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I don't trust my exh new gf around my dc.

(17 Posts)
Babymario15 Thu 16-Jul-15 21:01:55

My exh has a new girlfriend. Been together 4 months I think. I do not trust her as far as I could throw her.

She goes out drinking a lot, every weekend she doesn't have her children. She had 3 kids, her eldest lives with his dad because he toke her caught claiming she was a bad mum.

Since being in a relationship exh has found her profile on a escorting website. She has new feedback.

I honestly believe he's with her because he's lonely, but I don't care about that tbh.

He's now saying he wants to take the kids out with her to Cadbury world ect. I feel physically sick.

I dont know what to do sad

Mrsjayy Thu 16-Jul-15 21:14:24

You say no its too soon for the children to meet her they need to spend time woth just their dad. 4 months is no time imo

wheresthelight Thu 16-Jul-15 21:23:20

Unfortunately you cannot dictate who they spend time with when they are with him. Imagine the boot was on the other foot and he banned you from having the kids when your friend was present, how would you feel?

DoreenLethal Thu 16-Jul-15 21:24:35

What can she do at Cadbury World?

MammaTJ Thu 16-Jul-15 21:26:57

Sorry but the legal position is that if he has the DC, then your are deemed to trust him, therefore whoever he chooses they spend time with when with him is up to him.

listsandbudgets Thu 16-Jul-15 21:28:51

I'd agree to something like Cadbury World. Why not say that you don't want them staying overnight with her yet but they could try going on a few day trips. It would give you and your DCs a chance to see how things pan out.

I can understand you being cautious though

Fooshufflewickbannanapants Thu 16-Jul-15 21:29:03

Yanbu to feel that way,
but unless you have serious genuine concerns of them being in danger then you can't tell him what he can and can't do, how would you like it if the situation was reversed? Its not the girlfriends responsibility its your exh responsibility to ensure the kids are ok. Like I said even if you don't like it you can't dictate to your ex how he spends his time with the children.

Fooshufflewickbannanapants Thu 16-Jul-15 21:30:26

X post wheresthelight

UrethraFranklin1 Thu 16-Jul-15 21:33:19

You cant tell him whether or not they can meet her or not, or when. Hes their parent just as much as you and can do as he likes while he has them. Best you can do is tell him your concerns and hope he pays attention, but he doesnt have to.

MistressDeeCee Fri 17-Jul-15 00:50:52

How do you know so much about her? Your exh must have told you..he clearly isn't being loyal to her at all in that case, yet he wants the DCs around her. Unless you have direct evidence all of this is true Id take it with a pinch of salt. There are men who do this - bitch about the new woman to their ex, and its so weak.

But yanbu re. how you feel, upon hearing all this. I truly don't believe any mother would think oh well I can't tell him what to do..you'd fight for your child not to be around a woman who drinks, and has issues with her own DCs, & is on a site offering sex to strangers. Nobody would let that slide unless they were afraid, or uncaring

If your ex is the one thats told you all this about her then tell him bluntly exactly why you don't want DCs around her, then take it from there. In your shoes I wouldn't let this go, Id take action you DO have a say is your DCs are being forced to interact with unsuitable people. Id make it difficult for it to happen at all

I still feel though, that the story doesn't ring true its very extreme, some men chat shit at times its not wise to believe everything they tell you especially when its about another woman

Babymario15 Fri 17-Jul-15 11:07:08

Sadly it's all true. The escorting website Iv seen.

And she told me herself that her eldest lives with his dad.

Her Facebook profile (she tried adding me) shows a lot of drunk photos.

Cherryblossomsinspring Fri 17-Jul-15 12:08:08

I can understand how you feel but it's your exh decision who is around your child when in his care. It sounds like he will be there so I don't know what exactly you think this woman will do to your child but I think your ex will make sure child is safe and well just as you would in your care. He has a right to choose whatever partner he wishes as long as they are not a danger to your child, I think you need to make peace with it.

googoodolly Fri 17-Jul-15 12:13:12

I'm really sorry but you can't dictate who your ex-h brings around the children. How would you like it if he did the same for one of your friends?

DadfromUncle Fri 17-Jul-15 12:33:59

The escorting website Iv seen.

The what?

Spartans Fri 17-Jul-15 12:53:56

She goes out Drinking a lot. Lots of parents and carers do. Also drunk photos on fb does not mean that's all they do.

She was an escort (maybe) that's for your ex to sort. If he believed she was still doing it, would he be with her? A male friend of mine found his own profile with full name on an escort site, much to his surprise. Usually when you contact they say 'this person isn't available but we can arrange someone else'. We tried this and were unable to book my friend, but we're offerd a similar person. A bit like Internet supermarket shopping with sub your food, I suppose. Recent feedback could be simply whoever is running the company trying to increase business.

She doesn't have her oldest child.....plenty of men don't have their children living with them after a split, do you judge them in the same way?

Besides which you can not dictate who they spend time with when they are with their dad. A day trip out is the best meeting place, imo.

Yabu because it's not like she is having them on her own. It' must be difficult for you, but I think this sort of meeting is best and nothing you have said makes me think she is a danger.

QforCucumber Fri 17-Jul-15 12:58:01

Most of my Facebook pics are drunk ones, because they're the only time I really get into photographic opportunities - last time i was out was over a month ago.

The life on facebook and the real one are completely different things IMO.

Does your EXH know she is an escort? maybe he's ok with it?
Did she tell you the reason why her child lives with his dad? or just that he does?

LuckyBitches Fri 17-Jul-15 15:55:43

How did you find her on the escort website - presumably she doesn't use her real name?

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