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to want DH tp change his eating habits/table manners?

(51 Posts)
Nottalotta Sat 18-Jul-15 12:54:08

Because we are having a child? The eating habits - he eats a lot of snacks, which is fine, he is slim and healthy and eats good meals. But will often eat breakfast followed by chocolate/biscuits etc. I dont think this sets a good example for a child and isnt something i would ever do myself. (never allowed as a child and its stuck with me!)

Re table manners. He holds knife and fork in the 'wrong' hands. Hes not left handed. It doesnt bother me in itself but means he cant cut stuff properly. He ends up stabbing it with the fork and tearing with the knife, rather than sawing at it. Is usless at anything with bones (leaves half the meat on) and will often stab a big piece with the firk then bite a lump off it!!!

He doesnt do this in public by the way. Thank god.

Wibu to say something about it?

EatDessertFirst Sat 18-Jul-15 13:18:19

YWBU. He is an adult and can eat what he likes.

I'm right handed and eat the wrong way round. Noone I have ever ate with has complained, and I can cut my food perfectly fine. If he isn't cutting properly, its due to something else.

Trust me, you will have a lot more things to worry about when your child arrives than what hand he holds his fork in.

Kvetch15 Sat 18-Jul-15 13:22:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty Sat 18-Jul-15 13:26:29

Blimey it's going to be a long pregnancy if you're worrying about this now.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Sat 18-Jul-15 13:35:24

I have a 3 1/2 yo and a 9mo. My DH uses his cutlery in the wrong hands, eats many biscuits, snacks etc. My kids still eat healthy, dd uses cutlery correctly and they dont have biscuits straight after breakfast.

Just because he does it himself doesnt mean he will allow his child to.

PtolemysNeedle Sat 18-Jul-15 13:39:42


If it was something that was going to bother you if you had a child, it's something that you should have thought about before you conceived a child.

You have no right to demand he changes himself because of your pregnancy after it exists. People's eating habits are pretty fundamental and are not easy to change even if a person wants to and has a lot of willpower, it would be a whole lot harder for someone who doesn't want to and whose only incentive is that their partner expects it because she's pregnant.

joopy79 Sat 18-Jul-15 13:45:07

I agree with you. I am trying to eat healthier to set a good example for my toddler. I would rather that he doesn't drink fizzy drinks and sweets so I feel I shouldn't either.
The table manners might be a bit tricky, why does he eat like that in private but not in public?

MrsGentlyBenevolent Sat 18-Jul-15 13:53:10

I don't think you are totally unreasonable, but you possibly are on the snack issue. I can totally relate to not wanting children to pick up bad food habits though. My partner won't sit at the dinner table unless it's a special occasion (see: Christmas), and is a terribly fussy eater. Now I understand knowing you don't like something as an adult (I won't eat cherries for example, they taste/smell/feel foul to me). However, when I first met him, his diet was so limited to grease (sausages, pizza, bacon), I worried he'd have a heart attack by 30 even though he looked perfectly healthy. It stemmed from not being made to just try anything as a child. If he looked at it and didn't like it, he wasn't even given the tinest bit to try. Suffice to say, I do not put up with that sort of nonsense - suddenly his food 'likings' have expanded completly. I really did not want him 'teaching' our child that you refuse food if it just looks 'too runny' or 'too green' (hmm)

As long as your husband knows 'treats are treats', he has an otherwise unremarkable diet, and manages not to stab anyone in the eye with the way he eats, I'd just focus on teaching your child table manners. I think it's ok to be 'aware' of bad habits, try and minimize them, but some things are just the way adults are.

Nottalotta Sat 18-Jul-15 16:01:55

I've only got a week left before baby is born worra

It really is about wanting to demonstrate good habits i suppose. I don't think its 'fair' to have one rule for the adult and another for the child.

The wrong hand thing doesn't bother me, its the way he pulls at food with cutlery. Oh well, i did think when typing the op that i sounded a bit unreasonable.

I am a bit hung up on manners. God knows why he lets them slip at home.

SlaggyIsland Sat 18-Jul-15 16:07:22

Both DH and I eat the "wrong" way round and neither of us have any issues cutting things up.

