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AIBU to say no more house-guests until after baby's born?

(21 Posts)
LilacWine7 Fri 17-Jul-15 17:38:27

I'm 7months pregnant. Still struggling with hyperemesis. Over the last few months DH and I had lots of guests (long-distance friends and family). It was nice and I appreciated them making the journey, but it became exhausting. Most stayed a few nights and although some helped out around house, I found socialising a strain.

I'm still on sick-leave and DH works long hours, so the laundry, food prep, cleaning etc falls to me. TBH I'm sick of scrubbing the guest-bathroom, washing towels and changing bedlinen. DH does most of the entertaining, takes them out to let me rest etc and he's a great host. But I want to be able to walk around in my PJs, throw up without them overhearing, and get to sleep without tipsy guests staggering up and down the stairs! I also dislike people touching my bump and feel like I'm constantly fending them off! I know they're excited about the baby but I find the attention a bit overwhelming.

A month ago, DH agreed no more guests. Then 2 family members wanted to visit, so we relaxed the rule. Now more people are asking to visit before the birth, including my mum, who visited recently. Also an old friend has just announced she has a work conference in our city next month and wants to stay for a whole week!! DH isn't putting any pressure on me to agree, but I know he feels awkward saying no to them. He's also more extrovert than me and loves company. So the ball's in my court.

AIBU to ask them not to come while I'm pregnant? I just want these last 2months to be about quality time with DH, without the upheaval of guests and all the planning it involves. How do I say no without offending them?

Longtalljosie Fri 17-Jul-15 17:39:47

Hang on - you've got HG and you're doing all the housework?!

Jackie0 Fri 17-Jul-15 17:40:49

On God that would drive me nuts and I'm not pregnant !
Yanbu at all.
You need to say no

HomeIsWhereTheHeartIs Fri 17-Jul-15 17:43:10

YANBU sounds like a nightmare.

midnightvelvetPart2 Fri 17-Jul-15 17:43:23

Your not wanting guests trumps your dh's awkwardness.

Smile & be firm!

VegasIsBest Fri 17-Jul-15 17:43:57

I never understand these threads. Why not just tell the truth and say it's not convenient at the moment. What's the problem with that?

Icimoi Fri 17-Jul-15 17:44:13

Absolutely YANBU. If your mum's visited recently, she can wait till after the birth. And friend with the work conference is presumably entitled to have a hotel paid for by her employers, so there's no reason why she can't stick with that. But for your own sake and the baby's, you really need a peaceful, restful couple of months before the birth.

Anon4Now2015 Fri 17-Jul-15 17:44:43

I would just very politely say no it's not possible - you've both agreed no more houseguests until the baby is born. I wouldn't offer any more explanation than that as then you get into the territory of people saying "Oh but I can look after you/I'll do all the cooking" etc which doesn't really solve the problem. Suggest some hotels to them and say you'll look forward to meeting them for dinner (in a restauarant!) while they're in your city

cailindana Fri 17-Jul-15 17:45:13

I can't believe you're even asking. You're 7 months pregnant, which is hard enough, but you also have HG. Why on earth would anyone want to stay with you? Are they really that inconsiderate??

pasturesgreen Fri 17-Jul-15 17:45:31

Just say no! You're 7 months pregnant, suffering from HG...surely that's enough explanation should you need any!

ladyrosy Fri 17-Jul-15 17:45:59

Yanbu. Saying no to residential houseguests is completely reasonable at 7 months pregnant, let alone 7 months pregnant and ill!

LokiBear Fri 17-Jul-15 17:47:09

I would say 'no more guests until the baby is one'. Daytime visitors are fine but you won't want house guests when your baby arrives.

ChickyEgg Fri 17-Jul-15 17:48:23

Don't these people realise that at 7 months pregnant and with HG you won't want to be doing this? You both need to be saying no and meaning it.

5YearsTime Fri 17-Jul-15 17:51:56

As someone with a fairly new baby and having had HG time to start saying no! You'll need it for post baby too, you don't need or want people staying when the baby is here either, you really really don't. Just say "sorry no, it's not convenient"

Hassled Fri 17-Jul-15 17:52:17

Friend with work conference is absolutely taking the piss - tell her to book a hotel like most people would. And stick to your guns - this time is important. You won't get it back - don't waste it by being polite.

whois Fri 17-Jul-15 18:24:50

absolutely you are NOT being U.

Mum can come after the birth.

Old friend can stay in a hotel for their conference.

mumof2oneofeach Fri 17-Jul-15 18:38:17

No more guests, madness, you'll be exhausted. Just politely say that you'd rather no one came as you're tired and need to prepare. Also remember that babies don't stick to a timetable, they can come early!

LilacWine7 Fri 17-Jul-15 20:05:11

Thanks for replies everyone... I feel much better about saying no to them now. Such a relief as I really want to relax and have some privacy at home with DH before baby comes. And let the housework slide for a bit! smile

Yes I forgot the friend with work conference can claim hotel expenses to her company! I think she's a bit lonely. I'll do what Anon says and suggest meeting for dinner in a restaurant one night.
As for my mum, I think she'll understand if I explain I need some quiet time to prepare for the birth. She was very helpful and caring when she visited recently but I felt I had to play-down the HG as she worries a lot. The stress of trying to vomit quietly and smile through the nausea is not something I need right now!

FeedYourselfSmiles Fri 17-Jul-15 20:27:13

I can't believe people have the cheek to ask. I didn't even want people visiting at that point with HG. Also got weirdly posessive of my place towards the end. I hope your mum understands. Don't let anyone bully you into visitors after birth either if you don't want them.

elliejjtiny Fri 17-Jul-15 20:50:07

YANBU. At all. You're off sick from work with HG, you shouldn't have to deal with guests. I had "normal" morning sickness and couldn't have coped with guests.

knackered69 Fri 17-Jul-15 21:09:01

Jeepers! Of course you are not being unreasonable! I would draw a line under it now - you poor thing!

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