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To wonder if it's ever acceptable to invite yourself somehwere?

(27 Posts)
EmeraldThief Tue 14-Jul-15 21:26:14

Say if you see a group of people that you know but aren't really friends with, talking on Facebook about doing something you like the sound of is it ever acceptable to say, "oooh can I come along?". Obviously I'd not invite myself to a party or invite only event, but if it's in a public place and they are discussing it openly on Facebook surely it's OK?

It's such a minefield. I was always taught it's rude to invite yourself somewhere, yet other people seem to do it all of the time.

Bair Tue 14-Jul-15 21:31:01

I wouldn't, but I'm a grumpy old woman and am of the mindset of 'if I'd wanted someone's company I'd have asked'.

If it's a public event there's no reason for you not to go if you want to though.

EmeraldThief Tue 14-Jul-15 21:38:03

I suppose if I was confident I'd just rock up there, but I'm not confident sadly.

maggiethemagpie Tue 14-Jul-15 21:38:17

I'd be terrified of doing that in case I wasn't wanted and was either rebuffed, or worse, told I could come along and then felt awkward/uncomfortable/unwelcome when I was there.

Marmite27 Tue 14-Jul-15 21:41:45

Anyone who's ever said the same to me has always been invited along.

Which is how a random colleague ended up coming with my mum and I on her (mum's) birthday treat!

EmeraldThief Tue 14-Jul-15 21:47:13

Oh I'd never invite myself to a family event, I think that probably is pushing it.

Marmite27 Tue 14-Jul-15 21:53:19

It ended well, I was her bridesmaid a few years later smile

Though she says I invited myself as revenge!

FurtherSupport Tue 14-Jul-15 22:04:59

I could never do it, as PP said, I'd be too scared of rejection, but I'd be happy enough if someone did it to me.

Haggisfish Tue 14-Jul-15 22:16:08

I'd do it, and have done, if I didn't think the others would mind. We all had a great time!

EmeraldThief Tue 14-Jul-15 22:22:28

Yes, it wouldnt bothers me if someone did it to me either. I suppose its just a fear of rejection thing I suppose.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 Tue 14-Jul-15 22:26:14

Pretty much never acceptable. Terribly bad form to put people in the position of either having to say no or having you come along when for whatever reason they didst want you there.
At best you can say something like, oh that sounds fun, and give them the opening to invite you then. Of course if its a public event you can go along, but you can't go with them.

CrockedPot Tue 14-Jul-15 22:26:35

No! When I was six, I was terribly upset at being the only child in our (small, everyone knew each other) street to not be invited to another girls birthday party. So my mum TOOK ME ANYWAY! Even at six I was mortified, and remind her of it. You ain't invited, you don't go, in my book!

Chesterado Tue 14-Jul-15 22:30:04

I've just done exactly that, on Facebook, but it's a keep fit thing so that's ok right?? (paranoid now)

SavoyCabbage Tue 14-Jul-15 22:33:01

Can you not say something like 'I'm going there too."

FunkyPeacock Tue 14-Jul-15 22:35:29

It would really depend what the event was and how well you know the people - I don't agree with Winter that it is 'pretty much never acceptable' but you would need good judgement as would not be a good idea to ask unless you are reasonably confident that the answer would be yes

I think it would be more acceptable for a one off type event (e.g. concert, festival, trip to races or whatever) that you got the impression was being organised on the hoof. I would never try to invite myself into a well established group (eg. Book club or similar)

ScrambledEggAndToast Tue 14-Jul-15 22:36:55

I wouldn't have the nerve to do it now even though I'm 32 and if it was a public place, there would be no reason for me not to do it. However, when I was a teenager, I used to have no problem doing it and would happily invite myself places if I hadn't already been invited. In fact, I made some of my best friends that way grin

EmeraldThief Tue 14-Jul-15 23:14:34

Surely Book Clubs are open to new memebrs though? Not that I want to join a book club, but if I did I'd have assumed that they are open to anyone who enjoys reading and wants to talk about books?

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty Tue 14-Jul-15 23:28:08

I think there are some times when it would be absolutely fine and some when it would be awful - but it can be hard to judge which is which!

Something like "I've always wanted to see X in concert" or "I was thinking about booking tickets to that too" are good openers which lets them either extend the invitation or politely rebuff without offending

FunkyPeacock Tue 14-Jul-15 23:29:35

It would depend on the type of book club I suppose and one organised by a library for example would be open to everyone I imagine

I was more think of a more informal book club with a group of good friends

ShelaghTurner Wed 15-Jul-15 03:26:04

Only example I can think of is an established group of 'fans' on Twitter were talking about booking tickets to see this person in a play and I would like to have gone with them. I'm not a new fan but not part of this group and only vaguely known to them. I hinted but no one bit and so I left it. I would hate to feel that I'd gatecrashed anything, it would ruin the event for me.

PLUtoPlanet Wed 15-Jul-15 07:22:15

I think it's rather rude to discuss outings/ activities, which not everyone else is welcome to go to, in full "view" of everyone else.

I get particularly pissed off seeing pictures of birthday parties DS hasn't been invited to, tagged and "hunned" all over.

IJustLostTheGame Wed 15-Jul-15 07:32:22

Do it.
You weren't going any way so if they say no ...
Just say 'I'd love to do that, please let me know if any space comes up or you need to make up numbers'

ThumbWitchesAbroad Wed 15-Jul-15 07:35:43

I think the only way is to say "That sounds like fun" and see if they ask you along. IF they do, great - if they don't, then all you've said is it sounds like fun, so it's not really a rejection or anything negative.

If you don't say anything at all then they definitely won't invite you, because how would they know that you'd like to go?

EmeraldThief Wed 15-Jul-15 07:50:37

But Shelagh if it's a public, ticketed event you'd have had just as much right to go as they did if you had tickets? Maybe you should have been a bit more foreward about it?

ShelaghTurner Wed 15-Jul-15 07:55:44

Oh I know I could have gone anyway. But it was a four hour round trip and DH would have had to stay home with kids as it was a work night so I didn't fancy going on my own. I was a bit of a wimp I admit blush

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