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AIBU?

To be put off internet dating because of one freak?

46 replies

WaynettaStock · 12/07/2015 20:41

Sorry had to name change as I have a friend on here who knows my usename.
Basically been seeing someone for a few weeks. First few dates were fine, no issues. Then on one date he literally just froze half way through saying something, froze his arm in mid air and everything and just stood like that for about two minutes before all of a sudden 'unfreezing' and carrying on like nothing had happened. Isolated incident on that date but I did freak me out, when i questioned him on it he made out that he had no idea what I was talking about. A few dates later, everything had been going fine and then on one date we bought some muffins and without warning he slammed his into his forehead. We were actually sat in Costa at the time. People were staring, I was mortified. Agsin he acted like nothing had happened yet he continued walking around town with mess all over his head. I told him we were not working out and I wished him well. He said he was upset, didn't know why I'd suddenly gone off him and wished there was a second chance. I gave him a second chance telling him any daft behaviour and it would be over. Went well for a few dates and then one night we were at his house, he said he was going to toilet but I saw him walk into the airing cupboard and shut the door. He stayed in there for ages so I gave him 20 mins then decided to leave. As I was leaving I opened the cupboard door to tell him and he was just stood there in the dark!!
I'm now frightened to meet anyone else and keep wondering if I've had a narrow escape from actually been hurt in some way, am I over reacting?? It's freaked me out so much. Only been 3 weeks since I last saw him but I feel so on edge and paranoid I don't really know what to think.

OP posts:

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InTheBox · 12/07/2015 20:49

Good grief! How odd! And he genuinely doesn't know he's doing it? i.e. he denies it or tells you that you misunderstood?

Anyway, don't be put off. Online dating is a mine-field. Perhaps keep meetings with your next interest in public for a while longer and let someone know where you are at all times.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 12/07/2015 20:49

The first couple of examples made me wonder if he has Tourettes. Not sure what to make of the last one.

InTheBox · 12/07/2015 20:50

As an aside, if you have a look at some of the oddballs mentioned on the Relationships board online dating disasters thread yours probably sounds pretty tame.

SaucyJack · 12/07/2015 20:55

I think it's fair to say that he's experiencing health difficulties and perfectly reasonable for you to decide he's not for you, but YABU to get carried away with it. Nothing has happened to you.

QuestioningStuff · 12/07/2015 20:59

That would really creep me out.

I tried it once. I exchanged messages with one guy and over time it became apparent that he was looking for someone to have sex with his dog while he watched. I deleted my account.

That being said, there are plenty of normal men online and plenty of weirdos in real life.

RebootYourEngine · 12/07/2015 21:10

I actually know someone who does the first example. They just freeze as if time has stood still. Then they will carry on as normal as if nothing has happened. It is actually a medical condition. The other examples are a bit off. If you dont like him move on to the next person.

acatcalledjohn · 12/07/2015 21:19

Sounds almost like a form of epilepsy, or a severe form of OCD he's trying to hide.

I wouldn't worry about it and just move on. You'll always meet some weirdos, and that really isn't limited to online dating.

TruJay · 12/07/2015 21:28

With the first case I thought epilepsy too (my sister has it) maybe even the second case but the airing cupboard is just bizarre and I can imagine quite frightening and unnerving.
I don't think I'd see him again after that last date. I wouldn't let that put you off dating though.

acatcalledjohn · 12/07/2015 21:34

That's true. I was just trying to ignore the rather airing cupboard situation.

Misslgl88 · 12/07/2015 22:37

I had a short term relationship with someone who had epilepsy but didn't have fits, he'd just suddenly change, wouldn't speak, would wander around aimlessly and spoke to Me as if he didn't know me.

The breaking point for me was during one of these episodes he went to hit me and ripped my clothes I realised then I couldnt handle it. He would also come out of it and not remember a thing.

This sounds very similar to that

Misslgl88 · 12/07/2015 22:39

Oh and re the airing cupboard thing I wouldnt say that was unusual, the man I was with during an episode went in my hall cupboard for ages it was actually very scary as I didn't know how he was going to act

Missdee2014 · 12/07/2015 22:45

Sorry but this made me and my oh laugh out loud! Sorry, not helpful but did amuse us

MissPhonic · 12/07/2015 22:46

Poor guy. Could be epilepsy, that would explain him denying anything happened. He doesn't know.

Did he snap back to normal instantly after the muffin incident?

RachelRagged · 12/07/2015 22:54

Missdee

Sorry shouldn't laugh but . Was thinking of online dating, don't think I'll bother now.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 12/07/2015 23:00

I feel sorry for this guy. It seems pretty mean to laugh and call him a freak if he does have epilepsy.

RachelRagged · 12/07/2015 23:04

That is true enough NoArmani .. However I would have thought that after the OP informed him of his actions that he does not recall, that he would have found that a good time to mention he had epilepsy.

EatShitDerek · 12/07/2015 23:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mistlewoeandwhine · 12/07/2015 23:07

Sound exactly like absence seizures to me.

Mistlewoeandwhine · 12/07/2015 23:10

Is it possible that he himself is unaware that he has epilepsy? Btw my son has epilepsy so I am a bit sensitive about the psycho/freak talk.

lottiegarbanzo · 12/07/2015 23:11

I'd be tempted to message him, outlining the incidents and stress that he should see a doctor (assuming he doesn't know about whatever condition he has, rather than just not about the specific instances).

Pity you weren't able to film them, to show him, really.

But move on. Some men are odd or unusual, some are nice.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 12/07/2015 23:12

Perhaps he's holding out for someone with some kindness and empathy before telling them. He clearly didn't find it in the OP.

DadfromUncle · 12/07/2015 23:14

YANBU as long as IANBU for being fed up that Internet Dating is populated entirely by Cat fanatics (the women obvs).

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ElkTheory · 12/07/2015 23:18

It does sound as though he could have epilepsy. Poor guy. But how utterly charming to dismiss him as a "freak." FGS.

itsmeitscathy · 12/07/2015 23:23

poor guy, I think you're being a little harsh. he might not be for you, he may be a little odd, but it sounds like there's a medical reason there.

Nettletheelf · 12/07/2015 23:35

He is a little odd, I think. If you're not mad keen on him, I recommend that you move on. Be kind to him. Don't be put off internet dating. One must kiss many frogs, etc.

I met many 'unusual' men when I did it, but also many nice men. Stick with it!

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