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Is anyone else on here massively anti-social?

(87 Posts)
TheHouseOnBellSt Sun 19-Jul-15 22:34:56

AIBU to be this way? DH thinks I need to try harder....I do like people but it tends to be on my terms....I hate people just dropping in so I discourage it but DH thinks this is bad...he LOVES people dropping in and feels that his life isn't as social as it would be if I would allow people to pop in.

Our neighbour popped in this afternoon...while I was trying to sew some curtains on the machine. She had her toddler with her and DC played with the toddler but neighbour wanted to chat to me while I sewed.

She stayed for about an hour...when she'd gone I said to DH something like "I could have done without that." and he was very negative about my attitude...thing is, he doesn't know what it costs me to be friendly and costs me a lot...I have to be really concentrated in order to remain friendly and chatty i alone?

MitzyLeFrouf Sun 19-Jul-15 22:36:58

You're an introvert and he's an extrovert.

Neither of you are wrong.

TheHouseOnBellSt Sun 19-Jul-15 22:38:34

He says he's also an introvert....but he reckons he's just more flexible.

Wotsup Sun 19-Jul-15 22:39:27

I have my leave me alone!


TheHouseOnBellSt Sun 19-Jul-15 22:40:04


LindyHemming Sun 19-Jul-15 22:40:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

glamourousgranny42 Sun 19-Jul-15 22:41:54

YANBU. just had family stay for a couple of nights and it was really difficult. I dont need people around other thany my partner and kids and I need time away from them sometimes. It has taken me years to accept that being unsociable is ok and I think my son is thr same. We are pretty self sufficient entertainment wise.

PoppyShakespeare Sun 19-Jul-15 22:41:58

I've found it helpful in life to have friends, especially my neighbours. You never know when you might need their help so it's usually worth investing a little time and energy into cultivating good relations with the people around you?

But do actively enjoy chatting shit with just about anyone so I dunno

Slimmerforsummer Sun 19-Jul-15 22:42:32

Yup. Introvert here too. I could happily spend days or probably even weeks entirely on my own ( or out in public but by myself if you know what I mean!)
My partner is also an introvert though, so no conflict over it here.

I have always been happy to have one or two good friends ( and like you, it takes a lot of energy to be with them. One is an extrovert and thrives on company, the other is somewhere in the middle) and most people really really drain me.

TheHouseOnBellSt Sun 19-Jul-15 22:44:18

Poppy I do have friends....I just don't like it when they appear for nothing!

littlejohnnydory Sun 19-Jul-15 22:44:38

YANBU. I'm a definite introvert and hugely antisocial. I try to invite people round a lot for my dc because they enjoy having friends over but I hate it, find it really stressful. What I'm most looking forward to about the Summer holidays is not seeing other people and being left alone!

LashesandLipstick Sun 19-Jul-15 22:45:35

I hate that too. Rude in my opinion. What if I'm busy? What if I want to walk around naked? It's rude to assume you can drop in.

I'm an introvert. I wish extroverts would stop trying to "fix" us - I'm happy being less social

TheHouseOnBellSt Sun 19-Jul-15 22:46:17

LAshes exactly!

cariadlet Sun 19-Jul-15 22:46:27

Neither of you are BU - just different.

My neighbours (on both sides) are lovely and we'll chat if we see each other in the garden, but I wouldn't really like them just popping in. DP is a bit more sociable than me, and I think dd must have been swapped in the hospital cos she's very sociable. She loves calling round for friends or having them call round for her on the off chance that she wants to play out.

I'm such a miserable old bugger that if I see somebody I know in the supermarket my automatic reaction is to go down a different aisle so that I won't have to speak to them. grin

FuryFowler Sun 19-Jul-15 22:46:35

Yep me too!....
Some people I know can't get their heads round the fact that i like to do things like go for a walk, shoppinng and even coffee on my own.
My dh is more intorvert than I am to the point where he is too shy to strike up a convo in the playground with other parents

PoppyShakespeare Sun 19-Jul-15 22:50:02

sorry op didn't mean to suggest you had no friends! Only that, annoying as an unsolicited visit from a neighbour might be entertaining them could be worth the effort in the long run

DameMargaretOfChalfont Sun 19-Jul-15 22:50:35

DH and I are both introverts - we hate socialising, especially if its a spontaneous invitation.

Once in a while we will accept a social invitation - the last one being a NYE party. We accepted and then spent the 3 days before the event saying "Wish we weren't going"!!!

Neither of us are funny, witty or social butterflies.
We love routine and home.

Nothing wrong with that.

rollonthesummer Sun 19-Jul-15 22:50:40

I hate people just dropping in-I think its really rude!!

DameMargaretOfChalfont Sun 19-Jul-15 22:52:03

PS - We both have jobs which require us to be social and gregarious - I manage this because "It's work" - socially it's so different.

MagratGarlik Sun 19-Jul-15 22:52:21

Have you ever done a Myers-Briggs personality test?

I did one a few years ago and I'm as introverted as it's possible to be (dp is the other extreme). Yet, I have done jobs which require me to talk to audiences of almost 1000 people at a time. Being introverted is not about being "antisocial" or unable to tolerate company. I can put on a very good show when I have to present stuff and can be the life and soul of parties, etc, but it's about how willing you are to let people get to know the "real" you. I can do that stuff, so long as I have my own space at other times and I'm a control freak in terms of not having people just dropping by.

Either way, YANBU.

DoTheDuckFace Sun 19-Jul-15 22:54:41

I am so anti social I am surprised I actually have any friends. I never ever go and visit anyone. If they want to see me they have to come to me. I know it is shocking and I do only have 3 or 4 close friends but they know me and accept how I am.
I would be just as happy to be alone for days on end. When the kids go off to their dads I rather go shopping alone or better yet stay on by myself. My friend is the opposite she has to have plans for when her do is with his dad.

FrChewieLouie Sun 19-Jul-15 22:55:35

I'm the same as Magrat - off-the-scale introvert on the tests, but can perform when required. I find pretty much all social interaction leaves me unpleasantly 'wired' and I have to wind down, which takes ages.

It's worth making the effort, I've found, but yes, it does cost me in the way that you describe. I've lost good friendships through my aversion to inviting social contact.

Wafflenose Sun 19-Jul-15 22:56:45

I think that's just unsociable, rather than anti-social?

I'm also as introverted as it's possible to be. I'm a music teacher, so talk a lot for a living, but other than that, I just don't like people very much.

MitzyLeFrouf Sun 19-Jul-15 22:58:03

I'm quite sociable.

(just to balance it out a bit)

CrapBag Sun 19-Jul-15 23:00:56

A fellow introvert here. I force myself to socialise sometimes (sometimes I genuinely want to, other times I am making myself do it because I think I should and for the kids sake) but I'm happy to be at home, a lot! I like my little chats at the school gates, my odd night in/out and meeting up occasionally with a friend for breakfast or coffee but I enjoy my time alone, at home or even just with DH and the kids.

I find I dont enjoy big groups and it's really stressful. I have done it for a few years but I have decided that it's too much so have not been doing it a lot and I feel better for it. Others are less happy about that though but that's another thread!

When I do socialise I much prefer a few close friends when we can actually sit and chat. The louder/more people there are, the less I enjoy it.

I have recently decided that it's okay to be like this and not only conform to the life and soul of the party, always up for anything etc. That's great for those people but it's not for me and that's okay.

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