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or is 4 a much more difficult age than 2?

(74 Posts)
Beeswax2017 Mon 13-Jul-15 09:23:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OstentatiousBreastfeeder Mon 13-Jul-15 09:28:09

Oh yanbu. You could be describing my just-turned-5yo.

He was the most placid, sweet, well-behaved toddler after having outgrown colic and severe separation anxiety as a baby. He's a cheeky little so-and-so since starting school grin

He makes me laugh every day, and he's still well behaved and mostly polite, but compared to his toddler years he's exhausting.

I think all parents who have eerily well-behaved toddlers find this.

OstentatiousBreastfeeder Mon 13-Jul-15 09:29:53

Oh and be prepared for any siblings you may give him to be the polar opposite. DD is a fiery demon. I watch her having a tantrum and just have no idea what to do!

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake Mon 13-Jul-15 09:32:59

Yanbu. My 4 year old is definitely the hardest work out of all of my dcs, worse than the 2 year old being tested for autism.

BearFeet Mon 13-Jul-15 09:39:09

Twos were easy. I'm sorry to say but in my experience the fucking fours, as I like to call them were awful. It's only just turned a corner now at 8 shock

MiaowTheCat Mon 13-Jul-15 09:59:27

With very verbal DD1 the twos were easy - I thought I must have gotten it sussed this parenting lark. She was hospitalised at Christmas and lay there absolutely beautifully mannered saying thank you to all the staff for giving her medicine and reading the numbers off all the monitors for them... boy did I feel slightly smug!

Three - fucking terrible - backchat, arguing and debating EVERYTHING (she would argue for 3 hours that the sky isn't blue given half the chance), boundary testing, and bloody hell she never shuts up! I emailed her preschool to say she was sick and had lost her voice the other week so wouldn't be in - they replied telling me to enjoy the peace!

DD2 is being crap at age 2 as she's got much less language so gets frustrated a lot more. One of their cousins - very placid amenable toddler and little girl and is now making up for it age 5!

I think you just get a couple of really really shit ages no matter what and they just vary when it kicks in.

NickiFury Mon 13-Jul-15 10:04:18

Age four with dd was absolutely horrendous. I posted about it at the time. I rarely post about my children's behaviour but I was absolutely desperate. I stopped doing any kind of shopping that couldn't be ordered on line because taking her was like parachuting into war zone. I remember coming back from somewhere crying because she'd been so awful and was kicking my car seat and screaming her head off in the back. It passed and she's absolutely lovely now smile

WankerDeAsalWipe Mon 13-Jul-15 11:07:45

Three - fucking terrible - backchat, arguing and debating EVERYTHING (she would argue for 3 hours that the sky isn't blue given half the chance), boundary testing, and bloody hell she never shuts up!

^^This with DS2 - although to be fair it started earlier when he was born and at almost 14 he is still the same - sorry sad

He'd argue the sea was dry. He decided age 2 that he was going to be a judge when he grows up as DH told him that judges make the rules. He's been talking since 7 months, in short sentences just after a year. Very bright but totally lazy - can't be bothered to work if he gets better scores than other people anyway by doing nothing and been told by every teacher that he is underperforming - Nothing sinks in though. If you gave him the moon on a stick, he'd cry for the stars.

That probably all sounds harsh - I love him (and his brother) to bits and he can be quite compassionate and he is well behaved overall but he infuriates the hell out of me...... a lot. DS1 is borderline aspergers and behaves too well but that is a worry too...

NickiFury Mon 13-Jul-15 11:11:50

grin "Fucking Fours".

GrumpyRedhead Mon 13-Jul-15 11:32:47

Fucking fours in our house as well! With DC 1 and 2 it took until about 5.5 to pass. Most people dread terrible 2s but I love that age. They're learning so much, every day brings something new.

Teabagbeforemilk Mon 13-Jul-15 11:38:17

Ds was awful at 2. He couldn't talk which caused endless meltdowns lasting around the 2 hour mark.

At 4, he is an handful. Always on the go, always chattering always wanting someone to do something for him (not with him) . But when he strops it's over much quicker. 2-3 mins tops.

He also responds to being told off better. No screaming and always apologises.

I can't say either was easier or harder. Just different.

seaoflove Mon 13-Jul-15 11:39:18

Oh god. Two was tantrummy hell. Three is contrary argumentative hell. If four is even worse, I'm screwed.

BertieBotts Mon 13-Jul-15 11:56:03

Four was horrible. Five was equally horrible (but we moved country when he had just turned five so I think we just extended the fours by accident) - we had furniture throwing, screaming like the exorcist, pinching, biting, kicking, total all-body desperate fighting to the death over nothing. confused

It was really really exhausting sad And yes those were the bad days, but even on "good" days, everything was a drag, he seemed to have two states - either whining profusely about everything, refusing to do even the simplest task because his "legs were broken" or something equally unlikely, or being in this tightly coiled, hyper, wound up state where he would literally bounce off the walls, talk in utter nonsense and be completely unreachable. I used to get really upset because I just didn't enjoy his company at all and I felt like an awful failure as a mother. And I couldn't keep him safe, he would run into roads and all sorts when he was like that. I used to have to drag him along the street while people stared at me as though I was abducting him!

