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To think this isn't quite right?

(313 Posts)
Allisgood1 Sat 11-Jul-15 18:41:04

Dd (6) in the park after school the other day. She has two best friends, and the backstory (which I won't get into too much) is that one friend has a helicopter mum and has gradually been driving a wedge between not only our relationships but also the 3 girls seem to be playing less and less together.

Anyway, other day helicopter mums (HM) dd had a massive sausage roll. My dd and other friend asked if they could have some. Friend turned to HM and said "do I have to?" And HM said "only if you want". Well she decided that actually she didn't want to. In the end the roll was far too large for her to finish but she still refused to share it and HM said "why didn't you bring a snack?"

Is it me or should we be encouraging our children to share? confused

totallybewildered Sat 11-Jul-15 18:42:49


You should be teaching your child better manners than to even ask!

ObeseDenise Sat 11-Jul-15 18:43:16


Your DD shouldn't be asking for other people food.

LIZS Sat 11-Jul-15 18:44:05

Yabu. Bring your own snack!

It's a difficult one. Yes, it is good to teach children to share, but equally it is good to teach children that it's rude to ask to share someone else's treat (at least, that it's what I was taught and what I taught the dses).

As a parent, if I knew my dses and I were meeting up with friends in the park, and I was bringing snacks, I would probably make sure I had enough for everyone - or if I didn't realise until I got there, I would not get out the snack in front of the other children, and would save it for later.

TheMoa Sat 11-Jul-15 18:45:13

Well, o think the other child and mother have a point.

If she'd offered to share, fine, but being badgered for food is a bit off.

Its fine for a child to say 'no' in that scenario. Some things are not for sharing.

Allisgood1 Sat 11-Jul-15 18:45:38

So I assume if your children are watching their friends eat cakes/sweets/junk they don't ask if they can have one?

Wideopenspace Sat 11-Jul-15 18:45:48

What's a helicopter mum?

Leggytadpole Sat 11-Jul-15 18:46:38

Yabu. Maybe you SHOULD have taken a snack if your dd was hungry. Maybe HM is fed up with your kids asking for stuff that you should be providing?

ObeseDenise Sat 11-Jul-15 18:46:46

I've brought my 6 year old DD up not to be cheeky and imo asking someone who is eating something to share it with you is cheeky.

If it's offered then fine.

formerbabe Sat 11-Jul-15 18:47:51

I'd find my children asking others for food quite embarrassing actually.

MarchLikeAnAnt Sat 11-Jul-15 18:48:34

YABU even my toddler knows not to ask for other people's food.

Eyespy24 Sat 11-Jul-15 18:49:00

I would be encouraging my DD to share.

totallybewildered Sat 11-Jul-15 18:49:13

I have taught my children it is rude to look at or discuss or ask about other peoples food. I would have thought that was just standard good manners. No they certainly wouldn't ask for or expect to be able to have someone else's cakes or sweets, etc.

avocadotoast Sat 11-Jul-15 18:49:22

Hah! What?! Of course YABU. Feed your own bloody kids, don't expect them to be entitled to other people's snacks!

atthelake Sat 11-Jul-15 18:49:39

so would I former - wasps oaky a sausage roll of all things hmm

'HM' sounds like she managed the situation well.

Sparklingbrook Sat 11-Jul-15 18:50:22

An AIBU about a massive sausage roll. grin They are terribly calorific and full of fat. HM should have brought a big mung bean salad for everyone to share.

Allisgood1 Sat 11-Jul-15 18:50:39

Nah I prefer to give my kids fruit rather than shit snacky foods before dinner. And in days when I know we are having an early dinner I bring nothing. Such as this day.

CatMilkMan Sat 11-Jul-15 18:51:18

Add message | Report | Message poster Allisgood1 Sat 11-Jul-15 18:45:38
So I assume if your children are watching their friends eat cakes/sweets/junk they don't ask if they can have one?

My children wouldn't be watching someone else eat I would have provided the food they need.

littlejohnnydory Sat 11-Jul-15 18:52:20

No, my children don't ask confused

YABVVVU. Do you really think we should teach our children that they have to share their things with anyone who asks, regardless of whether they want to? So many problems with that. If you had a snack, and your friend asked if she could have some, wouldn't you think you had the right to decide whether you wanted to share?

I'd tell my children they had to share things like communal toys, the swing and slide, the bucket and spade in the sandpit....I wouldn't let them hog something. And I do tell them not to take toys to their friends' houses unless they are happy to share them. But I don't expect them to share their food and I allow them to put away things that are special to them that they don't want to share. I also try to teach them assertivemess skills that they will need as they get older.

Totality22 Sat 11-Jul-15 18:52:22

My son is much younger (2.5) and he is like a gannet for other peoples food, and he'll happily eat stuff that he won't touch at home.... and I always carry snacks with me!

Thankfully friends and family are cool with his lack of social etiquette he'll ask and not lunge for food but he is quite persistent

However I fully expect him to have grown out of this by the time he is 6.

Have to agree that asking is a bit rude - also I assume it was the child's lunch?? Although she should have offered what she didn't want.

Had I been HM (hell I am HM!!) I'd have explained that this was child's meal and I'd prefer her to eat it herself...

hedgehogsdontbite Sat 11-Jul-15 18:52:27

For me it depends on whether you are there together or just happen to be at the same place at the same time. We were at a festival today and met up with a couple of other families we know. When I got out some fudge we'd just watched being made I asked all the children if they wanted some and shared it out. I wouldn't dream of only giving it to DS. But as I said, we were friends and were there together.

MarchLikeAnAnt Sat 11-Jul-15 18:52:31

You can hardly judge her for giving her DD a sausage role when you have brought your DD up to beg other people's food!

Bearbehind Sat 11-Jul-15 18:52:44

hmm if you knew your kids were having an early dinner and you don't like them snacking on anything other than fruit- why is this even an issue???

Wideopenspace Sat 11-Jul-15 18:52:55

I want to know HOW BIG it was..

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