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To be upset that my two close friends, whom I introduced to each other are now besties and I'm left out?

(58 Posts)
Youloveit Sat 11-Jul-15 20:09:38

I have been friends with A for about 5 years. We live in the same road and I have for the past couple of years considered her to be one of my best friends.

I have known B for longer - around 10 years - and until recently she lived across the other side of town. I too have considered her to be one of my best friends.

A and B hadn't met until B moved into the same road as A and I a year ago. When B moved here I invited her round a few times when A was here, and was happy when they got on well. B's child was due to start in reception at the school that my children and A's children attend so I thought it would be nice for B to know some other parents.

However over the past 6 months they have increasingly done more and more together, and they both seem to not particularly want to see me. They have joined a gym together and go to classes there. Neither asked me if I wanted to join too. They have also had a couple of days out in school holidays with their kids, but not asked my kids and I if we would like to go. Today I have seen on Facebook that they've gone to London to see a show :-/ Plus lots of other coffees and nights out.

It's fine with me that they get on, and fine that they're friends but I'm so upset about how they keep leaving me out and never including me. I don't understand why. If I suggest things they are always too busy or bail out at the last minute. I actually saw B yesterday during the school run and suggested having a coffee next week and she muttered about checking her diary and couldn't get away quickly enough. I don't think either of them like me enough anymore to do things like go to a gym with me or go to London with me. They are both quite offhand with me when I do see them.

I have other friends of course, but these two were my best friends and I'm gutted that they have both just dumped me.

DowntownFunk Sat 11-Jul-15 20:13:26

You've been Wendied.

It's shit of your friends but there's not a huge amount you can do. I'd unfollow them on FB for a bit if their posts are making you feel hurt.

Joolsy Sat 11-Jul-15 20:16:57

YANBU to feel hurt, i would too, especially as they're, for some reason, trying to avoid you.

BTW why are you calling it Wendied, Downtown?

Hubnut Sat 11-Jul-15 20:18:43

I would be upset too. It's odd behaviour for grown women, especially when you've been friends for so long. I'd try to be the adult in the situation and concentrate on my other friendships, give it time and the shiny newness will wear off their friendship and they'll have time for a wider circle. Try not to let the hurt eat you up.

mrsfuzzy Sat 11-Jul-15 20:19:48

i feel sorry for you, it's hard but you have been nudged aside, two's company and all that, meet up with other friends instead your ex bf have moved on so you need to do the same. people change, there's no point hanging on to someone who doesn't want to be around you anymore. go and make your own fantastic times with people who want to be with you.

AngelinaCongleton Sat 11-Jul-15 20:20:22

awww thats totally crap.

homeappliance Sat 11-Jul-15 20:20:49

YANBU, I'd feel hurt too and especially as they were individually your best friends. Perhaps one of them has swayed the other re not including you in meet ups.

Youloveit Sat 11-Jul-15 20:21:13

I guess I'm just so disappointed that my close friends, who I've been there for through thick and thin, and vice versa, and who know everything about me, have been so quick to dump me.

DowntownFunk Sat 11-Jul-15 20:22:11

BTW why are you calling it Wendied, Downtown?

One of the first threads I followed after joining MN was posted by a MNer who had the same thing happen to her. In her case IIRC it was a new friend, called Wendy, who she introduced to her circle and one by one the old friends dropped away to be BFFs with Wendy, hence the MN term Wendied.

itsmine Sat 11-Jul-15 20:24:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

homeappliance Sat 11-Jul-15 20:25:42

You mentioned you have other good friends. Concentrate on them, build friendships with others and ignore any of the Facebook posts. They've become best friends but that might not last, if they can do this to you then who's to say they won't do it to each other in future.

cuntycowfacemonkey Sat 11-Jul-15 20:35:08

This sucks and is made harder by the fact that they live so close. The only thing you can do is like homeappliance said is to concentrate on other friendships and I would hide their facebook profiles so you don't have to be reminded of it all the time. Keep it polite and breezy when you do see them

drudgetrudy Sat 11-Jul-15 20:37:09

TBH I would be a bit upset that they were leaving me out too, especially if they had been good friends.
I would ignore it totally though and not say anything.
I would make arrangements to do things with other friends.

