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Was it something I said or was he just being a twat?

(38 Posts)
SnotBagShitFace Sun 19-Jul-15 19:38:16

Yet another weekend of arguments.

Was there ANYTHING wrong with what I did last night?

DP's son (19) still has the access visits going on so comes here every saturday night. DP likes to take him into the 'man cave' to drink and 'bond'. I left them to it although earlier DP had told me he wanted us (me and him) to watch a movie together.

So it gets to 8pm and I ask DP what time we are putting this movie on as I get tired early lately (severe anaemia). He says “now, I’m just getting everything set up”. So I turn off the PC and go and wait in the living room for him. 10 minutes later he comes in and says “right, I’m just going on guitar for a bit and then I’ll be with you”. So I get a bit irritated at this point and say “well how long will you be? I’ve just turned all my stuff off as you said you were ready.” He makes a song and dance about it before saying “well, I’ll do as you say then and won’t play guitar even though a part of my soul is dying inside.” Oh for fucks sake – give the man an Oscar.
We eventually sit down to watch the movie. I ask if we can cosy up (like we normally do on a night on the sofa) and he said “no, its not comfortable for me.”
Then out of the blue he stands up to switch sides with me so we can cosy up. At the same time his son comes down. I say to DP “how come you’re switching sides?” and at the same time his son starts asking what movie we’re watching. To cut a long story short DP then accused me of “talking over his son” and says I was out of order and disrespectful. I had actually started talking before the son but anyway.
We watch the movie.
Afterwards DP randomly puts on some Jimi Hendirix documentary without even asking if I wanted to watch it. I calmly say “can we see if there is something on we both want to watch?” to which he makes another song and dance and says “yes of course, nevermind that I want to watch it, let’s just do what you want all the time.” I pointed out that as we were both sat watching the TV, I was merely trying to find something that we BOTH wanted to watch. Needless to say it fell on deaf ears.
Later we were in bed and he said his legs were hurting. I said “oh? How come?” and he said “from kneeling all day doing that bathroom.” I said “oh yes of course” and gave a sympathetic rub. He responded with “yeah – I don’t think you quite get it to be honest.”
????? This was my Saturday night. Now be honest, was it something I did or was he just out to argue with me??

formerbabe Sun 19-Jul-15 19:45:01

No it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong, but you sound very dismissive about his son...

DP's son (19) still has the access visits going on so comes here every saturday night. DP likes to take him into the 'man cave' to drink and 'bond

somemothersdohavethem Sun 19-Jul-15 19:45:53

Just wanted an argument. Ignore him

TheHouseOnBellSt Sun 19-Jul-15 19:47:45

I think you sound quite needy.

TinyManticore Sun 19-Jul-15 19:48:19

Is it always the case that his son is more important than you? And does he often come out with that crap about his soulful guitar, because I'm not sure I could hear that without weeping laughing.

SnotBagShitFace Sun 19-Jul-15 19:50:30

It's not that I wish to be dismissive over his son, it's just that when he's here, all normal life ceases to exist. We can't even pop to the shop without him panicing that he's leaving his child at home which I could understand if he was 9 - but he's 19!

We even have BBQ almost EVERY saturday night for dinner as it keeps his son happy. Doesn't matter that everyone else is getting sick of it every week. It's just getting a bit much. His younger son btw, gets largely ignored too in favour of the eldest son. He's just obsessed with him and is so ultra sensitive over him that EVERYTHING I say or do he tries to make out is a dig at the boy

mindthegap79 Sun 19-Jul-15 19:50:51

A part of his soul is dying inside?

Oh dear god, LTB.

WixingMords Sun 19-Jul-15 19:51:16

I'm sorry to say I had him down as a bit of a twit due to him having a 'man cave'.

So based on that YANBU.

dilbert19912 Sun 19-Jul-15 19:56:43

If it were me in this situation I would probably just leave them to their own devices for the whole time his son is there, it's only one day a week. it would piss me off though the dramatics grin

wannabestressfree Sun 19-Jul-15 19:57:03

It sounds like a tug of war..... He sounds over sensitive and you sound needy which would irritate me. If you want to watch a film watch one. I am not sure why you need him clamped to your side. It's sounds like you are in competition with his son.
The 'soul' comment though would have made me laugh...

TheHouseOnBellSt Sun 19-Jul-15 19:58:49

What Wannabe says....just plan to do your own thing...ignore them...leave them to it...they sound like mates.

BolshierAyraStark Sun 19-Jul-15 20:00:29

I would have laughed in his face at 'a part of his soul dying inside' what a twat.
He was definitely spoiling for a fight & sounds like you showed great restraint, I'd have told him to jog on.

AuntyMag10 Sun 19-Jul-15 20:01:50

Op you've posted many times about this man and his son. Why are you still with him?

TinyManticore Sun 19-Jul-15 20:04:12

Why are they still doing these access type visits anyway, he's an adult. He should be coming round when he wants to, after checking you're not busy etc obviously, like a grown adult son would. It sounds ridiculous that it has to be so rigidly stuck to.

TheReluctantCountess Sun 19-Jul-15 20:04:28

You sound like hard work and he sounds immature.

Hexadecimal1 Sun 19-Jul-15 20:04:33

Can't you just leave them to get on with it at that time each week? Can you make plans with friends or go and have a bath and watch a film by yourself?

I would be dying for some time alone once a week!

SmillasSenseOfSnow Sun 19-Jul-15 20:15:57

Is it just me or does it sound like there's an irritating gender division in the house? You're the vapid female companion that doesn't 'get' things and is painted as a bossy, possessive nag. When his son is over they get to be 'men' in the 'man cave' drinking beer and playing guitar and daydreaming about Jimi fucking Hendrix. Oh how cool they are in all their steretypical masculinity that the poor female OP just has no hope of 'getting'.

I may be reading way too much into this just for an excuse to rant. Excuse me, I'm coming down with some sort of cold.

Maryz Sun 19-Jul-15 20:19:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pastaeater Sun 19-Jul-15 20:23:22

You sound rather needy OP and a bit immature,

Olddear Sun 19-Jul-15 20:27:43

part of his soul is dying inside??? Jeez, I'd leave him for that alone! I laughed out loud when I read that!!!

Ilovecrapcrafts Sun 19-Jul-15 20:39:24

I'm struggling to see what either of you needed to row about from your post. It just sounds like conversation (soul dying aside) fuss over nothing?

Spartans Sun 19-Jul-15 20:42:26

Are you the cake gate and biscuit gate OP?

Hepzibar Sun 19-Jul-15 20:51:54

You sound very needy and bit like hardwork to me OP.

We eventually sit down to watch the movie. I ask if we can cosy up (like we normally do on a night on the sofa) and he said “no, its not comfortable for me.”. Oh please OP. This sounds a bit cringe if you have to ask and wanting his attention. He is probably torn between wanting to 'hang out' with his son and trying to pander to you. Just get on with your own stuff, watch what you want, go out with friends.

CassieBearRawr Sun 19-Jul-15 20:56:02

Haven't you posted repeatedly about this guy?

FoulsomeAndMaggotwise Sun 19-Jul-15 21:02:50

I think he sounds like a bit of a dick, but equally you sound (sorry) like hard work. He clearly would have preferred to spend the evening with his son (understandable) but didn't feel he could 'let you down'.

Next time just do your own thing and let them do theirs.

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