to think this mother has been rude and thoughtless (birthday party related)

[lem73]

Last week we invited a girl from dd's class for tea. Let's call her Amy. She has only just started this term. When we dropped her at home the mother said thanks etc and the little girl whispered something in her ear. So the mum said 'oh yes, would your DD like to come to Amy's birthday next weekend (Sat 18th)'. I said yes that's fine thanks for the invitation, she can come'. The mum said she'd give me a proper invitation at school, she was just a bit disorganized. I couldn't help thinking dd was just an after thought but as it was said in front of dd I had to accept. Anyway she hasn't given me an invitation and I'm sure she's trying to avoid me at school. I didn't really care til dd came out of school and started asking questions about Amy's party on Saturday, as some girls were talking about it. I said I'm sorry we've not been given a proper invitation so it looks like you're not invited after all. She got upset and said 'but her mum told me I was'.
So my question is this: AIBU to think if you tell a 7 year old child to their face that they are invited to a party you don't change your mind and hope they are either forgetful or thick skinned? I agree not everyone needs to be invited but she told dd she was and has apparently changed her mind. In the past my dcs have gone and invited extra kids to parties without asking first and I would never dream of letting a child down, even if it costs extra. It was even her child who did the inviting, it was her.

[bobajob]

Call her and ask for the details.

[sweetgrape]

I'd call her and ask what time the party starts. Tell her your DD is so excited by it.

[MammaTJ]

I would be as bold as bobajob suggests under these circumstances. She HAS invited her, you are not being rude or forward, you are just confirming the details!

After all, she did say she was disorganised!

[sooperdooper]

As the others say, she is invited, just ask for the time/venue

[WhenYouGottaGo]

My DD has done just this tonight - she has invited a child to her party who wasn't originally invited. It's OK to say you "would never dream of letting a child down, even if it costs extra" if you have the money. I don't have the money. I am literally scraping together pennies for my child's birthday party and have no idea yet what I'm going to do about this extra child she has invited. If the mum is new to the school and doesn't know the children yet she might have thought your DD was one of the ones already invited. I know this probably doesn't help your situation (sorry) but please don't judge her, I'm sure she never intended to upset any child.

[EeyoresTail]

Oh dear, I feel sorry for your DD.
I'd call the mother. Is there anything nice you can do with your DD to make up for it on Saturday if it falls through?

[grumpysquash]

If the mum invited the child directly, then it's absolutely fair game to go to the party.

However, if she didn't tell you where it is, it's a bit of a problem.

So, if she said "2pm @ sports hall for soft play" then just show up. If you don't have the details, you'll have to choose between finding out from another mum or not going....

[freezation]

The daughter didn't invite your DD though, the mum did. She could have easily said nothing. I'd do as others have suggested and ring asking for details.

[TheHouseOnBellSt]

Definitely call and ask! Rude woman.

[lem73]

Whenyougottago it wasn't her daughter who added an extra to the list it was her, so it's her problem to cough up the extra cash.
Could she really be so disorganised? She managed not to forget my invitation to her daughter for tea! I know the location but only that it's in the afternoon. I don't think I have the balls to call her up because I do think she has invited her then changed her mind. I might ask someone who knows her quite well to see if she could possibly be so forgetful

[wheresthelight]

I actually think you are the one being unreasonable. You have upset your daughter without even checking with Amy's mum. It is entirely possible your suspicions are correct. However, it is equally possible that Amy has the invite and has forgotten to hand it to your dd or that she is genuinely as disorganised as she said she was and has forgotten she hasn't given you the details.

Why on earth would you tell your daughter she wasn't invited after all rather than being a grown up and asking the mother??

[PurpleSwift]

Can you just text?

[queenmools]

I agree with wheresthelight, you've jumped to a lot of conclusions here.

[AyMamita]

What wheresthelightsaid

[littlejohnnydory]

She really could be so busy that she's forgotten to send the invitation - I am terribly disorganised with things like that, some people are just rubbish at admin. She invited your dd to the party, so just go if you know where it is. If not then message her, "thanks again for inviting dd, she's so pleased. Just wondering what time the party is on Saturday and where it's going to be"

[Wineandrosesagain]

For god's sake just ring the mother and ask!

[lem73]

Yes I can see where you're coming from. I may have made an assumption. If I text the mum what do I say without sounding sad/desperate? How about 'omg just realised it's Amy's party on Saturday and you haven't given me the details.'

[Pico2]

I'd just say "DD is really looking forward to Amy's party on Saturday, please could you let me know where and when to bring her".

[AwfulBeryl]

Yes, I agree with wheresthelight, she probably just forgot to give you the invitation. If she knew you were coming it probably slipped her mind.
Why don't you call / text.

[MsVestibule]

I really, really don't see the problem. You just phone/text her saying 'Thanks again for the invitation to Amy's party - can you let me know what time it starts?'

[ilovesooty]

Why can't you just call and ask?

[AwfulBeryl]

x post, yes just say that, it's fine.

[wheresthelight]

Simply give her a call and say dd was talking about how excited everyone is for Amy's party and it made you realise you hadn't seen her come home with the invite and could you please have the details

[Metalguru]

How about, what's Amy into at the moment? Would like to get her a present she would like - btw, can you confirm times for the party? Thanks ????

[TendonQueen]

Also, you don't know the invitation hasn't been put in Amy's school bag to pass on then lost or forgotten. This actually happened to my DS who was adamant he had been invited to a classmate's party though he had no actual invitation. I asked the mum at drop off, being careful to say 'he might have got confused, I told him not everyone would be going..' but it was genuine and the invitation had been lost. You know even better as you heard the verbal invitation yourself, so I would text or ring the mum and ask for party details as they didn't reach you. Don't make your DD miss out for the lack of a piece of paper.