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To take my DC and just run away?

(40 Posts)
QuestioningStuff Mon 20-Jul-15 13:21:01

Because that's really what I feel like doing. I have DS1 who is 3 and DS2 who is 8 months. It is just us.

I am so down. I cry on and off for most of the day. I hate that my children are being put through this and I have nobody to help. I feel suffocated by where I live. I want to take them and just get on a train somewhere far away and not look back. I really can't see a reason not to right now. Has anyone just left their old life completely behind and it worked?

FenellaFellorick Mon 20-Jul-15 13:23:10

I'm really sorry you're feeling like this thanks do you want to talk about what's going on that's making you feel this way? x

StarsInTheNightSky Mon 20-Jul-15 13:26:29

flowers It sounds like you're in a horrible spot at the moment. Would it help to give some more details and see if anyone on here can help at all? I doubt it will help to hear it but yes, DH and I took DS and our pets and left. We now have a whole new life in South America and we're finally happy.x

StarsInTheNightSky Mon 20-Jul-15 13:27:42

I should add that we also went NC with the vast majority of our families and friends (for very good reasons).

QuestioningStuff Mon 20-Jul-15 13:28:09

I don't know exactly why I feel this way. I left exP a while ago who was abusive and now I'm struggling to stay on top of everything. My family just don't care, my parents are too wrapped up in themselves to notice me screaming for help. I have no friends as ExP cut me off from everyone. My house is a mess, I have nobody to talk to other than a difficult 3 year old.

I know running away won't necessarily solve those problems but that's just what I want to do right now

StarsInTheNightSky Mon 20-Jul-15 13:31:59

That sounds awful. Do you have a surestart children's centre near you? I've heard a lot of people say how helpful they are. For your parents, the stately homes thread on the relationships board is a great source of knowledge and support.

TheXxed Mon 20-Jul-15 13:34:36

Have you spoken to your Health Visitor?, a friend of mine was able to get the council to pay for a nursery placement for her DC when she was in a difficult place and needed support.

Lovewearingjeans Mon 20-Jul-15 13:37:59

Can you go and see your GP? Or talk to your health visitor? It sounds like you have been through a lot, and with a small baby and toddler too. Your hv might be able to put you in touch with home start, who arrange for someone to come round your house and help with the children, while you have a bit of time for you. It's ok to go to these people to ask for help. flowers

FenellaFellorick Mon 20-Jul-15 13:38:03

so you have no help and support now and you want to move to where you would have no help and support? You wouldn't be moving closer to people that could be there for you? Or to somewhere you are happy and familiar with? You'd be alone in a new place, still with nobody to talk to except your three year old?

When there, do you think you would be able to get out there and join groups? Be open to meeting people? Do things that would mean you had more interaction with people? How would you get the help that you need and want now but aren't getting?

A fresh start can work. It can. If you think you know what, it actually would feel better to be far enough away from my family that them being there for me is out of the question, instead of me living round the corner from them and knowing they still aren't in my corner. It would be better to know nobody and to start with a clean slate and have people take me as they find me now...

BUT. The risk is that you would be in a new area, where you know nobody, and you wouldn't get out there, you wouldn't go in search of new friendships and you would be in the new house, in the new area, in exactly the same situation you're in now.

If you feel a fresh start is what you need then great, go for it, but you need to be clear on what you would do, once there, that would change your life.

Also, you sound so very very low. Would you consider going to the gp for a chat?

CharlotteCollins Mon 20-Jul-15 13:39:14

If you're in a place surrounded by memories and the effects of your ex meddling in your life, then yes, I'd say a fresh start could be just the thing you need.

It will need planning, though. Don't just jump on a train and go. The planning will give you a sense of purpose which will help you feel more positive.

