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Parenting preteens

(8 Posts)
shebird Sat 18-Jul-15 08:27:43

My DD 11 is just about to leave primary school. She is excited about the big step to secondary and I'm less excited about all the growing up stuff.
We are giving her more freedom and independence but
the biggest challenge so far seems to be the sudden abandoning of parental boundaries by some of her friends parents. They are free to roam around, hang out in the park at weekends. They text message very late at night (DDs phone stays downstairs) I mean don't these kids need to switch off at some point. They have FB and Instagram accounts full of pouting and posing type selfies where some girls dress and look a lot older than 11 hmm
I know most of the parents and I'm astounded by their attitude to these things. I mentioned to one mum about the late night texting and she said it had never occurred to her that this was going on but she had wondered why her DD was tired and grumpy and 'oh maybe I should keep an eye on things a bit more'. Another mum said she had allowed her DD Instagram without knowing what it was about and really had no idea how to check privacy settings or make sure her DD was safe on these sights.
These are intelligent people who up to this point have followed every parenting guide out there . No juice, no sweets and only organic vegetables - until 11, then do whatever you like.
Does parenting go out the window at 11 or Aibu?

elderflowergin Sat 18-Jul-15 08:58:24

YANBU, it really does seem to happen for many, obviously not all children. I am all for giving them some more independence when they are about to go to high school, but I think it needs to happen gradually. Many parents are totally clueless about social media and online stuff!

StillStayingClassySanDiego Sat 18-Jul-15 09:03:37

God I was more 'attentive' when mine went to secondary school and wanted to know 'who, where and what time' whenever they left the house.

I didn't know any parent who stopped being nosey about where their 11/12 year old was just because they'd moved up to secondary school.

ihatethecold Sat 18-Jul-15 09:13:23

My preteen and 15 year old have anything electrical switched way before sleep time.
We have always done it because I want them to sleep well.
I'm also friends with them on social media so can see what's being posted.
We also talk about settings being private, about not posting anything you wouldn't want your teacher or granny seeing.
I also know where my kids all the time. (Mostly because my 15 year old socialises from his bedroom)

TheHouseOnBellSt Sat 18-Jul-15 09:16:58

I just started the eyebrow thread you posted on OP....same situation here...some of my 11 year old DDs mates have suddenly been allowed to wander around town....having been kept to their own gardens previously....I know they need to stretch their wings but I think a slower approach is DD has been allowed to the shop alone for over a year now but I'm not letting her go into the city on her own!

She's not on FB or Instagram and doesn't want to be as she sees the rows it causes.

Just try to stay open with your's hard.

shebird Sat 18-Jul-15 09:21:30

Yes I am all for independence too, within reason. DD walks to school with friends and will travel on public transport to secondary. I see it all about learning life skills, how to cope in the world and how to stay safe. DD has a phone but no FB or Instagram (she's the only one apparently) not because I don't trust her but mainly because I don't want her to feel even more pressure to pout and pose and act 4 years older than she is.

shebird Sat 18-Jul-15 09:47:07

DD has just had a text from one of her friends. Apparently some of the girls from school are getting the bus to the beach 10 miles away to spend the day there.
So dangerous beach, 11 year olds swimming and mucking about in the sea, no parents, no life guards....seriously hmm

StillStayingClassySanDiego Sat 18-Jul-15 09:50:03

No way would my 11 year old do that trip.

I let ds3 do a beach day on the train with his mates at 14.

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