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Dsis is a bully and I think it's getting worse ...

(93 Posts)
SomeBastardStoleMyName Sun 19-Jul-15 20:32:52

My sister has been living with her DP for a year now, he has a 10 yr old DD whom he has 50:50 care for with his ex.

My DSis has gone into this relationship like a bear with a sore head for this child, initially she was trying to take over and wanted to attend all the child parent teacher meetings, tried to instigate extra intervention and all sorts (child struggles at school) whilst it was admirable she wanted to be involved, she has now backed off a lot and gets nothing more than annoyed and snipes at this girl. As I think she realised she was boldly going no where with that attitude (she even told me that she was fed up with the mothers lack of initiative and wanted her DP to go for full custody. I told her not to be daft as her mother had done a lot for her and no matter what she was doing it looked like she was trying to take over and was threatened by the ex wife.)

There have been several meet ups over the last year and whenever the daughter raises anything about her mother my sister point blank stares at me with a very hard stare and glares at me for even mentioning her mother in any respect (all I did was ask if she had looked at senior school !). She is always talking about them presenting a united front to the daughter and how she has had to be taught a few house rules etc, (DS has a VERY short temper) there has been several blow ups over the last few months between the daughter and DSis – she will think nothing of just blowing her top and yelling at the top of her voice at the girl until she does as demanded. Her DP does nothing in these situations as she has given her permission to ‘sort her out’ and when the arguments get to much he goes out.

Whenever there has been meet ups without the daughter my sister has done nothing but bitch and whinge about her, I’ve kept my mouth shut but have at times said to her to be lenient as she is only a young girl and she is adjusting to this situation as much as my sister was, this has resulted in a ‘Tough, I’m the adult she is the child she must do as I say.’

Today there was a family gathering on her DP’s side, I asked how it went and have received the following messages
DS - It would have been fantastic but April (not her real name) was with is, so she ruined the whole day.
Me - Why ?
DS – She constantly kept moaning and making demands, I couldn’t relax as she claimed she had to go out TODAY, and she kept walking in front of me when we were out, but she won’t do that again.
Me – Oh how come ?
DS – I had had enough of her moaning and cutting me up, that I tripped her up, she has a cut on her lip know where she fell over but it made her aware not to piss me off.
Me – WTF ? Are you serious ! You’re mental !
DS – She won’t do it again and I had had enough.

How in the world do I carry on with this ? I feel SO sorry for this girl, my sister is being nothing but a bully to her. What can I do ? Talking to her DP won’t get me anywhere as he won’t do anything to upset the apple cart and wants to appease my sister at all costs.

SomeBastardStoleMyName Sun 19-Jul-15 20:34:10

Forgot to add, I am a regular on here but just nc sad

Oswin Sun 19-Jul-15 20:36:37

Fucking hell. If I was that Childs mother id be tearing your sister apart.
Can you speak to the girls mother?

RedCurlyTots Sun 19-Jul-15 20:37:44

Dear god that poor child! Can you get in touch with the girl's mother? I'd be telling her everything if you can. She abusing that poor girl.

Pastaeater Sun 19-Jul-15 20:37:58

OMG - your sister's behaviour sounds horrendous! Could you contact social services?

Madlizzy Sun 19-Jul-15 20:38:40

I'd go apeshit on my sister, and let her know in no uncertain terms that what she is doing is tantamount to child abuse and that you'd have no qualms speaking to social services if she doesn't wind her fucking neck in.

Trumpity Sun 19-Jul-15 20:40:29

omg that poor young girl. Sorry, I don't know what to suggest. Would you report her?

Salmotrutta Sun 19-Jul-15 20:41:00

She tripped her up deliberately??? shock

It does indeed sound like your sister is a bully - is the girl scared of her?

GERTI Sun 19-Jul-15 20:43:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chairmeoh Sun 19-Jul-15 20:44:05

I'd be calling social services. The tripping up is abuse.

CassieBearRawr Sun 19-Jul-15 20:44:13

Your sister is acting like a vile bitch. Could you speak directly to the child's mother? She needs to know that someone is abusing her child so she can take appropriate action. I would share copies of the messages if needed.

I would also spell out to my sister how disgusting her behaviour is and that you won't stand quietly by while she abuses a small child. It doesn't have to be fists to the face and black eyes for it to be abuse, that poor kid.

whothehellknows Sun 19-Jul-15 20:44:44

Sister or not, I'd be reporting her right now. You have written evidence that she assaulted a child! I'd ring the NSPCC in the first instance for advice, but I assume the follow up would be to report to social services or the police.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 19-Jul-15 20:48:04

If this were my child op. I would want to know. I'm sure you would, too
This is abuse. You have to report it. We have a moral duty of care to All children. Not just our own
Yes it may cAuse a family fued but I would much rather that than have turning a blind eye to a child being abused on my conscience.

Salmotrutta Sun 19-Jul-15 20:48:10

I hope that when the girls mum asks how she cut her lip the girl tells her mum that your sister tripped her up deliberately - if she realised it was deliberate.

I'm really appalled at a grown adult treating a young child like that.

GERTI Sun 19-Jul-15 20:48:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

silverglitterpisser Sun 19-Jul-15 20:48:45

Ur sister is a child abuser.

If u do not involve the relevant authorities, u r enabling her.

Times like this water needs to be thicker than blood. She'd be no sister of mine behaving like that!

Please, please do not fail this poor little girl.

Bellebella Sun 19-Jul-15 20:54:04

Your sister is a vile bully. She may be family but I would be so disgusted I would be telling the child's mother or reporting it. Your sister really thinks that child will be better with her?!

Hissy Sun 19-Jul-15 20:56:07

Wow - like they said, you have to stop this NOW!

There is a child being abused here. Stage an intrvention, contact the DP, the child's mother, SS and the NSPCC

bigbumtheory Sun 19-Jul-15 21:00:27

Your sister is a bully and abusive along with it. What happens if the child says something again? Will she smack her in the mouth to shut her up?

You need to report her.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Sun 19-Jul-15 21:04:31

Where was her father while this was taking place?

Why didn't he step in?

Hygge Sun 19-Jul-15 21:08:12

I think that I'd be reporting my sister to social services, and keeping the texts as proof.

She's assaulted a child. She can't be allowed to do it again.

If she gets away with tripping her up and hurting her this time, she might do more next time.

That little girl is ten years old, and she's being bullied and assaulted by her Dad's girlfriend.

If he is unaware, or deliberately ignoring, what you sister is doing, someone else needs to stop in and make her stop.

pictish Sun 19-Jul-15 21:10:50

Your sister is an utter prick, but where the hell is the poor girl's father in all of this?! What's he doing standing there like a sack of dung while his wife hates on his kid?
I suppose she's got him under the thumb as well...everyone scared to stand up to her.
She sounds scary as hell. I don't know what to advise. How awful.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 19-Jul-15 21:11:03

This is frightening. And abusers just get worse as worse as they get "braver"

I would be contacting SS about this and I wouldn't rest until I was confident this child was safe.

You're lucky you've got texts

whothehellknows Sun 19-Jul-15 21:11:04

Also, from the context of the messages, it sounds as though this happened in public. If this is what goes on in public, what is happening behind closed doors?

msgrinch Sun 19-Jul-15 22:09:33

She's not a bully, she's a child abuser. you need to report her to social services. Disgusting woman, if I was that girls mother I'd wouldn't be livid.

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