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To think someone's bedroom is private?

(28 Posts)
HamishBamish Fri 17-Jul-15 18:41:30

AIBU to think that your own bedroom is a private space and as an adult your parents should respect that?

My mother is staying right now and to put it mildly, she's extremely hard work. My bedroom is private to DH and I don't expect to find her in there 'tidying' or whatever else she says she's doing. I would never go into someone else's bedroom unless expressly invited. Just because she's my mother, doesn't give her the right to do what she wants. She drove my SIL crazy doing the same thing when she stayed there. She also knocks and then walks straight into rooms and sees nothing wrong with doing so.

So, I have asked her not to go in there (nicely!) and she's gone off in a huge huff, muttering something about 'if you can't go into your own daughter's bedroom etc'.

GoofyIsACow Fri 17-Jul-15 18:43:52

I totally agree with you, MIL likes to go in and hoover, occasinally would go in an make the bed (we live next door)
I considered leaving a huge dildo on the bed because i am too soft to ask her to stop but she stopped as she seemingly realised without dildogate

Talismania Fri 17-Jul-15 18:44:35

I have the same problem and have yet to find a solution. I said I have let you fiddle and tidy around the whole house and I want just one room, my room, to be my private space. Didn't think i was bu but also caused a huff. She 'just wanted to vacuum it'.

DonkeyOaty Fri 17-Jul-15 18:45:06

How annoying

GoodbyeToAllOfThat Fri 17-Jul-15 18:46:03

Yes, I consider bedrooms private. Not having adult children myself I find it hard to imagine a time that I won't be in there organising their underwear drawer smile, but I won't be rooting around in a bedroom shared with a woman! No way!

Smurfingreat Fri 17-Jul-15 18:47:23

YANBU, that is terrible. Neither of my parents would dream of doing that, don't think they really want to risk finding my DH naked! I don't go in their room anymore either unless I have been invited in, adults bedrooms are private.

My aunt on the other hand would go into her DS and DIL's room whenever she felt like it and even go through their washing "helpfully" separating it out as she was putting a white wash on!

Boundaries, people, boundaries!

PuppyMonkey Fri 17-Jul-15 18:50:09

YANBU. My MIL used to often do this on the pretext she was just having a look to see if we needed any laundry doing. confused

Indeed, when she used to look after DD for a day at ours, she would go round the whole house looking for dirty washing and put 2 or 3 loads on even when we begged her not too (our grundies were included).

We lasted about 6 months before we told her the arrangement was off.

HamishBamish Fri 17-Jul-15 18:51:08

Thank goodness, at least I'm not alone!

It's the bloody mindedness of it which really annoys me. It's like she's saying 'I'll do whatever I please, because you're my daughter and therefore I can'.

She caused a huge rift with my SIL because she walked straight into her bedroom without waiting for her to answer after knocking. My SIL was changing at the time and was massively embarrassed. She just doesn't seem to understand that she doesn't have the God given right to invade people's personal space.

Whodathink1t Fri 17-Jul-15 18:51:57

Hah! Yes, MIL comes to visit & dusts everything, folds everything, and tries to clean the kitchen (there's no redeeming the kitchen, no matter how much elbow grease is used). DP was horrified upon exiting the shower to discover her making our bed - I knew it was coming - my nan was the same back when she was still with us.
It seriously makes my teeth itch that she feels the need to do it, but I can understand it, as she's not got anything to do while she's here. She needs to be doing something, and her boundaries and shockability are nil due to the job she did before retiring. I shall be installing a sex swing before she visits next time - it's going to become a game of "let's see how far we can take this" mwahahaha

needsomefeckingprivacy Fri 17-Jul-15 18:52:28

YANBU. My mother is the same, just walks in, starts poking through drawers in front of me. They don't even knock before entering the house. When I was married and visiting them they would knock before entering the bedroom but now that I am not married there is seemingly no need for them to knock. After an incident with my dad barging in I tried to be grown up about it and said to them that there might be somebody here (fat bloody chance, but I live in hope) and so they shouldn't just barge in. Their response was that they didn't mind if there was somebody here. I don't think they grasped what I meant by somebody here.

I digress. Your mother should not be poking around in your house/bedroom/stuff but I'm fecked if I can come up with a cure for it.

FortyCoats Fri 17-Jul-15 18:53:57


My M used to mind dd when I worked and kept her at my house as it was easier with all dd's things there. I came home one day to find them both IN MY BED! angry

Fine for dd, that was a regular thing but my M!!!? Her excuse was that she didn't know how to turn the heating on so they decided to hop into bed and watch tv. Getting blanket never crossed her mind or ringing me to talk her through the heating timer workings.

