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To wish people would stop bloody saying this

(120 Posts)
likeaboss Thu 16-Jul-15 20:23:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flisspaps Thu 16-Jul-15 20:26:26

YANBU.

Wolfiefan Thu 16-Jul-15 20:27:24

YANBU. You have clearly had a tough time.
My 5 year old can dress and feed herself. If she is upset she can tell me why and we can try and sort it out. She can play and amuse herself whilst I have a shower in the morning or start dinner at night.
My 12 year old is lovely. He is caring and loving. He helps out around the house. I get cuddles as well as the odd eye roll!
I finally get sleep and to go to the toilet in peace!!!

ItsNotAsPerfectAsItSeems Thu 16-Jul-15 20:30:14

God I hated the baby stage. If I could give birth to a 2yr old I'd have had 10! All babies do is cry and whinge and never sleep when you wAnt them too. I have 4, 3 boys who never slept and now a daughter who also never sleeps. So when people say it only gets worse, they are, IMO, talking out of their bums!
It really gets so much easier when they can walk and more so, talk. They still whinge massively but at least you understand them a little better and they understand you a little better.

Having said all that, I put off babies until late 30s because I always knew they would catastrophically change my life. But honestly, 18mths+ is so much nicer.

summersnowshowers Thu 16-Jul-15 20:30:55

Yanbu at all. My 3 year old is much lovelier now than she was as a baby!

googietheegg Thu 16-Jul-15 20:31:14

Some people are really shit at conversation - they just don't think how their comments make people feel. My mil is very like this and it makes me dread being in her company. I have no advice other than a fist pump / it's really hard.

Nolim Thu 16-Jul-15 20:32:05

For my dc the toddler stage has been a lot more easier than the baby stage.

Bellebella Thu 16-Jul-15 20:32:36

Oh I know how you feel, I had awful pnd as soon as my ds arrived and it does get easier. My ds is nearly 2 now and while he can be hard work(nasty temper!) he is in a routine, he is more active, we can get out and about more, more sleep etc. I found the newborn stage the hardest, it was sleepless nights, struggle with feeding, awful pnd and newborns are boring. Much easier now I have had anti-depressants and counselling.

I must admit though I do look back and wish his newborn stage was happier. It was such a awful time that I don't even remember it. Now he is a squirmy toddler, I wished I enjoyed him as a newborn in my arms more.

Still I am hopeful that if I had a second baby, i will have a better time of it and enjoy it more.

SweetAndFullOfGrace Thu 16-Jul-15 20:34:47

YANBU. I hated the baby stage, it was boring and tiring. And I didn't have PND or mastitis so I know there are ways for it to be even worse than it was for me. DD is so much more interesting now she can interact like a person and respond when I tell her about stuff, it's much easier.

Givemecoffeeplease Thu 16-Jul-15 20:35:44

I promise you that the truth is it gets easier every single day. Mine is only 18m but I love our time together and really struggled with the newborn stage. Yes I know I've got tantrums to come - but at least he can feed himself, walk and play, sleep through the night, be entertained by the TV.... And this stage will be with you in a flash. So yanbu, and look forward to it easing off a bit. X

Iammad Thu 16-Jul-15 20:35:56

Yanbu drives me mad, and the thing Is people say this to Me about my 9 month old!
Forgetting that my eldest is nearly 15!
Tbf my youngest from around 6 weeks is a breeze compared to My teen sorry to say.
But all children are different and all stages of their lifes are going to be met with difficulties and hopefully some nicer times thrown in.
I found just starting school an nice age lol.

Once they start talking it gets massively easier IMO, I also remember feeling a big shift for the better at around 4 months. Yes there are hard aspects at subsequent stages, but being able to communicate properly makes such a difference to everything, as does a decent night's sleep.

WhispersOfWickedness Thu 16-Jul-15 20:36:24

YANBU, I'm another one who hated the baby stage.
I'm an introvert too, and really struggled with being physically attached to them all day, by the evening I couldn't even let the cat sit on my lap, I was totally touched out.
They are absolutely amazing now they are 3 and 5, so much fun with a little bit of independence but I am still the bees knees in their eyes grin
It DEFINITELY gets easier, hang in there! thankswine

ARunOfThings Thu 16-Jul-15 20:37:31

YANBU. I hated people saying "Well, stock up on sleep now; you'll need it once the baby arrives!". He has turned out to be a horrendous sleeper, but I've coped. It made me very anxious, though - I think some people just don't realise that those of us who are not so confident can actually be really devastated by this.

