To think this massively crosses a line?

[frackers]

Ok, so I have issues with the person involved in this so I need to get some opinions on whether I am overreacting because it is her or whether I have a genuine reason to feel pissed off.

Dh and I have two young kids (4 & 1) so hardly ever go out. We had an evening invite for a wedding last night and sil (dh's sister) very kindly agreed to look after the kids at our house for us so we could go. I should point out that all my side of the family were going as well so couldn't babysit.

Came home about 1am to find that sil has deep cleaned the majority of the house. I felt a little bit weird about this but it's what she said afterwards that has left me fuming. She said " I cleaned the bathroom for you. God it was disgusting, God knows when it was cleaned last." I was gobsmacked and didn't know how to react so kept my mouth shut.

Now, I need to say that, no, my house is not kept to showroom standards like sil keeps hers. I have two young kids and am naturally quite messy. I just don't feel the need to keep it to such high standards. However it is not a pig sty by any means, it is just kept to regular standards and is in the same sort of state as everyone else's house I know. Apart from sil obviously. And the bathroom is clean and tidy, I cleaned it yesterday ffs.

She then went on to say that she worked up such a sweat that she went searching through my stuff to find my deodorant! Wtf, she actually went into my bedroom and rummaged through my things! Please tell me I'm not going insane and this really is a massive invasion of privacy!

I've not said anything to dh yet, as I wanted to get a feel from the mn jury first. I am very grateful she agreed to babysit, but the more I think about it the more I can feel my blood boiling.

So aibu?

[pinkstrawberries]

This sounds great. Can you send her round mine? Preferably today

[sooperdooper]

No Yabu! Rude to comment about the bathroom and go rummaging, I'd be livid

[stayathomegardener]

No YANBU.

[ditavonteesed]

boundary problems, but can yu see it as a positive, you got a night out and a cleaned house in one go, win win. You can choose how you react to this and it could make your weekend better not worse. What she said was however rude.

[TheCowThatLaughs]

It's really really rude. I really want it to happen to me too though. I can't remember the last time I cleaned my bathroom

[VashtaNerada]

YANBU. Totally weird of her.

[Glitoris]

Thank her for the babysitting with a sweet smile.

And then vow to yourself to never ,ever ever leave her alone in your house again.Judgey cow.I'd be offended too.

[frackers]

Dita and pink part of me knows you are right, I think if there was no comment and no rummaging and would still feel like a boundary had been crossed but also grateful ifyswim.

This is why I want to get objective opinions from people who don't have the previous issues with her that I do.

[fairyfuckwings]

Well on the one hand she's incredibly rude and I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like that. But then on the other hand I really don't like cleaning so ut would be a massive bonus to have a babysitter who also deep cleaned the house. If it were me I'd probably ask her to babysit regularly but bitch about her behind her back. But then I'm a massive twat. ...

[80sMum]

I have to admit to having done the same sort of thing when visiting DD. But would never make any comments about it being 'disgusting' (even if it was!)
It was rude of your sil to make the comments - and rummaging for deodorant was unnecessary and intrusive. But at least you now have a super-clean bathroom!

[wheresthelight]

The cleaning wouldn't bug me or the rummaging for deodorant tbh but there was no need for her vile comment.

[JulyKit]

YANBU.

What she did was really rude and invasive - and considering what she said, it can't really have been meant simply as an act of kindness or helpfulness.

OTT hygiene zealotry is a really effective way of bullying women, IMHO. (I know a couple of people who do this...) It's a great way of making you feel that however happy and successful you are, it's all worth nothing really, because you can't even keep your home clean to a so called 'decent' (i.e. absurd, paranoid, chemical-induced, mortuary-like) standard.

Completely out of order of her.

[ItsNotAsPerfectAsItSeems]

I clearly live in a parallel universe. I've never had a weird request or outlandish demand from a wedding. And whenever we've had a sitter, which is extremely rare, they've always just sat and ate crisps and watched telly!

[Soundofsettling]

She was very rude, interfering and judgemental.

However you gained a night off, cared for kids and a deep cleaned bathroom.

I wouldn't take it as a slight on your or your dh's standards - to me it speaks volumes about your sil!

[CarlaJones]

Very rude. If say the loo had been dirty and covered in poo stains like you see on ocd cleaners, then I could understand her having a clean,,but as you'd cleaned the bathroom before she came then that obviously wasn't the case and she shouldn't have said anything.

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

She's weird. She did something that on the face of it that was kind but ruined it by pointing it out and being a bitch.

[LilyMayViolet]

What a rude woman. I would feel the same op.

[TiredButFine]

Yup it was out of order for her to comment and to rummage for deodorant!
I have cleaned and tidied when babysitting though, my friends give me a tenner and the kids are asleep so I figure they should get some value for money.

[frackers]

Itsnot, I normally live in your universe as well, however sil definitely doesn't which is exactly why we keep butting heads.

Thank you all for your comments so far, they have reminded why I love mn so much, wise and hilarious.

[chickenfuckingpox]

the comment was rude and nasty there was no need for that

i cleaned my sister's floor once i was waiting for her washing machine and cleaned up some spilt water which made a clean spot and i kind of got bored and did the whole floor i was embarrassed by myself and apologised for doing it because she has some funny ideas about cleaning she went ballistic apparently floors should only be mopped twice a year and i threw off her schedule (she has two cats and litter trays shall i stop there?)

she can babysit at her own home next time

[RachelRagged]

OP YANBU

The sheer cheek of what she said ! You seem of a gentler disposition to Me as I would have said something back to her ,, Looking for deodrant , would not bother me half as much as her words. .

[Twowrongsdontmakearight]

I wouldn't be happy about the rummaging - God knows what she might find in our house. But the cleaning? My mum used to do it every time she babysat. Her standards are much higher than mine and she finds most TV boring. Gave her something she actually enjoys to do! I'd just be happy to have a clean barhroom!

[SweetCharityBeginsAtHome]

There was absolutely no need for her to say that. How difficult would it have been to say "I was a bit bored so I blitzed your bathroom - I know how difficult it must be for you to find time with the anklesnappers "helping" and I'm a bit of a clean freak. Hope that's OK."?

And if she was thinking inwardly "dear god how can she possibly live in such a disgusting sty" then she can't help her thoughts but she could have kept it to herself.

OTOH she's your SIL so you're kind of stuck with her, and you do have a sparkly clean bathroom.

[sonjadog]

I think YANBU about thinking she crossed a line, but I wouldn't bother saying anything about it. Maybe rethink your babysitting arrangements in future if you don't want it happening again?

Apart from that, I'd probably feel a bit sorry for your SiL. It can't be much fun going through life having to keep everything around you at showroom standard. It must take up a lot of time that could be used to do more interesting things.

[Nospringflower]

I wouldn't be happy about the rummaging but otherwise I think no matter what her motivation was you have come out of it a winner and should try and enjoy your lovely clean bathroom!