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New arrangements with dd now partner has left....

(6 Posts)
Newbie100 Thu 16-Jul-15 16:04:08

Hi, I'm hoping this is normal the way I'm feeling.
Basically my partner left me 3 weeks ago, long story short we haven't been getting on he's a terrible drunk and he accused me of cheating (which was not true) and left... No convo no nothing.

Obviously I'm in a bad place right now, and struggling emotionally.
My partners picked dd up for a visit each week since he's been gone, however this weekend he's asked to have her overnight on sat at his sisters.
I know she has to see him and overnight visits are inevitable but it feeling so sick over it, she's only stayed away twice in the last 4 years. Just feel so terrible that her little life is now headed this way and keep blaming myself.
Questions like will she grow up okay, will she want to come back to me... Sounds silly when I'm typing..
But does it get easier ? Will I ever feel normal again.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 16-Jul-15 16:13:25

That's really hard.
It's all so raw for both of you to upset her current routine may not be the best idea in the world. She's just had her whole world turned upside down. She needs stability right now and what is familiar.
Has she stayed at his sisters before?
If not then I would introduce her steadily.
So you visit with her.
Then she visits on her own for an hour or so.
Then for a whole day but not overnight.
Is he reasonable enough to understand this will help your DD?

Newbie100 Thu 16-Jul-15 17:33:47

No he's really not,he always used to say to me if we ever broke up I'd fight u if u ever stopped me from seeing dd... To be fair I still share child care with his sister so dd goes there twice a week in the day and her kids come to me twice a week so the environment will be familiar to her and she spends most of her days with's just the whole overnight thing that scares me..
Does it get easier? I'm still shocked by the whole situation and keep thinking this is going to be a bad dream sad

ghostyslovesheep Thu 16-Jul-15 17:36:42

it does get easier

I remember waving them off when they went to meet the OW for the first time (I even got flowers for them to give her) I felt utterly broken

he lives with her now and they spend 3 nights a week there - I don't care now - 6 years on

TheHouseOnBellSt Thu 16-Jul-15 17:37:41

So DD is comfortable with his sister....I am so sorry OP and can imagine this and how it feels but I think you should let her go and dress it up as a sleepover....can you tell his sister how nervous you are?

Newbie100 Thu 16-Jul-15 20:10:53

Thank you for your messages,

I've spoken to his sister and she's reassured me that if any things wrong she would call me. I know deep down that she will be fine it's just getting used to all this that's hard to bear..
It's good to know that it does her easier thank you... Can't wait to be in that place

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