She's always wanted to control me and show me how she was 'top dog' but I took her claiming my bed to be a step too far. I didn't tell her nicely so she fucked off still saying I was an ignorant bitch and someone else could mind 'my fucking child in future'.

Of course I'm only recently (thanks to MN) realising she's a narcissist who has no respect for my boundaries.

Not saying your mum is one but yadnbu.

HamishBamish Fri 17-Jul-15 18:56:41

Of course I'm only recently (thanks to MN) realising she's a narcissist who has no respect for my boundaries.

Not saying your mum is one but yadnbu.

I have seriously considered the possibility FortyCoats.

Shodan Fri 17-Jul-15 18:57:08

My MIL used to do this while we were on holiday.

I didn't feel I could say anything, because she was very kindly doing laundry that I didn't want her to do but I always felt like she might be having a little nosey round.

I solved it by locking the bedroom door 'to keep the cats out' grin wink

amothersplaceisinthewrong Fri 17-Jul-15 18:59:25

What is a sex swing....

needsomefeckingprivacy Fri 17-Jul-15 19:00:31

I have also started to notice narcissistic tendencies in my mum thanks to the miracle of mumsnet.

owlborn Fri 17-Jul-15 19:30:19

MiL does this. As a result, whenever we're staying in the same house as her, I change into my PJs in the bathroom, with the door locked, and make sure I'm decent in the bedroom the whole time.

The first time she came to visit, she walked into our bedroom first thing in the morning to say something to DH, who was standing naked in the middle to the room. She didn't bat an eyelid. I was thankfully under the covers at the time but nearly died.

She also helpfully tidies. I find it excruciating but thankfully we don't have her visiting very often.

morethanpotatoprints Fri 17-Jul-15 19:32:48

YANBU our dc don't even go in our room. I think they came in one xmas morning and that was it.
Your bedroom is your own private space.

FortyCoats Fri 17-Jul-15 19:35:00

Love the sex swing and dildo ideas! My kind of thinking, and me assuming I was the only evil genius!

I'd be tempted to really stretch it out though... A cheese grater, dog lead (best if you don't own a dog!), washing up liquid, surgical gloves, a ball gag and a dentist chair complete with magnifying glass and spit sink smile

somemothersdohavethem Fri 17-Jul-15 19:39:07

Omg I'm guffawing with laughter at this thread grin you ladies are FUNNY! Yanbu btw. I'd be tempted to try and do it to her. Go upstairs in her house and start rooting through stuff and say you're being "helpful" pull out a massive dildo and say "MUM YOU DIRTY OLD COW!"

StayWithMe Fri 17-Jul-15 19:39:19

My sils and bils are the same. It's a big family and they're pretty decent but I hate that they seem to think they have a right to look into the walk in larder dumping room to see what it looks like, leaving me feeling judged. It was built to accommodate my husbands through floor lift but has been kept as a larder for pots, pans, tinned food, etc. Every.fucking.time they come up they have to have a look. I'm locking it and misplacing the key from now on.

I found my grown up niece nosing through the door of our bedroom as she "just wanted to see where DH slept" confusedhmm

quesadillas Fri 17-Jul-15 19:42:09

Bedrooms are private. My FIL says he prefers to use our ensuite when he comes round. Really annoys me but DH won't say anything to him.

InNeedOfABreak Fri 17-Jul-15 19:58:24

Yanbu at all! I don't expect anyone other than the people living in our house to go upstairs unless invited-more so as we have a downstairs toilet so there really is no need for anyone to be up there. Really used to nark me off though when bil would arrive, take off his shoes and stroll straight on up there 'to use the loo' oh and pop into our room to 'see if b had a jumper for him to borrow'. Pure rudeness and a blatant disregard for others privacy.

Addictedtocustardcreams Fri 17-Jul-15 20:06:48

My MIL checked in my bedside drawers for some cash she needed while looking after DD. said drawers contained tampons & condom supply. What I don't understand is how she wasn't even slightly embarrassed to tell me she had rooted through that drawer to find money given its contents. Also the whole thing suggested she had had a previous rifle through to know money was there as it wasn't an obvious place IYSWIM.

Esmeismyhero Fri 17-Jul-15 20:25:13

Yanbu if it makes you uncomfortable, I personally don't care if my parents come in my room.

If they see dh and I naked then it's their eyes that will need washing lol.

123Jump Fri 17-Jul-15 20:28:16

Just point out to her that it isn't just your bedroom, it is DHs too.

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