Of course, it would be much more helpful to say "Would you like me to come round some morning to watch the baby while you have a showed?" or "I'll make you a few meals - is there anything you don't eat?". But I got a lot less of that!

PaulineFossil Thu 16-Jul-15 20:37:56

Oh my goodness, op, I'm with you. Both mine were so, so much more fun from 1 onwards. Being able to reason with them, share a joke, do craft stuff, watch them run around the garden and examine creepy crawlies - it only gets better. There are still challenges, obviously but really seeing their little personalities develop and start to hear what they have to say to you is just great.

26milesofcbeebies Thu 16-Jul-15 20:39:07

YANBU
Lots gets much better.

My 5 year old likes to have a lie in at the weekend!
And now neither of mine are in nappies I can leave the house with a normal size handbag.
And I'm not breast feeding anymore so I can wear underwired bras.
All good things and definitely an improvement on the baby stage.

likeaboss Thu 16-Jul-15 20:39:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aramynta Thu 16-Jul-15 20:39:52

YANBU. I went through the same thing and for some unknown reason had a second!

If you are like me, which it sounds like you are, it will feel easier when she can talk and entertain herself.

I'm going to PM you too OP, if that's OK, and if you want to you can talk to me.

thanks

msgrinch Thu 16-Jul-15 20:40:25

ignore people who say such ridiculous nonsense. I enjoy ds much more now at 7 than I did when he was tiny. You've had a rough time, I sympathise pnd ruined me. You're doing a great job. thanks

Rollermum Thu 16-Jul-15 20:42:02

Yanbu! I totally relate to the grim early days. My DD is only 2 so I can't comment beyond then but it is soooooo much easier. I now have some sleep most of the time, she can tell me what is wrong, she can sometimes amuse herself. She's fun and funny. I don't have that touched out breastfeeding / baby will only sleep on my head feeling.

ginnybag Thu 16-Jul-15 20:42:48

Nope and my DH would agree. DD was a 'good' baby, but I still enjoyed her more as she became an actual person. She's five now and I've no desire for another baby, ever, but I would love another child, if that follows. For me, it definitely gets better with age, so far at least.

Deliaskis Thu 16-Jul-15 20:43:54

I don't know why people say it, but I felt the same as you. I had a miserable time during the baby stage, and will always look back on it as a black period. But DD is 4.5 now and funny and bright and kind and just hilarious, and it's so much fun spending time with her. I think the first year I was just enduring rather than enjoying her, and I still have PND up to about 18 months, but from 2 onwards it has just got easier and more fun with every week that goes by.

Everyone's experience is different of course, but the way I look at it is, by loving being a parent more and more as time goes by, I am having better and better experiences, and there's so much more to look forward to, which I think it is a more positive outlook than feeling like the best bit is already gone...

PaulineFossil Thu 16-Jul-15 20:44:13

Oh and I got some mightily odd looks when I was pregnant with DC2 and someone said to me at a toddler group ' Oh, I bet you're looking forward to having a cuddly baby again' while watching my very active dc1 playing and I relied that no actually, what I was really looking forward to was another 2 year old, I just had to get through the baby bit to get him :-)

Laquila Thu 16-Jul-15 20:44:22

I can only sympathise - it is incredibly frustrating and patronising, even well it's ostensibly well-intentioned, or at least not malicious. I hugely resented people telling me to "make the most of my newborn", as if I was sitting around playing Xbox all the time and ignoring him.

InQuiteAPickle Thu 16-Jul-15 20:44:26

Oh don't listen! It doesn't get worse, I promise.

They get cheekier at times and they start to answer back but it definitely doesn't get worse.

I must admit that I am guilty of saying similar at times when I'm asked if I'll have more as sometimes I'll reply, "no, they're alright when they're babies but they turn into cheeky 8 year olds" with a pointed look at DD1, but I'm only joking. I'll stop saying it, although I'm a bit sick of "are you having anymore/don't you want a boy? etc".

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