Two was lovely shock grin He is six now and six has been much better, he has his moments but he has lovely ones as well now. He still doesn't stop talking, though. He's heading for seven and also appears to be heading towards human again <fingers crossed>.

(I think DS was unusual. Just so as not to scare all of the parents of two year olds who are fearfully clicking on this thread. Anyone?)

RatOnnaStick Mon 13-Jul-15 12:04:25

DS1 was the most angelic, placid, easy-going, well-behaved 2yr old imaginable. Now at nearly 5 he is a little sod sometimes and can be very naughty. His nursery teacher said boys have a huge testosterone surge around this time which would explain it. I bloody hope he settles down over the next year at school.

DS2, in contrast, is a ratbag right now at 2.7. We are in the thick of terrible twos - tantrums at the slightest thing, screaming, tears, melodrama for no reason - you name it, we've had it since 18 months I sincerely hope that he's getting it out of his system now and he is the best behaved 4yr old in existence.

Oh god. I have Terrible Twos and Fucking Fours together sad Someone save me...

furrylittlecreatures Mon 13-Jul-15 12:07:14

Read the teenage thread! Believe me that will make you love the years you are in now!!

BertieBotts Mon 13-Jul-15 12:13:15

The testosterone surge was made up by Oliver James. It doesn't exist.

I like teenagers, I'm (perhaps naively) looking forward to that bit. The thing I found most frustrating at four was stuff like not being able to make him eat or sleep or wash or leave the house. With teenagers, it's no skin off my nose if they don't do those things!

WankerDeAsalWipe Mon 13-Jul-15 12:52:55

I could still make mine do all those things up until recently Bertie (15 and almost 14) - I can still make them shower etc. But then I've always been really strict - I don't really know how you can't make a four year old do it though and one of mine was pretty strong willed. I know you can't force feed them but we never allowed them to substitute meals with crap and I know you can't make them sleep, but you can make them be in bed with the lights out. As for leaving the house - easy enough at 4 because you can pick them up and carry them, a bit harder when they are bigger than you smile They still know by my tone of voice when they have pushed it too far. Reading that back, maybe I was and am too strict.

BertieBotts Mon 13-Jul-15 12:56:36

Nah, I think I was too soft grin But I basically couldn't get him to eat at normal times and then he'd be hungry later, I couldn't get him to keep two shoes on at once and you can't shove them out in the snow in December when you don't have a car (and had got rid of buggy), couldn't get him to stay in bed, just general crap like that and I felt horrible about it.

I have never mastered the strict voice thing. I'm either unbothered or wailing banshee, apparently.

Oh well, he does them all now so we got there in the end.

WankerDeAsalWipe Mon 13-Jul-15 13:07:02

Ha ha - that's the main thing smile

I don't think mine realised that for a lot of things there was a choice as it was just presented as a fait accompli - I think they just thought that everyone just did what they were expected to - it was all about routine I suppose. smile

I do remember DS2 being about 9 or 10 and about to kick off because he had fewer slices of pizza than usual - I just took it from him, made smaller slices and handed it back and he was perfectly happy - he was clearly bright enough to know that there was the same amount of pizza but was strangely fine now that there were the correct number - very odd grin

goldenhen Mon 13-Jul-15 13:15:54

haha WankerDeAsalWipe, there's a great story about the footballer Jason McAteer being asked in a restaurant if he wanted his pizza slicing into 6 or 8 and he went "oh 6 slices please, I couldn't eat 8!" unfortunately he was about 25 at the time so your DS definitely has a better grasp of things smile

Discopanda Mon 13-Jul-15 13:19:56

DS1 is 3 and we sometimes have days when she'll be an absolute poo when trying to get her dressed, clean and out the house then as soon as we're, say, in a shop, she'll be the sweetest, most polite little angel ever, then we get home and she'll go back to demon mode.

grannytomine Mon 13-Jul-15 13:28:46

Well I don't care if the testosterone surge is made up, mine did a damn good impression of it being real. I would not want them to be 13 or 14 again for the world. My DD is a teacher and she says year 9s are a nightmare so I think 13 and 14 year olds are the worst in this familys experience.

gutzgutz Mon 13-Jul-15 13:29:20

I just wish my 4-almost-5 year old would pause for breath at times! Incessant chatter about nonsense, ninjago (Lego), school etc. at times I think what a great imagination and at other times I think, just be quiet!

Oh and the backchat since school started, not good! He was also a "good" baby and fairly reasonable toddler. I'm waiting for DS2 to become an angelic pre-schooler as he was/is none of those things! grin

MiaowTheCat Mon 13-Jul-15 13:29:43

He'd argue the sea was dry. He decided age 2 that he was going to be a judge when he grows up as DH told him that judges make the rules.

Sounds exactly like DD1. When Frozen first came out we had a conversation where she asked why Elsa got to be queen and not Anna. I explained that Elsa was the big sister and the oldest one got to be queen. Next day we went to the children's centre and she was rocking a plastic tiara and tutu in the manner of the average 2 year old given a choice in the matter and got greeted with a chirpy "oooh are you a pretty princess today". She shot them a withering look that could curdle milk and put them straight in their place that "no, I kween DD1"

whatsagoodusername Mon 13-Jul-15 13:31:28

"Fucking fours" is brilliant grin

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