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To ask, how much are Mumsnetters owed in maintenence arrears?

(518 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

whothehellknows Sat 11-Jul-15 14:19:31

I know from previous threads that there are lots of us on MN with ExP's that do anything they can to avoid maintenence.

Last night in a fit of ire (because ExP who "can't afford to pay maintenence" told me about how he's looking to buy a fucking boat) I used the CMS calculator to double check how much he should have been paying all this time. In total, our kids have missed out on over £6000 in payments in two years. The number really shook me. I'm sitting here thinking how many times I've cried in desperation trying to make ends meet, worked overtime, sold my stuff and gone without to take care of my kids. What a difference that money could have made.

I know it's a broken record, but I can't help but think that lone parents would need a lot less help from the state if NRP's had to step up and pay for their kids.

So out of curiosity, more than anything else, I'm wondering how much mumsnetters have had to make do without-- I'm betting it's a mind blowing amount.

If your ex should be paying and isn't, how much has he managed to dodge?

DadfromUncle Sat 11-Jul-15 14:28:50

My Sister is owed more than 15K in arrears she'll never see. Her ex dodges it by paying a fiver a week, whilst signing on and working for cash. No-one in authority gives a flip about him, and he brags about his tax dodging life. I wrote to Maria Miller when she appeared on Radio 5 because she effectively said some people will always get away with it.

As I said to her (Maria Miller is a similar age to us), growing up we got taught to be obedient law-abiding goody-goodies, and I foolishly expected that the payback for that was help when needed - the reality is that no-one in power could care less about my sister and her ex-husband continues to laugh in our faces and the law and stick two fingers up at the lot of us.

Katniramal Sat 11-Jul-15 14:41:01

£12, 500 to date.

I seethe about it periodically, especially on weekends like this when I've just bought new uniforms and trainers for my 3 DCs.

And it makes me bloody ROAR when people say "get the CSA/CMS involved" I haven't done that already, years ago hmm

Disclaimer: I'm a lot nicer when I haven't had to pay out so much and had the delightful budget to contend with grin

whothehellknows Sat 11-Jul-15 14:49:30

That's when it really kills you-- when you've just had to work a miracle to get something your kids need and the ex is prancing about rubbing your face in it. I don't expect him to like me or anything, but it just apalls me that someone can be so awful to anyone. For it to be someone I loved, doing it to our children, is a level of "fuck you" that I never anticipated in life.

FernGullysWoollyPully Sat 11-Jul-15 14:51:10

Mine is only about 2k. I say only hmm

My ex has been 'running' from me, the kids and the csa for 5 years. He worked cash in hand to avoid paying maintenance, He went to prison for about 18 months so that 'doesnt count' and when he finally got a job at a company and the csa caught up with him but he left his employment just before the due to pay date so the kids got nothing again. Claimed he was a 'kept man' by his then girlfriend.

Since then he's back to cash in hand. I've reported him for tax fraud but that seems to have gone nowhere either. He earns more than my DH in a week <fume>

whothehellknows Sat 11-Jul-15 14:53:37

So that's over 35k in the first 4 posters. Bloody hell.

FernGullysWoollyPully Sat 11-Jul-15 14:53:56

I might add that its only 2k because of his time in prison and all the time he was considered 'not able to pay'.

meddie Sat 11-Jul-15 14:56:38

just going on his salary at the time we split (20 years ago) He owes me over 84k.

DollyTwat Sat 11-Jul-15 14:57:00

£2,500 here and another ex who pays £5 a week for 2 kids
He's self employed now, so no chance of ever being assessed to pay more. I've no idea how I'll get the £5 when the CSA shuts
I'll never write off the debt though. It will follow him til his grave

NoMontagues Sat 11-Jul-15 15:00:46

Court order in 2002 to pay me €300 a month.

So... lets see, that's <consults calculator>

€46,800 shock shock

I can't actually think about it because I get too angry.

NoMontagues Sat 11-Jul-15 15:03:12

Oh wait I might have factored in the rest of 2015 there.

Still, whatever. I ain't seeing it so it doesn't matter.

ShadyMyLady Sat 11-Jul-15 15:04:26

10 years worth, not paid a penny since she was born.

I don't even know how it's worked out, I'd say his salary was around £30,000 10 years ago so if anyone wants to work it out and let me know, I can mentally spend my thousands on treating my DD to what she has missed out on.

ShadyMyLady Sat 11-Jul-15 15:09:32

A quick google tells me about £70 a week, so that's over £36,000 owed to my DD. I'm actually shocked that the twat has got away with this.

