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to not mention a gift list etc on wedding invites?

(21 Posts)
JemIsMyNameNooneElseIsTheSame Sun 12-Jul-15 20:41:50

Friends and family seem aghast that I'm not planning to make any reference to a gift list, honeymoon fund, website where you can 'buy' stuff/put money towards honeymoon etc on my wedding invites. I know I'm passing up my hopefully one and only opportunity to write a shit poem with our preferences, but my many years on mumsnet have taught me that this is a massive minefield. AIBU to just not mention it or am I making it more tricky for my guests?

Nospringflower Sun 12-Jul-15 20:45:51

I am one of the people who is more than happy with a guest list as it makes it easy to buy something you know the person will like but I do think it is classy not to so yes, I would just send the invites with no lovely poem!

19lottie82 Sun 12-Jul-15 20:47:47

I got married last year and didn't bother with a gift list / tacky poem. 90% of people have is cash, 5% asked what we would like and we said a John Lewis voucher would be lovely (didn't feel comfortable asking for cold hard cash!) and 5% gave us presents, which were all lovely.

EatDessertFirst Sun 12-Jul-15 20:48:17

We aren't mentioning gifts on our invites for exactly the same reasons. MN is scary about weddings has made me look at all aspects of our wedding and we've got rid of a lot of the 'stuff' and focussed elsewhere.
In all fairness, most people coming give cash instead of presents at weddings through choice.

19lottie82 Sun 12-Jul-15 20:48:20

"Gave us cash" that should have said!

PigPlopper Sun 12-Jul-15 20:50:44

I think a wedding list is perfectly fine from a shop like John Lewis etc.
I don't think donating money to honeymoon is fine!
I think giving cash/cheque is fine - as long as it's not requested.
Surely people want/expect to buy gifts for a wedding? You could have a list at a chosen store and suggest your friends surprise you if they prefer! The surprise could be great or a disaster. One of my best wedding presents was a 'surprise' (my actual list was at M&S Home). Someone got us 2 themed funny hot-water bottles. They are with us to this day. I remember who they were from. I have no idea otherwise who gave me what.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne Sun 12-Jul-15 20:50:57

We didn't bother.
I then I had to sort one out and send the info out to further cost as about 90% of people asked us for the info.
Stop you getting utter tatt too. Actually doesn't stop it, just keeps the amount down.

PtolemysNeedle Sun 12-Jul-15 20:52:02

Personally, I like gift lists. I like seeing what people have chosen, and knowing that I can choose something to contribute to the marital home that the couple will like. It's easy, convenient, and means you don't have to take a gift along in the day. Gift lists are fab as long as you choose easily affordable things and don't ask for things like handbags and shoes.

honeyroar Sun 12-Jul-15 20:53:14

I know it's awkward, and people will moan whatever you decide, but I think you just have to decide what you want, politely put it with/on the invite and grit your teeth! Otherwise people will either ring up and ask or buy you what they like and you may not like it. It's easier as a guest to have an idea what you want. Just don't ask for money (had an invite once with details of bank accounts so I could transfer them money!).

CakeNinja Sun 12-Jul-15 20:54:19

I prefer a list, and particularly a cash/voucher request! Minimal effort grin
Save me the hassle of figuring out what to get as i would never go to a wedding empty handed.
However if I ever get married, I won't have any kind of list as I'd find it too embarrassing asking for things I can pay for myself. And from threads on here, some people get quite angry about being given a list in with the invites.
Anyway, do your own thing but maybe refrain from telling people your plans in advance.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sun 12-Jul-15 20:55:50

Much prefer a list.

ThursdayLast Sun 12-Jul-15 21:01:01

of course YANBU.
If they want to give you a gift, they will ask what you want smile

NinkyNonky Sun 12-Jul-15 21:08:58

We didn't put anything in the invitations but did have a john Lewis gift list for those who asked (they gave us loads of little cards with the list number in but I just emailed or gave it over the phone so no need for extra postage cost).

JemIsMyNameNooneElseIsTheSame Sun 12-Jul-15 21:11:43

The problem with stuff list though is that surely I need to pick lots of things that are, say, £30 or less to give everyone a low cost option. We've got around 30 'sets' of guests coming p: how many options so you have to go for? Plus I fear it then suggests I'm expecting gifts and I'm not! Arggh!

JemIsMyNameNooneElseIsTheSame Sun 12-Jul-15 21:12:52

Gah! That was incomprehensible, sorry!

Babayaggatheboneylegged Sun 12-Jul-15 21:13:18

Me and my mum (who kindly paid for my wedding so did a lot of the organisation) a major disagreement about this. Her take was that she likes to be told what to buy cos she can't be arsed faffing about trying to think of what to get.

My take was that I didn't want to seem grabby or presumptuous, esp as lots of guests were travelling a long way to attend. I didn't have the 'modern couple' problem of already having a fully furnished flat as we'd been renting for years and didn't have any of our own crockery/furniture/knives so l'd've been grateful for anything we got!

In the end we got mostly cash/gift vouchers for debenhams & john lewis, and some actual presents like plant pots and fruit bowels and bedding. Everyone was really generous and we didn't get a single toaster. There really is nothing to fear from letting your guests have free reign.

Perversely, I quite like a JL gift list cos they make life as a wedding guest so easy!

Babayaggatheboneylegged Sun 12-Jul-15 21:14:55

*fruit BOWLS!!

JadeJaderson Sun 12-Jul-15 21:21:33

I hate gift lists and especially hate poems asking for money. It's become the norm for many and people get around it by saying 'but they'll give something anyway, you just as well get something you want'.

Imagine throwing a birthday party, for you or oh or child...and imagine sending out a list of stuff you want guests of the party to buy you.

A birthday invite isn't really different to a wedding...still a celebration etc. But no one would do it for a birthday. Why? Because it's cringey, grabby and just fucking rude.

We've all just become numb to the rudeness when it's a wedding.

RedCrayons Sun 12-Jul-15 21:28:09

If much rather have a gift list, I'm lazy. I don't know what you want.
I want to go online and buy you the fruit bowl of your dreams whilst I've got 10 mins spare at work.

MsVestibule Sun 12-Jul-15 21:30:59

I think it's quite rude to include a gift list with the invites, for reasons others ^^ have explained. If I wanted guidance, I would ask if they had a list, otherwise I'd just give money or vouchers.

We didn't mention gifts for our wedding and people mainly gave us money or vouchers, with the odd lovely gift. So we didn't seem grabby but got what we wanted anyway. Result!

arethereanyleftatall Sun 12-Jul-15 21:33:22

I will always take a gift to a wedding, always. I think it's rude not to. Id prefer this gift to be something the couple would like. Therefore it makes sense to me to have a gift list.
I'd never encountered the opinion that this is grabby before I came on mn.
And, regarding the £30 option question, the last list I saw, you could part-pay for stuff, so something for all budgets.

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