To hate the colour pink so much?

[Tootsiepops]

I am 5 and a bit months pregnant and we know we're having a girl. Friends and family know, and when people have asked if there's anything in particular they can get the little one as a gift, I've said we'll be very grateful for any presents anyone wants to buy the baby, but just not to go mad with pink because it's sexist bullshit

I've had a few raised eyebrows, but on the whole, people have been understanding...apart from my Mum. She keeps telling me she's painting the nursery in her house pink, and saying things like 'the baby can have pink when she's with her granny' which I'm starting to find infuriating.

Thing is - my brother died aged 29 three years ago under some fairly horrible circumstances, and my mum has kept his room exactly as it was all this time. Now that I'm pregnant, she's thrilled and now feels ready to re-decorate my brother's room and make it in to the baby's room.

Do I stfu and be thankful that my mum now has something positive to focus on, and put aside my principles about not wanting my daughter surrounded by pink crap? Or kick up a fuss? It sounds so petty, but I can't stand gendered stereotyping...

I would add, I got married 5 months after my brother died, and had planned a quick registry ceremony followed by a glorified piss up in our local, but when I saw how much the wedding planning took my mum's mind off her grief, we went for something much more elaborate at her insistence- including me wearing a designer 2000 wedding dress instead of the £90 one I wanted from bhs and I still feel resentful about it

[LashesandLipstick]

I hate the sickly sweet pink crap they make for girls. I don't mind some pink but seeing that insipid colour with sparkles everywhere makes me roll my eyes.

YANBU. It's your baby, I wouldn't have it either. Just talk to your mum and explain you'd prefer your daughters room to be a different colour

[Getthewonderwebout]

It's just a colour. Given the terrible loss you've all suffered and the fact that your baby is helping your mum move on, it's not worth getting het up over.

Yes, a lot f newborn clothes tend to be pink for a girl, blue for a boy. Clearly this is what sells. But there are lots of shops/online companies with a wider range of colours. I think most people just prefer pastels for newborns.

My parents buy god awful style clothes for DC. Colours are good, choice is grim. Anything that isn't too hideous is worn when we see them.

It's probably just excitement sending your mum pink crazy.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I loathe and detest pink. MIL was dying when I was pregnant and she could buy all the link tat she liked. It made her happy. I would STFU, let granny decorate and teach your DD all about gender stereotypes. It's the ocean she will be swimming in so you can't really avoid it.

[HerdofAntilop]

Does your mum do the internet? Could you introduce her to Pinterest? Sooooooo many beautiful pretty ideas to distract her from pink.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

*pink tat. I obviously can't even bring myself to write it.

[MayPolist]

You can't tell someone what colour to paint the walls in their own house.
personally I think people on MN are weird the way they rant on about pink.
personally I would think your mother moving on a bit was way more impoirtant than some half-baked feminist shit.

[countryandchickens]

Is it pink or is it girls' clothes you don't like?

I m the wrong person for these threads in a way but whilst I definitely am guilty of thinking my daughters are like little dolls, they don't actually have a lot of pink stuff. Copious amounts of lilac and floral prints though.

[southeastastra]

i think i would just let her do what pleases her, you won't have to live with it and it may be good for her.

[Pollyputthekettleon45]

It's just a colour. My 5 year old loves pink but also likes ninja turtles and mud. Aslong as you get the balance right when she is older you'll be fine.

[Peskyelephant]

I tried to resist the pink, but 4yo Dd loves pink, princesses and glittery things. I hope it's just a phase. Dress your baby however you want but don't worry too much about your mother's influence.

[CityDweller]

I'm with you. I hate the gender-colour-coding bollox for kids. It's one of the reasons we didn't find out what we were having as I didn't want to receive a bunch of pink or blue stuff (or even worse, awful slogan stuff like 'Mummy's little princess/ soldier').

However, if someone did give us something really girly I'd usually accept it with grace and then either donate to charity or pass on to a friend. In your situation, I wonder whether it's better just to work with your mum than to turn it into an 'issue'? It's a bit step for her, redecorating your brother's room, and surely an emotionally charged one too? Perhaps you could help her pick out a slightly less-offensive wallpaper or bedding, or whatever, for the room, for example?