I've never contacted the CSA, now may be the time!

youarekiddingme Sat 11-Jul-15 15:10:07

Solicitor worked out XP should pay €285 a month plus have him one evening a week and every other weekend.

So let's see that's - €30, 780 shock

meglet Sat 11-Jul-15 15:12:40

nothing (sorry!). Abusive XP, no contact for 6yrs, not even cards thank goodness, but he's always paid.

When the CSA changes come into force its all going to go to shit though sad. He will hit the roof when he is asked to pay more.

TheFormidableMrsC Sat 11-Jul-15 15:15:02

This makes me so angry flowers to you all.

My STBXH does pay minimal maintenance but should be paying twice what he is and manipulated his income to do so. I don't get it. Surely you would do everything in your power to ensure your child was well provided for? The utter c**t cut us off in every way possible overnight and left me with a huge mortgage and benefit dependent. He sacked me from our company even before he left so immediately stopped my salary.

He presented to the court that he was on his knees, OW even stopped paying her OWN MORTGAGE to be able to demonstrate arrears. He told the court he pays all of her bills amounting to some £2K a month on earnings of £640 a month hmm. Go figure...

He swans around in OW's late husband's car, lives in her 4 bed detached. They are so financially disabled that they can buy horses, have holidays, do hugely expensive house alterations, jewellery, her hideously expensive underwear sets, he has flying lessons, oh it goes on. Yet he can't provide for his own son who he says is the most important thing in his life. They are quite happy to see my child go without. They are utter lowlife scum. It is the one thing that I can't abide.

I am so sorry there are so many of us in this situation. I will take him to court again and I will go through the CMS with all the evidence I have, he won't be allowed to get away with it. None of them should be angry

whothehellknows Sat 11-Jul-15 15:16:07

Some of these numbers are sickening. As a whole, the total for this thread is up to over £400k.

youarekiddingme Sat 11-Jul-15 15:19:39

Yes I'm owed a lot but have this attitude.

Amount owed in maintenance for last 9 years = €30,780
Memories I have with DS he'll NEVER have = priceless.

bigsnugglebunny Sat 11-Jul-15 15:21:07

My ex was earning at a minimum of £600 per week after costs - but it was cash in hand (taxi driving)
He claimed poverty, and handed in fake tax returns and consequently paid £5 per week for 10 years (2003-2013). But he couldn't even be arsed to pay that in the end - and I closed the case down when the CSA refused to investigate how someone with £90 per week alleged earnings had bought houses and cars. (I haven't seen or heard from him since 2006, and neither has our son)

So.. About £32,000?

howtorebuild Sat 11-Jul-15 15:24:41

£2,500 officially hmm

From dodging figures £50,000 sad

whothehellknows Sat 11-Jul-15 15:26:44

Oh, see my ex will have loads of lovely memories with our kids doing stuff I can't afford to do with them. Nice, isn't it?

I suspect buying a boat will backfire on him, though. "Here kids, sit very still while I drive this boat across the broads for 6 hours..." Every kid's dream.

howtorebuild Sat 11-Jul-15 15:29:40

It's not just the ex involved in depriving the school maintenance either.

The CSA can only investigate the account of the parent, not joint accounts. angry

howtorebuild Sat 11-Jul-15 15:30:13

Dc not school blush

AskBasil Sat 11-Jul-15 15:31:44

Officially nothing because all the years he didn't pay have been written off as ... well... as... er... dunno really, that's what the CSA told me and apparently that's how it works.

And now he's paying regularly £2.50 per week per child, so that's all right.

All up to date and marvellous. And of course as DS is about to be 16, the CSE will stop taking the direct payments from his JSA and for me to re-instate them would cost me £100. Which represents nearly 10 months worth of payments. And then he'd stop paying again when DS is 18.


If anyone needs to know whether we still live in a patriarchy, they only need to look at how maintenance works.

wannabestressfree Sat 11-Jul-15 15:32:05

About £35,000 only started paying the last year and pays the princely sum of £11 a month due to lying through his back teeth.
Has now decided that he wants a DNA test (our son is 18) regardless of the fact I had to drag his sorry arse to court and get a declaration of parentage. Has appealed his assessment and it's going to tribunal (in Wales) and the judge refused to move it closer to me so I could attend (I live in South East) it's all a nightmare!!!
My other two boy's father paid the bare minimum so I had him reassessed after refusing to help with school uniform. They trebled it and take it out at source (army) he went bananas (couldn't give less of a shit)

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