MamaLazarou Sat 18-Jul-15 16:09:33

Sorry but you decided this man was good father material, it's probably too late to try and change his habits now.

AuntyMag10 Sat 18-Jul-15 16:12:32

You chose to have a child with him so now is not the time to be picking faults with him.

Fluffyears Sat 18-Jul-15 16:15:05

I eat the wrong way even though I am right handed as I find it easier using my right hand to eat with. I think that is the right way round in the U.S. though although someone might correct me. No one has ever had a problem with it and I don't care if they did as otherwise my manners are perfect,

Spartans Sat 18-Jul-15 16:15:27

Yabu, if it was so important that the father of your child has good table manners then you wouldn't be having a baby with him.

Sorry he is an adult. Leave him alone.

Spartans Sat 18-Jul-15 16:16:43

Well you need to get used to the fact that there are different rules for adults and different ones for kids.

TowerRavenSeven Sat 18-Jul-15 16:17:37

Dh has questionable table manners (never taught because MIL is the same) and I say nothing unless he reaches over my plate for something. It does drive me a bit bonkers but he is a grown man. I teach ds the correct way (and hope dh picks up on it but not too hopeful).

mrsplum2015 Sat 18-Jul-15 16:24:23

I could get past the table manners but not the snacking. Dh used to be a ridiculous junk food snacker, and McDonald's eater, but it wasn't a problem as he pretty much kept it to the working day. The only evidence was shit loads of crisp packets and chocolate wrappers in the driver's side door in his car, which the dc never saw! Now as he has got older he has seen more of the light and tends to eat more healthily, but we both always modelled healthy eating to the dc and if he had to he would sneak a packet of biscuits into his study and scoff them unseen grin

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks Sat 18-Jul-15 17:07:15

YANBU. It could get a bit complicated when you're trying to teach your child the socially expected "proper" way, yet your DH is doing it a different way. Table manners are important - think relationships and business lunches for example - so you'll want your child to do it correctly.

Interesting that your DH doesn't do it in public though.confused Have you ever mentioned this?

WhoNickedMyName Sat 18-Jul-15 17:09:31

Of course, you discussed all this with him before going ahead and deciding to have a child... no? Thought not. YABU.

Hotpotpie Sat 18-Jul-15 17:19:30

Neither issue would bother me particularly however from personal experience neither OH nor his then partner understood the cutlery in the right hand business, consequently SD struggles terribly with eating, 5 years later she still can't manage to cut food easily, I've made sure that we didn't make the same mistake because it has been such a problem for her, that said I think she is unusual in that she never established a preference for either hand? Yabu to expect DH to change but not to want to try and get things right with your baby

UnsolvedMystery Sat 18-Jul-15 17:21:15

He's your husband, not your child.
Don't treat him like a child - he won't appreciate it.

FurtherSupport Sat 18-Jul-15 17:28:44

My Dh's table manners aren't very good. Strange how I didn't really notice during the years I was madly I love with him.....

MrsGentlyBenevolent Sat 18-Jul-15 17:40:08

I honestly cannot believe some posters are (sarcastically) asking why you chose to have a child with your partner. Are you seriously suggesting all your partners (or yourselves) don't have any bad habits that may be fine day to day, but you wouldn't like young kids picking up on? As an adult, I can swear to my heart's content, but I wouldn't want a toddler to do so. I can quite happily spend a day in bed, eat a tub of ice cream and not lift a finger - do I want my child to think it's normal to be lazy and greedy? Nose picking, smoking, or general bad habits - we all have them, doesn't mean we'd like to avoid passing them on. Especially since this is a first child, you do question yourself, your habits and the same of your partner, and question 'do I want the kids picking that up?'. Cut the op a little bit of slack, she's not making her partner out to be a monster, it's just things that run through your head in pregnancy.

ReginaBlitz Sat 18-Jul-15 22:51:53

Wtf! Seriously leave the poor fucker alone

Spartans Sun 19-Jul-15 09:43:34

mrs you are missing the point. Of course we all have bad habits. However the OP is now saying the habits she accepted. Which are very minor, have to go now she is having a baby.

Telling another adult they can't snack is ridiculous. If it was that important that you Childs father has eating habits are that important, then it should have been considered before. Rather than you must change because I say so

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