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AIBU?

ruining my own wedding

45 replies

Fluffybear86 · 14/07/2015 09:27

Hello everyone im so anxious about my wedding its ruining my life.im terrifed im going to be too white on the day and my hairy arms are going to be obvious. Im losing sleep and actually want to call wedding off becuase i dont want to look ugly

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MarchLikeAnAnt · 14/07/2015 09:31

Hair removal cream?

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19lottie82 · 14/07/2015 09:31

firstly, you're just being paranoid, you won't look ugly! but if it will make you feel better, call a beauty salon get a spray tan and your arms waxed?

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Fluffybear86 · 14/07/2015 09:32

I think hairless arms look just as odd hahaha i just have to accpet im going to be an ugly bride

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Fluffybear86 · 14/07/2015 09:32

Also i find spray tans really hit and miss so i dont want to be patchy im a bit trapped in ugliness i suppose

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MarchLikeAnAnt · 14/07/2015 09:33

If you think hairless arms are odd then what are you worried about? You could wear a bolero if you don't want them defuzzed

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midnightvelvetPart2 · 14/07/2015 09:35

Can you cover them with a wrap, chiffon or fur depending on season?

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19lottie82 · 14/07/2015 09:35

bleach the hair then? and go for a few sunbeds?

you're not giving us much to work with here OP......

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Fluffybear86 · 14/07/2015 09:36

Sorry im really stuggling

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MarchLikeAnAnt · 14/07/2015 09:37

What about a gradual tan moisturiser?

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Bunbaker · 14/07/2015 09:38

"and go for a few sunbeds?"

No, no, no.

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WorraLiberty · 14/07/2015 09:39

I think you need to take a deep breath and think about it.

Is the wedding more important to you than being married?

Your friends and family know what you look like, so I'm quite sure they wont be expecting you to look completely different on the day.

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Ashwinder · 14/07/2015 09:40

Are you alright OP? You sound very anxious over something quite trivial.

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PurpleSwift · 14/07/2015 09:40

What do you mean by "too white"? I assume you are white...? I don't see the issue
I think you need help for your self esteem issues

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19lottie82 · 14/07/2015 09:40

bunbaker...... as long as the OP isn't very fair skinned. a few short sunbeds isn't going to do any harm for a special occasion.

I was advised by my GP, that often, as long as they are used sensibly (i.e. for short periods of time and not too frequently) , they are fine.

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Purplepoodle · 14/07/2015 09:41

White = classic beauty. Go have some make up done and find something you are happy with. Find a dress that covers what you want.

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MarchLikeAnAnt · 14/07/2015 09:41

You could even get sleeves added to your dress

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MarchLikeAnAnt · 14/07/2015 09:43

If your very pale then English rose style make up and lace sleeves will look lovely on you.

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zgaze · 14/07/2015 09:43

Speaking as a very hairy armed pale skinned person - bleach them with jolen (might take a couple of goes to get all the colour out) and invest in some St tropez in shower tanner as recommended elsewhere on here - honestly miraculous!

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KittyandTeal · 14/07/2015 09:43

I felt exactly the same when I got married. I worried about every little thing.

My therapist said to me 'I want you to think of all the weddings you've ever been to; now tell me how many of them you say and thought 'goodness that bride is ugly''. The answer was none, because no one ever goes to a wedding and says 'the bride was a real pig'

I'm not sure if that will help you but it definitely helped me, it almost became my mantra.

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molyholy · 14/07/2015 09:44

If you are paranoid about your arm hair and don't want to defuzz, bleach the hair as a PP has suggested.

I know you have said spray tans are hit and miss, but if you get recommendations off friends etc., that would give you some reassurance. Surely in a wedding dress there is not that much flesh showing, so just go for the lightest tan.

All brides are beautiful and I bet your future partner will think you are stunning.

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ghostyslovesheep · 14/07/2015 09:45

I have gibbon like arms - no one cared a jot

if it bothered you that much you would have got a dress with sleeves surely?

it's just wedding jitters - have a nice warm bath and a bottle glass of wine

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threenotfour · 14/07/2015 09:46

You are not going to be an ugly bride. No one is looking at a bride's arms. They are generally looking at their face and their smile. It's a happy day and you geniunely look at the bride and groom's face a lot and then look down and up the bride's dress back to their face. Smile and relax. It will be fine.

Buy a lovely lightweight jacket or shrug or just some lovely flowing fabric to put loosely around your shoulders and then across your arms. That way you will feel comfortable and relax and enjoy your day more.

Regarding photos even if you are hairy then that won't show in most photos and explain your concern to your photographer so that the close ups can be of your face, you and your partners face and angled to make your comfortable.

Hope you do enjoy your special day.

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Poofus · 14/07/2015 09:47

I don't think the sleeves, the dress or the arms are the problem here. You are obviously very anxious and stressed. Planning a wedding is very stressful! You need to find a way to relax more. Can you take a few days off thinking about it? When is the wedding?

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littlesupersparks · 14/07/2015 09:48

Definitely wedding jitters xxxxxx go ahead and worry about these things because if it wasn't this it would be the flowers are the wrong shade or what if something goes wrong with the wedding breakfast or what if I've missed someone off the seating plan x

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Pincushion20 · 14/07/2015 09:50

Fluffy, I think you need to focus on the anxiety rather than the looks. Can you spend a little bit of time each week going to something like yoga to learn to control your breathing.

Also mindfulness, which involves you acknowledging the feeling and then moving on from it. If you can't afford an actual course, there are some great books on this out there, including this one which was recommended to me when my anxiety started to grow:

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B004TTHD9O?keywords=mindful&qid=1436863617&ref_=sr_1_1&sr=8-1&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

There are other simple things that you can do to. Can you try reducing the amount of caffeine you have per day. A couple of switches to camomile or peppermint can help.

If you can, take the time to go out for a short walk, maybe ten minutes around the block, taking time to focus on the smells you can smell, and small things like the texture of bricks in the walls, or the shine on cars - small things that will bring you back to the present when these thoughts start to get away from you.

Good luck with it. Remember, wedding jitters are usual and common, even for the most robustly mentally aware. Don't beat yourself up about them, don't attack yourself for 'ruining your wedding', just quietly accept that what is happening to you is normal and that there are ways of reducing some of the symptoms.