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To question her motives?

(15 Posts)
ToffeeSundae Tue 14-Jul-15 10:52:55

I've been seeing my bf for almost a year. I've posted before about what I consider to be slightly odd dynamics between him and his ex. They have dc together whom I've met. I've also met the ex for a couple of minutes, just to say 'hi' at her request before I was introduced to their dc, but that was all.

As I say, there have been a few incidents to date and then, out of the blue I received a friend request from his ex on Facebook and I just feel really odd about it. Bf and ex are not friends on FB but she is still friends with most of his wider family. I'm absolutely fine with this, no jealousy on my part.

AIBU to be suspicious of her motives? Why would she want for us to have access to one another's profile? I am quite selective about who I have on FB and feel very odd about the prospect of a near enough perfect stranger having access to lots of information about me, my past (nothing dodgy btw) and my DCs.

BUT, AI(also)BU to reject it? I feel like I've been put in an awkward position because it will probably come across as petty if I decline her request. I don't want anyone to harbour any ill feelings when there are DC involved. I think if I'd met her a few more times and I'd been together with bf longer or we were married, I'd feel a bit differently. But as it stands, I don't feel comfortable accepting her request. WWYD if anything?

Nabootique Tue 14-Jul-15 10:57:03

What does your DP think?

I have a similar things with friends of the ex. I just change the privacy settings for those people.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed Tue 14-Jul-15 10:57:34

She's probably being friendly and is curious about a person in her DC's life. Don't know the backstory that's just going by what's in this thread.

hoobygalooby Tue 14-Jul-15 11:00:29

Why not accept it but put her on the restricted friends list. So she will only see your profile pic and details but not your wall.
Or ignore it. If she asks say you don't really bother with Facebook.

haveabreakhaveakitkat Tue 14-Jul-15 11:00:43

Talk to dp about it first. She's probably just trying to grow her friend list, or is genuinely interested in knowing more about the woman her dc's spend time with

You could accept the request and put her on restricted.

ToffeeSundae Tue 14-Jul-15 11:14:32

I realise I probably didn't put enough info in my op but I didn't want it to be too long. I realise this is going to sound like drip feeding though!

There have been some things that have made me wonder if her behaviour goes beyond normal curiosity and verges on nosiness/preoccupation. I can understand her wanting to know me better but I'd say the usual route would be to ask to get together with someone to meet.

She once demanded to come to my house, she said so she could get there if there was ever an emergency but was not satisfied with an address. I'd only been with bf a few months at this point and as we don't live together, I felt it was an invasion of privacy and an attempt to 'check me out'. I know she's looked up my profile a few times because she's made comments based on my profile photos/cover photos. Oh, and there was the time she threatened to tell me she was sleeping with my bf behind my back!

BF has agreed it is weird. They have each other blocked on FB so it feels doubly weird. He also suggested I put her on the restricted list, but I don't use this and don't really want to (I'd forget to make my statuses private). I'd also worry that it will give her more reason to think I've something to hide.

He did message her and ask why she'd done it and she used the 'in case of emergency' reason again but it just doesn't sound right to me. For a start, if bf stays over with DC, he is always there and I would be able to contact BF's parents in an emergency. Besides, she could just ask for my phone number which I'd gladly let her have, but that's not what she wants.

I guess I'm just confused and uncomfortable with it because I have absolutely no desire to get to know my ex's new partner(s). I feel like I have to trust his judgement (even if I don't agree with it).

MoiraBrown101 Tue 14-Jul-15 11:16:11

If you accept her then you can limit what she sees of your profile, while not offending her or potentially causing friction.

WhoNickedMyName Tue 14-Jul-15 11:19:14

I would follow your BF's lead, block her on Facebook and don't give it another thought - because you are overthinking this - it doesn't matter what her motives are, you feel odd and uncomfortable with it, and that's all that matters. So block her.

hoobygalooby Tue 14-Jul-15 11:38:11

Yes, having read your second thread I think you should block her too !
Facebook has a lot to answer for!!!

willconcern Tue 14-Jul-15 11:54:52

Personally I would just decline the request. And then forget about it. If she asks, say you don't think it's appropriate.

19lottie82 Tue 14-Jul-15 11:57:39

You don't need to decline it. Just ignore it!

Sandbrook Tue 14-Jul-15 12:41:19

Totally agree with whonickedmyname.

And if both ex and bf have blocked each other, you do the same and forget about what makes her comfortable. You don't want to so don't.

LazyLouLou Tue 14-Jul-15 12:44:27

Just decline the request. If she wants to have a rant that you are BVVVU most people would realise she is a tad loopy.

If she and bf are mutually blocked then she is overstepping their boundaries. Decline and move on.

ToffeeSundae Tue 14-Jul-15 20:48:24

Thanks for the replies everyone. I realise I am probably over thinking (I have a tendency to do this anyway) but I think it's in part because I don't want to give her any reason to dislike or mistrust me because I am in contact with their dc, albeit only when BF is also there. I'm now in the position of having to decline the request with the potential for her to be annoyed or think I have something to hide. I just wish she hadn't done it. Am I the only one to think it's a strange thing to do?

CrapBag Tue 14-Jul-15 20:54:04

She is going to keep tabs on you or her ex or both for whatever reason. The emergency thing is bollocks, no one uses FB in an emergency.

Ignore her. Given she already been looking you up I'd block her. If she asks tell her you deleted your profile.

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