Sleepovers

[NoonarAgain]

To really, really hate sleepovers?

Dd had her 11th birthday party yesterday and as usual I accepted that I could not reasonably refuse the annual request for a sleepover. We had the party from 4-7.30 ( not at home and didn't have to host it) then home exhausted to relax...oh no wait...forget that. Back home to start the bloody party all Over again. They settled at around 1am and we're all singing loudly by 7am.

Dh and I work really hard and I find it so hard to basically forgo what feels like the whole weekend's down time. Then today will be a write off due to tiredness.


Now I can see that a more everyday sleepover with one child might be more ok, with fewer sweets , more discipline ( if needed) without feeling a party pooper. But geez... With 2 dds, twice a year is enough.

My dds think I'm mean to as I start to twitch at the mere mention of a sleepover. I just can't switch off when we have overnight visitors really. AIBU? And those of you who host often...why, why, why? ( I can only understand it if you have an only child with a quiet friend,btw).

[NoonarAgain]

Only an hour and a half till they all go home ( they are nice girls so I feel mean). Then we have to drive a 1.5 hour round trip to collect the other dd from a different sleepover party. Nuts. Absolutely nuts.

[NoonarAgain]

Dd had 3 friends. They weren't that noisy, there was just one who wouldn't stop talking. Every time I tried to catch her out she feigned sleep!

[wheresthelight]

Sorry I think yabu. You are the adult therefore if there is too much noise, too many sweets and not enough discipline then the fault lies with you and your dh not the girls.

Be stricter! The girls either adhere to the rules or sleepovers stop altogether

[FlorenceMattell]

Have regular sleepovers with small group of friends. One at a time. They tend to go straight to sleep now.

[NoonarAgain]

Wherestgelight, it's funny you should say that as I am actually very strict ( I'm a teacher and used to dealing with residential trips). But at home I have to allow a certain amount of 'fun'. The sweets weren't excessive, but I allow a small 'feast' in the room as its a birthday. The sugar, even in small amounts keeps them awake.

The noise was very quiet chatting/ giggling, and really hard to catch them at it, but enough to keep them awake.

If I'm going to say no sweets, silence by 10.30 or separate rooms, then it's not a party is it? I feel I have to allow a small amount of this rule breaking, which is what I hate! I don't think it was a discipline issue, tbh.

[NoonarAgain]

So what rules would you have for 11 yo party sleepover? Was 3 guests too many? Should I have said no sweets upstairs? Silence by what time?

[SavoyCabbage]

I don't think any of us enjoy the birthday sleepover. But we aren't doing them for our own pleasure and for some reason the do all seem to love them. It's a party and you want them to be having a good time.

I look at them like work now! It's just something that has to be done.

One guest is totally different. A different vibe and they behave much better.

[addictedtosugar]

You don't have to catch them at it. You go in and say you can hear them downstairs, it needs to stop.

[NoonarAgain]

Savoy, you're right, I guess. I think maybe I'm wrong to refuse all other sleepovers as the birthday ones give them such a bad name, IYSWIM!

[wheresthelight]

You own post suggested the issues I raised. But at 11 a small bag of sweets or a chocolate bar is sufficient and lights out and no noise after 11 is perfectly acceptable. If you are not prepared to set boundaries then you are to blame for the situation you find yourself in today

[RoganJosh]

I try and avoid hosting sleepovers (children are younger though), but my friend has lots and just goes to bed as normal. We're they being noisy enough to keep you awake or would that work?

[Joolsy]

Surely it's ok for them to talk as long as it's not keeping other members of the family awake? I say to them they can talk quietly (wth the light out), and put my earplugs in.

[Eva50]

We don't do sleepovers. They don't work for me. Give them their party and send them all home. I'm actually not all that keen on parties either.

[Glitoris]

It was her birthday....she spent it having a lovely time with a few good friends of hers (those birthday sleepovers will be one of the happier memories of her childhood,and that will be over before you know it)...don't be a killjoy.

[arethereanyleftatall]

We have loads of sleepovers, because the kids love them, and it works for us. It doesn't affect my evening if they chat all night. Then the dc go to others houses, and we use the opportunity to go out. Win, win.

[fourtothedozen]

I think you caouls have managed it a little better OP. Arriving back home at 7.30 meant that the adrenalin levels rose at a new environment, lots to investigate, explore and play with. A 1am lights out is a forgone conclusion.
If you had an outing at lunchtime, early afternoon, you could have had them back by 4pm, then 73.0 could start the winding down ( which is fun too), PJs, hot chocolate, DVD
I don't know how many kids you had over- I set a maximum of two friends over, no more, and always lights out and quiet from 10.30 onwards.
I set strict boundaries and if they are not followed,, then no more sleepovers for a set period.
Having said that I love my kids having sleepovers.