QuestioningStuff Mon 20-Jul-15 13:40:24

I found going to the surestart difficult as all the parents are older than me and I feel judged. I really wouldn't like someone I don't know coming to 'help' with my children.

roomwithabroom Mon 20-Jul-15 13:42:31

Please call the doctor/ health visitor now. It doesn't have to be like this.

I was you and I got help, life does get better x

CharlotteCollins Mon 20-Jul-15 14:02:32

Ah. Well if you find it hard to accept help from people whose job is to help, then I'm not so sure you will be able to make a fresh start work.

When I was leaving my abusive partner, I leaned on the support of all the professionals I could. I didn't think about being judged. And I only needed their support for six months or so and haven't seen them since, so it wouldn't really matter if I had felt judged.

QuestioningStuff Mon 20-Jul-15 14:09:17

I'm scared what will happen if I go to gp. My kids only have me

StarsInTheNightSky Mon 20-Jul-15 14:12:31

Is money an issue? Could you afford some private counselling? A lot of counsellors will let you bring your children if you have nobody to leave them with.

Balanced12 Mon 20-Jul-15 14:14:18

Going to the GP and asking sounds like a positive step for both you and your children do not worry your GP is there to help flowers

Balanced12 Mon 20-Jul-15 14:15:05

Going to the GP is scary but it may be one of the best things you ever do for you

Lovewearingjeans Mon 20-Jul-15 14:16:33

Meds aren't for everyone, but they can help to bring you up a bit.

WoonerismSpit Mon 20-Jul-15 14:18:07

Whereabouts are you based OP? Some MNetters may know of some helpful baby groups, or places to go

BPDhistory Mon 20-Jul-15 14:19:29

Not sure how old you are but only going on the ages of people when I was there would you be able to go to a young parents group?

I get the wanting to run away...however it won't necessarily make things better.

I am on my own and moved to a new town... not really a choice I just had to move away from ex. I made myself go to all sorts of parent toddler groups, some I hated , some I tolerated but I did set up a network of people I could rely on.

Can you go to college and use the creche...All these things might help..Like others have said speak to your HV too.

QuestioningStuff Mon 20-Jul-15 14:21:57

I have been on meds before and they made me a lot worse. I know you have to find the right ones but I'm just scared to take that risk because things really can't go wrong right now. I am in east london. I know some people don't care about being judged but I have 2 DC and I'm 19 since I had DS1 at 16 I have been judged constantly and it can grind you down to the point where you just can't take it. I feel like I have to prove myself more than other parents and I don't want to be patronised

FenellaFellorick Mon 20-Jul-15 14:29:23

If your children only have you then it is even more vital that you put aside feelings of being judged etc and do what is needed in order to ensure that you are able to be the best for them.

They need you.
Which means you need to take care of yourself.

peacefuleasyfeeling Mon 20-Jul-15 14:30:56

This sounds just like where my mum was at at 19. 50 years ago. Very difficult. I really feel for you and I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Hugs.

StarsInTheNightSky Mon 20-Jul-15 14:37:13

Could you afford to move elsewhere? It does take careful planning but can sometimes give you the breathing space you need. You could start fresh, in a whole new area, with a whole new set of people to make friends. Settling somewhere else does take effort, but it really can help.
I can't relate to being judges for your age, but when I was pregnant with DS I was apparently a high risk for pnd/generally going off the rails as I'd had very severe PTSD previously. I did feel judged, despite having held down a very lucrative and senior job, and doing some fairly groundbreaking work in my field all across the world, spending time in other countries by personal request of their governments I was still treated like a child.
Even the hv said "oh I'm surprised you're so calm and confident, from your file I thought you'd be a wreck." It is horrible feeling like you're being judged. flowers

StarsInTheNightSky Mon 20-Jul-15 14:40:12

Oh yes, and when she saw my car in the drive she commented that my husband must have a great job and that "somebody's a lucky lady" angry. Anyway, my moaning isn't helpful, sorry. Are there any GPS who would be more sympathetic? You can request a different one, or even change surgery if its possible for you.

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