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AIBU to feel let down over this?

(31 Posts)
Dontloookbackinanger Wed 15-Jul-15 18:26:58

DStep Sister is 26, 10 years younger than me, & we've always been close. Since I had my DS 2 years ago she's come round most weeks for a play and stayed for dinner. Occasionally I wish it would occur to her to bring a bottle of wine or pudding, but I enjoy having her (and DS adores her) and so don't really mind. Although I'm a SAHM and on a tight budget so sometimes it's a bit of a struggle.

At the beginning of the year I asked if she'd babysit on 2 occasions this year, she readily agreed & I gave her the dates. I've reminded her periodically since then. As I have no childcare I very rarely go out.

Last month she told me she now can't do the September date as she's mistakenly double booked herself. I was hurt and upset as it's a very good friend's wedding who I've known for 18 years, and now DH can't go. I told her this and she just said sorry she couldn't change her plans.

The other date is tomorrow and she was due to work from my house (she works from home 1 day a week). She just called me to say she doesnt think she can do that now. She's worked from home to visit her boyfriend all last week & her boss is now not happy about tomorrow. So we have tickets for a concert and now 1 of us can't go. It would have been my 1st evening out alone with DH this year as he works away a lot. I had hairdresser booked (haven't been able to go for months) and was so so looking forward to it.

I know it's not the end of the world and I still love her and don't want to fall out with her, but AIBU to feel really let down.

DeanParrish Wed 15-Jul-15 18:30:08

Yes yanbu. She has really let you down. I'm sorry your plans have been spoilt by her.
Does she know how disappointed you are?

woowoo22 Wed 15-Jul-15 18:30:18

YANBU! At all. WTF??!!

PicaK Wed 15-Jul-15 18:32:37

Yes and no. I feel your pain. But really when you are 26 do you have any idea of what it will be like 10 years down the line with kids.
Book a babysitter. Take the financial hit and go. Make friends locally for reciprocal babysitting for the sept wedding.

Dontloookbackinanger Wed 15-Jul-15 18:37:58

It's not the money in paying for a babysitter, it's that my 2 YO would be terrified being left with someone he doesn't know.
I've tried leaving him with an Aunt he only sees every couple of months and he screamed himself sick and after 90 minutes she called me to come home. It's the reason I hardly ever go out.

Pippa12 Wed 15-Jul-15 18:40:08

That's absolutely rotten! I'd be furious and so upset. Im afraid my sister would be getting some home truths if I was you. I really hope you find alternative arrangements x

SycamoreMum Wed 15-Jul-15 18:44:03

Oh thats just annoying but obviously shes 26. Shes not thinking 'oh no cant do that; babysitting!' Bit crappy for you though but now would be the time to make more friends, you and DS and go to play groups so he loosens up and has play dates. Then you may have extra hands for

SquinkiesRule Wed 15-Jul-15 18:44:39

You do need to explain all this to her, she really doesn't get it and needs to grow up a bit and take responsibility for her time, she had these dates well in advance and has let you down badly. No need to feel like you have to protect her feelings, she hasn't thought about yours.
It doesn't mean you don't still love her and she needs to know this.

Alisvolatpropiis Wed 15-Jul-15 18:45:27


It's not her age. I'm 26 and only very recently a parent. I was still aware of how rude it is to dick people about and let them down before I birthed my own child. It's basic manners.

BettyCatKitten Wed 15-Jul-15 18:48:52

Yanbu, unreliable people are a pet hate of mine.

happygirl87 Wed 15-Jul-15 18:49:40

I'm (just) 28, no kids but am a step mum and a godmother. No way would I let someone down like this! Mind you, I also wouldn't say I was working from home if I was in sole charge of a 2 yr old...

Dontloookbackinanger Wed 15-Jul-15 18:50:58

Thanks for all the messages. It really helps to know I'm not going mad.

I take DS to play groups every day. But I'm in central London and it's not so easy to make babysitting type friends. It's mostly nannys there who we chat to & they already have babysitting responsibilities/ value their time off.

marujadelujo Wed 15-Jul-15 18:54:37

YANBU. And I don't understand how anyone can entertain the idea that being 26 and not a parent is an excuse or a reason for such behaviour. It's not.

Anon4Now2015 Wed 15-Jul-15 18:54:53

I take DS to play groups every day. But I'm in central London and it's not so easy to make babysitting type friends. It's mostly nannys there who we chat to & they already have babysitting responsibilities/ value their time off.

It's probably too late for tomorrow now, but why don't you explain the circumstances with the wedding to some of the nannies and ask if one of them would be willing to babysit? Given the circumstances they may well be happy to help (and earn a bit extra)

PageNotFound404 Wed 15-Jul-15 18:55:06

It shouldn't matter how old she is. She made a commitment and she should stick to it. 26 isn't a feckless teenager. Keeping your word, whatever it is you've promised to do, isn't something that only parents are capable of.


Viviennemary Wed 15-Jul-15 18:55:57

I hate this unreliability in folk. YANBU. She was only expected to babysit twice and is letting you down both times. Especially letting you down for friend's wedding as she's had plenty of notice. It's cheeky.

DoreenLethal Wed 15-Jul-15 18:59:58

Working from home and looking after a child; she can't do both anyway. If she is looking after a child, she isn't working.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Wed 15-Jul-15 19:00:08

Have you told her what you have said here?

Dontloookbackinanger Wed 15-Jul-15 19:10:36

On the working from home - the plan was that DSS would arrive at mine at lunchtime. I would give DS lunch and then put him down for nap & go to hairdressers. I'd then come back & get DS up and take him out, then get back and prep his dinner, leave at 5pm and put him in front of telly for 30 mins whilst she finished work. She'd then be free to feed him dinner and play with him.

Sighing Wed 15-Jul-15 19:21:51

She is unreliable. I'd let the dust settle on this - but she's letting that spill into her working life. I'd mention she needs to improve that for her own good. 26 is too old to not know how to be reliable, so it's her.

missymayhemsmum Wed 15-Jul-15 20:12:35

Understandable to be upset, but can't blame her boss for thinking looking after your child is not 'working from home' and can't blame her for not jeopardiisng her job, tbh.

CrapBag Wed 15-Jul-15 20:24:08

YANBU. Her age and being childless has fuck all to do with it.

I was babysitting my youngest sibling from the age of 15, I got it, it isn't difficult to comprehend that when someone asks you to babysit and makes plans then they are relying on you.

I'd have to spell it out to her how much this has impacted on your plans. I know it's petty but I'd also be less accommodating over feeding her once a week when she never offers to reciprocate.

Dontloookbackinanger Wed 15-Jul-15 20:24:38

Sorry to drip feed - her boss doesn't know she'd be working from mine.

DJThreeDog Wed 15-Jul-15 20:29:44

I don't think her age is an excuse either! She's an adult and she has fucked up your plans.

Aeroflotgirl Wed 15-Jul-15 21:22:22

Exactly, don't ask her again to babysit, she is unreliable and flakey. She is 26, not 16, an adult who should know better. That would put me off her, I would not be as a available to her or keep a bit of a distance.

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