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To be utterly desperate for some SLEEP

(10 Posts)
missmargot Thu 16-Jul-15 08:14:48

DS is 18 months. He slept through at 12 weeks, then hit the four month sleep regression and has been patchy ever since.

He can sleep through and he sometimes does, occasionally even for weeks on end and then we are back to square one.

Sometimes he only wakes once or twice which I can cope with. Monday was an ok night, Tuesday he slept through and last night he was awake screaming from midnight until 5am. I broke down in tears at 4am and was feeling so wretched that I couldn't sleep when he finally did.

For months he had recurring ear infections which were the probably cause but they have cleared up. I don't think he's teething, he didn't have a temperature, wasn't too hot or cold, ate plenty and slept well during the day.

I work full time and I am making mistakes because I'm so tired which is starting to get noticed. I have a constant headache, I cry at the slightest thing and I am miserable.

DH does get up in the night but often has a long drive the following day (think 4-5 hours) whereas I often work from home so it makes sense for me to get up more. Plus I am so conditioned to the sound of his crying that I wake anyway.

Is controlled crying our only choice here?

stressedoutnan Thu 16-Jul-15 08:23:46

I'm sorry that you aren't getting much sleep, you have my sympathy because I can't cope after one might of broken sleep in get migraines or am just really moody. k your shoes I would definitely be doing controlled crying. In fact I would have done it long ago, you need to think of yourself too and the sooner he sleeps through, the sooner he will and you will be happier. you know that he's fine so he may be doing it for attention. How many naps does he have in the day? it may be worth dropping one

LokiBear Thu 16-Jul-15 08:26:07

My dd didn't sleep through until she was 2 and a half. She had colic in the beginning and a milk intolerance so never drank mill in any real quantity. She was very skinny. It took a good two years for her to fill out. At 18 months I was still feeding her twice at night. A milk feed and nappy change took 20 minutes max and then she went back to sleep. She dropped the milk feeds by herself as she got older. I could sleep on two or three blocks of 3 hours. I adjusted by going to bed earlier. I don't think controlled crying will work as your ds's waking do not sound habitual. What is he like for going to bed? Do you have a routine? With his ear infections, have you tried raising his head? You could introduce a pillow if you haven't already?

MissJoMarch Thu 16-Jul-15 08:32:05

With a child of that age I'd say CC is the way to go.

My DD didn't sleep through for 14 months, I went to GP, had sleep specialist health visitor and we tried everything. Then I just put some ear defenders in and ignored her.

Separate the ear infection from sleep and get that sorted.

You do not need permission from anyone to do CC, many of us have been there and heard other mums say 'Oohh I could never do that'. But IMO they're the mums who's kids had 2-3 shit months then slept through.

Be strong. Make sure your LO is well fed, safe and at good temp and then ignore.

Saltedcaramel2014 Thu 16-Jul-15 08:33:37

This sounds really tough. That bloomin 4 month sleep regression, it's a killer. Totally changed DSs good sleeping. If there is a history of ear infections I would make sure you rule out any medical causes before even considering CC.

Lack of sleep is brutal. I also work from home which makes it slightly easier but nothing makes up for those long stretches at night. We found things improved as DS neared 2.

sleep deprivation is a really big deal. Like you're experiencing it affects your concentration, your emotions, your mood - everything. Take it seriously. Talk to people, come on here and moan all you like! It's shit. It is not for ever. But you have to keep healthy and sane/happy while you're going through it.

missmargot Thu 16-Jul-15 09:51:52

Thank you everyone for being kind. I can see why sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture, I don't remember ever feeling worse than I do now.

Your replies have summed up perfectly how I feel about the way forwards. On the one hand he is 18 months old and I need some sleep so CC has to be the way forward. On the other hand he can sleep and sometimes does, it isn't habitual and there could be another cause.

We sawing ENT consultant a few weeks ago, his right ear drum has perforated whilst he's been on the waiting list for grommets but the consultant believes he shouldn't be suffering any more.

Also (and this is a massive drip feed but I'm honestly not sure it is relevant) DS did have cancer last year and lost an eye as a result. However he didn't have chemo, his treatment is finished, he has the all clear and isn't in any physical pain as a result. Maybe I'm being extra PFB with him because of that?

LokiBear Thu 16-Jul-15 10:18:39

Do you feed him when he wakes up?

missmargot Thu 16-Jul-15 11:08:01

If he asks for milk or water then I generally will give it to him but he only asks maybe one wake up in four so I don't think it's milk he is waking for. He has formula at night when he does ask for milk but I make it very weakly, 1-2 scoops in a 7oz bottle.

AndThisIsTrue Thu 16-Jul-15 11:19:51

Screaming for 5 hours doesn't sound like he is doing it just for attention. Is that what normally happens when he wakes during the night? I would get him checked out again incase its his ears again. Does he seem ok during the day? Does he have toys in his cot? A huge break through in DSs sleep was him choosing three little teddies to go his cot with him and also giving him a duvet instead of sleeping bags.
CC doesn't guarantee they will sleep through from what I can gather from friends, they seem to have to repeat it every few months! Sympathies though sleep deprivation is horrible, DS has started sleeping through now at 2.3, I thought we would never get to this point but we did.

missmargot Thu 16-Jul-15 11:51:30

It's good to hear from others that have been through it and survived!

His waking usually falls into three categories- had a bad dream or just cant resettle so quick cuddle or feed and back to sleep, wanting to play or screaming. Screaming is very rare and usually caused by something obvious.

I did give him some Calpol in case he was in pain but it didn't help. We are at the GP next week for a check up anyway so will ask them to look at his ears, although previously there has been a very visible discharge and they look clear at the moment.

He does have a teddy and a little comfort blanket, but I wonder if you are on to something with the duvet. He is still in Grobags at the moment (weather depending) but I wonder whether is ready for a cot duvet instead. Will try and pick one up this afternoon.

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