DangerGrouse Sat 11-Jul-15 20:37:38

Just so you know that's happened to me and I know how you feel. It really, REALLY hurts. Unfollow them on FB so you can't see what's going on to reduce the pain while you lick your wounds.
Move on, this happens in life so just protect yourself from any more harm xxx

Wishful80sMontage Sat 11-Jul-15 20:38:12

Yep to the Wendy sad
Sorry op I'd feel exactly the same in your situation but hold your head high and concentrate on your other friends

LazyLouLou Sat 11-Jul-15 20:43:04

Co-Wendied ???

That's really harsh shock

Pancakeflipper Sat 11-Jul-15 20:43:32

That is going to hurt.
Focus on other friends, it will take the sting out of it.

Sometimes people just click and it's not malicious to anyone else. Their off-handness is not nice at all though. Don't check them out on FB.

It will get easier. Accept it hurts and look around for fun from other friends whilst you feel grotty.

Mintyy Sat 11-Jul-15 20:48:28

So sorry, that must feel bad sad.

There's nothing you can do about it unless you can be an enormously gracious and magnanimous person and just be happy that you were the one who introduced two people who obviously get on so well together? flowers wine.

This is not the same as being Wendied, btw.

RabbitDeNiro Sat 11-Jul-15 20:49:36

This has happened to me. I had to delete Facebook as I was upset at seeing things they had planned or did without me, then I was left out even more! I had been best friends with one of them for 20 years when the other one took over things in the past 5 years or so. Final straw came when the best friend chose the other one to be bridesmaid at her wedding last month while I was stuck at the back with the work colleagues. YANBU

TheWitTank Sat 11-Jul-15 20:52:43

Typical Wendy (x2). It sucks op, I'm really sorry sad. I second unfollowing them on Facebook and making some plans with other friends for coffees etc. Continue to be polite and friendly to your pair of Wendy's when you see them, but don't go to any special efforts. It's absolutely fine that they are friends, but not this freezing out behaviour -it's rude and childish.

NinkyNonkers Sat 11-Jul-15 20:54:15

I would have to ask tbh! Just say, "look, I may be being a bit sensitive here but I can't help but notice that I'm not included any more, and am getting a weird vibe. It's made me a bit sad tbh as we were always so close, is there a problem?"

Fromparistoberlin73 Sat 11-Jul-15 20:54:42

Wow that is so hurtful OP

100000% agree to unfollow them - what you don't know won't hurt you and it will allow you less anguish and more dignity

In all honesty they are behaving like callous bitches with zero empathy . Trust me that their behaviour will eventually implode

Keep it breezy and Fake it till you make it - sorry for you tho flowers

grumpasaur Sat 11-Jul-15 20:56:07

This has happened to me too and it hurts so, so much. Well- sort of. A group of three very quickly turned into a group of two, and I was shoved aside well friend a moved so far up friend b's arse I think she assumed position as her sphincter!

I unfollowed on Facebook and try to be light and breezy when I see them. They don't miss me- and it hurts!

SerenYWythnos Sat 11-Jul-15 21:05:38

I'd have to ask if I'd done something wrong as well. Is it possible that they don't realise they are excluding you? If you don't ask you'll never know if it's intentional or not.

CainInThePunting Sat 11-Jul-15 21:06:33

How awful for you, it's one thing for them to click and make plans as friends but to ice you out is just so mean.
I just wonder what is wrong with people that they can go from being best friends to the complete opposite for no reason.
I agree with PPs that to just accept that they are not the people you thought they were and move on is the best thing you can do.

I'm sorry, it must be very hurtful. flowers

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