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I really don't know if I am or not?

(127 Posts)
Lollypop27 Fri 17-Jul-15 20:14:44

Firstly please don't think I am entitled because I am really not.

This week loads of money has had to be spent. Our emergency fund has been wiped out. The roof started leaking and needed fixing, washing machine broke and the car completely broke. We had the money to fix it all so That's fine. It has unfortunately wiped out the emergency fund and our holiday spending money.

We are going on holiday to Devon with parents and siblings in a few weeks. The holiday is paid for and its just spending money we need. I have never asked my mum and dad for anything before. They are very comfortable and are always sahing if I need anything to let them know.

They spend a lot on my brother - uni fees, deposit for house, new sofas, holidays etc - he is 38 and single.

Tonight I asked my mum if she could lend me a few hundred pounds for holiday as I have uniforms etc to buy over the summer. I said she would get it back August 31st payday. She said no as they were saving as my brother will probably need a new car before Christmas as his is 5 years old now. I didn't quite know what to say to be honest so just said 'no worries'. I then said that we might not be able to go away as I needed to buy school shoes and uniforms first and see if i had money left over. She went mad at me saying I was going to ruin the summer and I was being selfish by buying school stuff first and that the kids needed a holiday. I said I would speak to dh and call her over the weekend.

So 1 am I being selfish by buying uniforms etc first before o commit to the holiday

2 be utterly fucked off that my 38 year old brother never has to stand on his own two bloody feet.

I have no problem with them not lending me the money, it's their money to spend as they choose but I'm a bit jealous that the one time I ask (and it was not a large amount) they no because they need to spend it on him. I feel like I am 6 again and they are choosing him over me like they always used to.

Sorry for the rant

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Fri 17-Jul-15 20:16:38

Siblings should be treated the same, so YANBU.

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 17-Jul-15 20:17:32

I would not only be not going on the holiday, I would never speak to holiday with them again. I don't like families that favour one child and giving you shit because you are buying essentials before spending money you don't have is crappy.

crustsaway Fri 17-Jul-15 20:19:08

Bigger issues here then! Im sure you probably knew what the answer was going to be before you asked.

What about DPs parents? or friends if its not a huge amount and you can pay it back in a few weeks?

Hornydilemma Fri 17-Jul-15 20:19:37

They ARE bastards. MY folks would never dream of being so horrible and unfair to one sibling over another. Can you get even a partial refund on the holiday and have a "staycation"?

OhItsYouAgain Fri 17-Jul-15 20:19:43

YANBU. Why offer if when asked you say no. You are not being selfish to sort the kids stuff first, if your DM is so bothered, she should lend you the money!!

ThroughThickAndThin01 Fri 17-Jul-15 20:21:07

Yanbu, very unfair of them.

Lollypop27 Fri 17-Jul-15 20:21:40

Thank you ladies I would of felt a lot better if she would habe just said no. Now I just feel like shit that again he is being favoured and I'm made to feel bad because I am putting my kids first sad

longestlurkerever Fri 17-Jul-15 20:21:40

Yanbu op. like you say, it's their money but this sounds like favouritism which is not on. The comment about the car made my jaw drop. who gets a new car bought for them just because theirs is five years old?!

The only bit where you might have been a little bit u was in telling your dm about the uniforms which could have been interpreted as passive aggressive. you would have been better off saying you were gutted at her response given you'd never previously asked for anything and db always seems to take priority.

I really hope you manage to get away. if you were going to pay back the money end Aug anyway can't you wait till then to buy the uniforms?

MrsGoslingWannabe Fri 17-Jul-15 20:21:45

That is a fucking outrage!

You were sensible enough to have an emergency fund - if not, you couldd've been asking them to lend want more hundreds for roof, washing machine & car.

Is your brother younger than you? Does he have MH issues?

HuckleberryMishMash Fri 17-Jul-15 20:22:20

YANBU

flowers

Don't know what else to say really apart from that I wonder if over the next day or two realisation might hit your DPs of just how unfair/ludicrous their approach is. The only saving grace here would be if they make a u-turn and offer to give you some money to tide you over!

mrsruffallo Fri 17-Jul-15 20:22:37

YANBU. My parents go out of their way to be fair, to a ridiculous degree at times. Your parents are being unreasonable.

atticusclaw Fri 17-Jul-15 20:22:38

Sometimes families favour siblings because they think one can cope on their own. Could that be the case?

My DSis gets everything from my DPs, all the childcare support, holidays, gifts, cold hard cash (if she's going out for the night my DF will chuck her £50). I'm pretty sure its because they know I can look after myself and they think she can't and refuse to accept that as DH thinks, they just don't like me as much

AuntyMag10 Fri 17-Jul-15 20:23:07

Yanbu, how awful for them to be treating you so differently from your brother. Actually very mean of them.

Nolim Fri 17-Jul-15 20:24:19

Yanbu

crustsaway Fri 17-Jul-15 20:24:46

Family dynamics are not something anyone else needs to get into really.

If its only a small amount then one of those silly loan companies could probably help and like you said you'd be able to pay back in a month, so no big deal. I don't see why finding a few hundred pounds would stop you going on your holiday.

MrsGoslingWannabe Fri 17-Jul-15 20:25:06

*many more not want more

crustsaway Fri 17-Jul-15 20:25:31

And why is it all on your shoulders to find the money? what about your partner?

confusedandemployed Fri 17-Jul-15 20:27:01

What horrible parents you have flowers

YANBU

Howmanywotwots Fri 17-Jul-15 20:27:10

That's unfair!

Is your brother a taxi driver?

Lollypop27 Fri 17-Jul-15 20:27:52

He's older than me. My other brother is older too and they give him a lot too. I'm just the let down because I never went to uni and got married at 19 and had babies. I am still with my husband and we have bought a house with no help from them. I'm the only one who regularly speaks to my parents. My brothers are always busy in their £50k+ a year jobs.

My brother does not have MH issues.

bigbumtheory Fri 17-Jul-15 20:28:06

Sounds like favouring. What's the point of them asking, if they just keep giving or planning to help your brother and don't actually want to help?

I would say that to your mum, especially when they offer again.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams Fri 17-Jul-15 20:28:16

You could ask your brother if you could borrow some money from him grin

Your parents are behaving really unfairly. If I could get any sort of refund or postponement on the holiday I would cancel it and not back down.

MrsGoslingWannabe Fri 17-Jul-15 20:28:58

She shouldn't have to use a loan company!

I would use a credit card for uniforms and ensure its paid off before interest starts.

atticusclaw Fri 17-Jul-15 20:29:26

If it would genuinely mean giving up your holiday could you pop over to the school uniform thread. Lots there being given away.

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