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AIBU?

To not tell MIL about pregnancy when my parents know?

142 replies

PearTree201 · 19/07/2015 08:37

I'm 10wks and the scan is in a week and a half.

We've known since 4 weeks and I told 1 set of my parents during the week and plan on telling my other set today. I told my mum because I've been unwell with it and I see her 3+ times a week. We're telling my other parents today because it's the only time we'll see them together until after the scan. Once we have the scan we'll be telling everyone so wanted to make sure the parents knew first so we didn't have to wait to tell everyone else.

I would rather leave telling MIL until the morning of the scan, she'll be watching our other child while we go, it's her usual babysitting day anyway so ties in nicely.

When pregnant with DC1 we told all the parents and siblings pretty much before the test was dry at only 3.5 weeks. We SPECIFICALLY told MIL not to tell ANYONE until we'd got our heads around it and until we'd decided to let others know whether that be the 12wk scan or before, whatever we decided. She told all and sundry. Even family members she hardly spoke to. The annoying thing was that she knew she shouldn't have and kept saying that she "just told them". When we said we wanted to make sure everything was okay before letting anyone know she said oh, it'll all be fine, it doesn't matter when people know!

So now I'm reluctant to tell her in case it goes the same way...

DP was on board but now I'm telling my other parents today he wants to tell his mum.

AIBU to keep it quiet for another week and a half or should he be able to tell his mum since my parents know?

OP posts:

Report

violetbunny · 19/07/2015 08:39

YANBU. I think as she's proven already that she can't be trusted to keep information to herself, I would definitely wait before telling her.

3teenageboys · 19/07/2015 08:40

Yes, it is important to your husband.
Congratulations!!!

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 19/07/2015 08:42

Why not just wait and tell you second set of parents and MIL on the same day after your scan?

TeaPleaseLouise · 19/07/2015 08:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

honeysucklejasmine · 19/07/2015 08:43

Ordinarily YWBU, but given her history, she can't be trusted!

youareallbonkers · 19/07/2015 08:43

It's his mum, of course he can tell her

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 19/07/2015 08:43

I'm not sure you need to tell parents in person. It's not likely to be as exciting after the first time. Yanbu to apply different rules to mil given that she can't be trusted.

TheDuchessofBoxford · 19/07/2015 08:44

We told both sets of parents early with a previous pregnancy that ended in mc. MIL repeatedly speculated afterwards on what I could have done differently and what I think caused it. Obviously very upsetting.

Since I've had morning sickness with this pregnancy my mum has known since about 5 weeks. I've made it clear to DH that his mum won't be knowing until after the scan, providing all is ok, as I will not have those comments again.

He is fine with this reasoning. I think your DH should also understand your reasoning since your MIL won't keep it quiet.

WayneRooneysHair · 19/07/2015 08:45

I'd be pissed off if my wife told her parents a few weeks before mine, it's his mum so he can tell her if he wants.

MigGril · 19/07/2015 08:46

YANBU if she can't keep it to herself then don't tell her.

My MIL was just the same and I was well annoyed she told everyone before we got a chance to. second time round DH persuaded me to let us tell them early again she did the same thing again. To this day I'm still annoyed I didn't get to tell everyone my good news myself, plus I had early bleeding with both pregnancies something could have gone wrong want very nice of her.

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle · 19/07/2015 08:47

We told my mum straight away as soon as we knew both times but waited to tell his mum till the 12 week scan. No one cared.

Backforthis · 19/07/2015 08:49

She can't keep quiet so it's reasonable not to tell her. She'll be the first to see the scan pictures won't she?

TheHormonalHooker · 19/07/2015 08:50

YABU
Your DH has as much right to tell his parents as you do.

WendyTorrance · 19/07/2015 08:51

I had this with my MIL. I had had 2 previous miscarriages so was a nervous wreck with my 3rd pregnancy. I wanted to wait until 12 weeks to announce it but MIL told SIL who then told everyone. I was so upset, I felt under more pressure than I needed.

That pregnancy was successful BTW. With my next pregnancy, in-laws weren't informed until 12 weeks. In each pregnancy my parents were aware. I needed their support and they can be relied on to be confidential.

So, I think YANBU.

BumpTheElephant · 19/07/2015 08:55

YABU. I think he should be able to tell his mum whatever he likes.

Tryharder · 19/07/2015 08:55

I understand your reasons but do you have the kind of relationship where you can forbid your DH to tell his own mum something?

How would you react if he did this to you?

PearTree201 · 19/07/2015 08:57

Mixed bag of responses!

It's was my DP's decision to tell the parents together and face to face. Our first pregnancy announcement wasn't a positive experience. This time around is different and he wants us to do it together and to see everyone's reactions.

He's not demanding we tell his mum now, he just said he would like to. But he understands why we might not. Another reason for telling my other parents now is because they will not be happy if they find out parents set #1 found out well before them! It was actually DP who said we should tell parents #2 sooner rather than later as the fall out from it is not worth it and could tarnish the announcement for us. After our first baby we do not want anything negative surrounding our happy news.

OP posts:

PearTree201 · 19/07/2015 08:58

Ha! Forbid my DP from doing anything other than I want? Of course! Doesn't everyone??

OP posts:

OrianaBanana · 19/07/2015 08:59

it'll all be fine, it doesn't matter when people know!

If that's her attitude then surely she won't mind!

ThoseAwfulCurtains · 19/07/2015 09:02

YANBU because she didn't respect your request for privacy last time. I'd be reminding her of that if she gets arsey about being the last parent to know.

ThoseAwfulCurtains · 19/07/2015 09:03

But I also think you're being a bit ott around announcements etc.

5madthings · 19/07/2015 09:05

Yanbu esp given last time.

Regardless of that, this information is essentially the ops to tell when she wants, it's her that is pregnant and at this stage it's essentially the ops medical information and as such her right to tell whoever she wants, or not as the case may be.

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PearTree201 · 19/07/2015 09:05

ThoseAwful what makes you say that?

OP posts:

IsItStupid · 19/07/2015 09:05

Let me get this straight,

You have two sets of parents, your DP has one set of parents.

One set of your parents know.

The others don't.

Your DP's parents don't.

Couldn't you keep it quiet from everyone else until the 12 week scan? Surely if it's already been a few weeks another 10 days won't upset your no. 2 parent set?

Given your MIL's history YANBU but if your DH wants to tell he can, I suppose. Not helpful I know!

IsItStupid · 19/07/2015 09:06

You could tell your MIL and other parents soon after the scan.

Then tell everyone else a few days later?

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