As an aside, I've since realised that you can only regulate these things for so long. DD is now 2 and resolutely refuses to wear anything but dresses and absolutely has a fit if I suggest she wear the awesome Osh-Kosh denim dungarees I bought her .

[BrianButterfield]

Little baby girls tend to get a lot of pink but later on its easier to avoid. Dd I'd 19 months and has very few pink things, and those she does have are a deep pink that she suits. Of course when she gets older she might ask for it but you're not doomed to a pink house immediately!

[ShipShapeAhoy]

I hate gender stereotyping so much but in this situation I think I'd let my mum get on with doing the room pink. If it helps her with her grief I don't think it's worth kicking up a fuss about. Tbh I think the colour pink is the least of your worries when it comes to stereotyping. It's not going to be in your house so isnt really up to you anyway. (I don't mean that to sound mean).

[FirstWeTakeManhattan]

Of course you shouldn't kick up a fuss. Avoid pink if you like, lots of parents of girls do. There's tons of choice away from pink, it's not hard to find.

But if your mum is being so kind to make a nursery for your DD, and making it nice and pink and pretty helps her heal some painful wounds, then yes yes yes let her do it.

Be gracious and say you love it, then move on. It's only a bloody colour and definitely not worth risking your mother's feelings over. And it's a bit narrow to trot out 'pink crap' and 'pink tat' etc. There are some lovely things in soft pink blush colours, or strong cerise type pinks. My son has a lovely pink shirt.

[StonedGalah]

I cant get het up over pink for girls blue for boys that goes on on mn.

If it would help your dm I'd let fer. But then l guess it depends on how much you hate pink versus how much you love your dm.

[lornathewizzard]

I say let your Mum do what she wants in her own house. It sounds like it will be good for her and I think of all the things to be annoyed about, this probably shouldn't be anywhere near the top of your list. And I say that as someone who wouldn't opt for a pink nursery either.

[BabyFeets]

Oh I love pink! My rooms pink!

[HaHaPants]

What MayPolist said.

I hated the idea of pink before DD was born, but she loves it. It jis ust a colour and just a phase.

[ShelaghTurner]

Such a fuss about nothing. Two girls here and they have barely anything pink. It's not hard to avoid. I could not give less of a fuck about it. And your mum sounds like she needs a bit of slack

[steppedonlego]

It's just a colour. I would personally concentrate on how baby is treated. The amount of times I've had people tell me my daughter "should have been a boy" is ridiculous.

(Also, if you like unisex stuff, take a look at the little bird range in mothercare. So many lovely bright coloured things there)

[Icimoi]

I would just counsel against getting any fixed ideas, because ultimately your dd will develop her own tastes anyway. I swore an almighty oath that we wouldn't have toys like guns and swords - but DS made my knitting needles into swords. I swore an equally almighty oath that Barbie would never cross our threshold, but didn't have it in me to refuse when she was given one and clearly loved it.

[PaulineFossil]

I think the colour of a room at her Granny's house will have zero effect on your dd but it sounds like the colour of a room in her own house may have a very healing effect for your dm. How wonderful that your dd can help her family even before her birth.

If the room is an important thing for your mum, I'm sure that once your dd develops her first interests she will be delighted to add pictures, wall stickers or whatever to please her granddaughter when it's princesses, diggers or spiders.

[formerbabe]

You sound so ungrateful.

Your new dd will be so lucky to have a gm who is so excited to meet her she's decorating a room in her house just for her.

You also have lots of friends and family asking you what they can buy you as a gift.

And these facts are less important than some pc gender neutral crap.

[Ilovewheelychairs]

Could you perhaps suggest that she goes with a more neutral colour (yellow or cream?) with some pink wall stickers or something so she doesn't need to repaint for any future grandchildren after your DD?

[cariadlet]

I understand why you hate the stereotyping, but I think that if it's helping your mum then you should let her do what she wants in her house.

My experience was that whatever I did didn't seem to make any difference anyway - dd wore a lot of boys clothes as a baby (my ds has 3 boys so we got their clothes passed down to us), loved yellow and orange from about the age of 1, had a horrible pink phase in nursery, grew out of that a few years later and was very dismissive of pink as being something that little kids liked.