46:57

Blimey! It's just a birthday cake. How did you ever manage to organise all going on holiday together?

WipsGlitter Mon 20-Jul-15 17:47:15

Birthday cake at breakfast?!

Just say to fil can we do the cake before going out the kids are really looking forwards to it.

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 20-Jul-15 17:48:41

The cake is from YOU so you get to bring it out. I don't really have that level of authority. You choose that. If you are happy to have no power; fine. But you choose that.

Fairy13 Mon 20-Jul-15 17:48:48

Everyone knows cake is at 3pm. It MiGHt be in the evening, if you've been out for dinner and back to theirs for cake.

It's the cake provider, not the recipient who decides the schedule, as even if she has seen it, you are supposed to keep up the pretence of it being a 'surprise'.

I don't understand why you haven't brought it out already.

Happy36 Mon 20-Jul-15 17:49:12

SolasEile She bakes for all of the other family birthdays (and at other times, maybe once a month) and I bake on her birthday and my husband's and kids' and she always appears to enjoy eating my cakes.

To others (sorry not to name...on phone so scrolling is awkward)...if I were to take out the cake, my husband and father-in-law will go mad. Unfortunately, our kids are too well-trained to touch or ask about someone else's cake (wish I were that well behaved!)

Half hour delay to going out as husband and BIL still napping.

FarFromAnyRoad Mon 20-Jul-15 17:51:07

Has she been hiding upstairs the whole day? All of it? The cake is the least of the issues here!

Happy36 Mon 20-Jul-15 17:51:16

Grotbag, my MIL told FIL she wanted the cake at 4pm. Then changed her mind and said "later". She will tell him when / if she wants it.

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