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leaving the first date after one drink and getting take out to eat at home is rude

(290 Posts)
unlucky4marie Sun 19-Jul-15 20:04:24

Just had a first date, was OK, lasted half and hour or so. He bought the first sok I offered the second, he declined. Fair enough he's obviously not interested in even being a bit friendly and had nothing else on that day got got ready to leave. But just to add insult he got a piece of cake to take away and eat at home. He was planning to eat it as soon as he got home with another drink. That's just rude right? I wanted too burst into tears after this. I'm I being too sensitive?

korkycat4 Sun 19-Jul-15 20:06:57

It's a bit insensitive , but you need to grow a thicker skin for the world of dating!

ChampagneBabyCakes Sun 19-Jul-15 20:09:35

He's an ass! You don't want to date anyone so rude anyway.

IHaveBrilloHair Sun 19-Jul-15 20:10:16

Youch, that is rude and must have stung, but he has terribly bad manners so you had a lucky escape.

fastdaytears Sun 19-Jul-15 20:10:48

Definitely insensitive but on the other hand would you have wanted to sit around for another hour if you both knew it wasn't a goer? A short bad first date is not such a bad thing!
The last thing you should do is take it personally. You can never know what's going through someone else's head in these situations.

dangerrabbit Sun 19-Jul-15 20:11:49

He sounds a bit of an insensitive twat, aren't you glad you didn't waste more time on him?!

I'd suggest you treat online dating the same as job searching and apply for a number of vacancies at the same time. Will stop you getting so upset when you meet someone who's not for you!

MaliaGrace Sun 19-Jul-15 20:12:28

I am sorry you're upset but I don't see the issue with him really. A 30 minute date is clearly a date that hasn't gone well.

If you're going to continue with dating then I do think you have to toughen up somewhat. Had you spoken to him much prior to meeting up?

bittapitta Sun 19-Jul-15 20:12:38

"He was planning to eat it as soon as he got home with another drink."

Did he tell you that? What a saddo. Very impolite to basically say he would rather do that than spend any more time with you. Don't give him another thought! Good riddance.

CalmYourselfTubbs Sun 19-Jul-15 20:13:10

was it an online date type thing?
yeah, they're fairly brutal.
try not to be sensitive about it. that's dating for you.

i know someone who went for a drink/date with a guy.
no spark and they shared a taxi to their respective houses, but not before he got a take away to chow down on when he got home.
she was pissed off but i said that at least she knew where she stood.
if he really fancied her he wouldn't have let a morsel of any kind pass his lips much less order a takeaway.

He's a cock. You were lucky to learn that so soon.

Hexadecimal1 Sun 19-Jul-15 20:14:21

Not rude at all! it wasn't going to go any further so it doesn't really matter what else he had planned that evening

Don't let it stress you though, you'll meet someone who you don't even notice if you've had one drink or twenty because the time has just flown past smile

unlucky4marie Sun 19-Jul-15 20:15:32

Yes it was an online date, fair enough he decided quickly he didn't like me, but not need to be so insensitive.

Its easy to say grow a thicker skin, but that's hard for some

LHReturns Sun 19-Jul-15 20:15:38

How was it set up OP? Was the joint expectation that it would be a number of drinks together, or even dinner after drinks? Did he actually cut it short, or was it only ever meant to be 'a drink?

Painful as it is, I have always found with these situations that the naff Americanism 'he just isn't that into you' is probably the reality. If a man (or woman) is excited by someone then they are definitely having a second (third, fourth...) drink. I predict you won't see each other again and if I were you I wouldn't give it a second thought. He took CAKE home with him...I reckon he sounds like a bit of a (small) willy. I bet you are too good for him. Start planning your next date now!

biffyboom Sun 19-Jul-15 20:16:14

I would never behave like that myself, but I know someone who would as they would view it as wasting your time and theirs if they felt there was no instant connection.
Don't worry about it, just forget them.

Howmanywotwots Sun 19-Jul-15 20:16:55

You had a lucky escape. I once dated someone for two years and I wish I'd declined a second drink from them

Trills Sun 19-Jul-15 20:17:28

If he wasn't interested I'd rather it ended quickly so I could enjoy the rest of my evening by myself, rather than stringing it out when there was no attraction.

AuntyMag10 Sun 19-Jul-15 20:20:25

Tbh I don't think he was rude at all. You both did not owe each other anything at all! He wasn't interested and decided not to drag it out, decided to get a takeaway while he was out and just go home. Not sure what you expected from someone you don't even know.

unlucky4marie Sun 19-Jul-15 20:20:54

Well actually it was set up to go for a drink, but I've never had one before that was just a drink and felt like he wanted to get away. I was heading off in the other direction to him but pretended I was going his way to get 5 more mins with him, really angry with myself. Sadly I couldn't enjoy the rest of my day, just kept thinking what is wrong with me, I thought I was looking good today too!

MelanieCheeks Sun 19-Jul-15 20:24:41

Meh, wouldn't bother me. First date? So you hadn't even established a relationship? He wasn't interested, but was looking for a bit of a treat to compensate for a less-than-optimal outcome. What's wrong with him wanting to eat some cake at home with a drink?

ilovesooty Sun 19-Jul-15 20:25:19

I don't think that in this context he was rude.

SweetCharityBeginsAtHome Sun 19-Jul-15 20:25:40

You're not his type. You can't be everybody's type - imagine how inconvenient it would be if every man you met every day tried to chat you up? You'd never get anything done.

korkycat4 Sun 19-Jul-15 20:25:41

Why did you want 5 more minutes with someone you had never met, who clearly wasn't into you? I'm sorry, but that sounds really odd. I've been on dates where I have left pretty swiftly - there's just no point wasting time if you know instantly it's not right.

GemmeFatale Sun 19-Jul-15 20:29:11

Seriously? You need to toughen up a bit for online dating. It's a numbers game, always have another date/person of interest to look forward to.

And first date should happen before too much emailing back and forth. I had a coffee date first rule (so I could escape quickly if it wasn't going well) - but would break it for someone who suggested something much better/really interesting

RedButtonhole Sun 19-Jul-15 20:32:32

I really don't understand what him taking a piece of cake home with him has got to do with your date?

I get your disappointment that the date was short-lived and there was no spark, but why did him taking a piece of cake home make the situation any worse?

I'm a self conscious person, I'd find it pretty difficult and a huge blow to myself esteem if someone was on a date with me and wanted to fuck off after one drink but the fact that he took a piece of cake home is irrelevant, it's certainly not rude.

LHReturns Sun 19-Jul-15 20:34:15

Sweetcharity is right...none of us are right for everyone, and I do believe that you know if chemistry is there or not very quickly (far quicker than it takes to drink one cocktail).

OP I bet you look fantastic, unfortunately that has nothing to do with what you experienced here. Literally nothing you could have done differently.

And don't worry about the 5 extra minutes...I'm sure no one on this site has ever performed perfectly in every single date situation; I know with hindsight I have kicked myself many times! Don't think about it.

Still think the cake thing is deeply un-sexy. Fine to want some cake but I would never get it in front of my date, even if it had been a disaster. Buy a box of Mr Kipling at your local newsagent when you get home if you need cake that badly.

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