separating joint accounts and savings when only one contributed - AIBU?(36 Posts)
Hi all, I posted about my shitty relationship a couple of months ago and I've finally found the courage to leave. Now we're having trouble sorting out the joint account. For background as I doubt anybody remembers my previous threads, I've been supporting ex-DP and his DS for the last year on my wages alone. ex-DP has been out of work for most of the last year and contributed at most £50 pcm - bearing in mind our rent was £500 pcm so £50 is a drop in the ocean really. We'd built up some savings which when I say we I mean I as he didn't contribute a penny. He got a job about 6 weeks ago and got his first pay packet about a week before we split up. So after we both contributed half to the bills (rent, gas / elec etc) and he paid his child maintenance, he had x amount left which was in our joint current account plus we had the savings in the current account too as we'd originally planned to use it for a new place. I haven't managed to sort out the joint account yet as I've been so busy but I have a separate account where my wages go into. We agreed to split the savings in half plus he'd keep the remainder of his wages as I didn't want to be a total b*tch and know he'll now need money for a deposit for a new place for him and his DS. Tried chatting to him this evening and he didn't want to know. He's since spent all bar £40 of his wages (I can see what's gone out on our statement) so most of what remains is our savings but he's swearing blind all the money in the joint account is his! I was trying to talk to him amicably about it, saying half the savings is X amount therefore Y amount is mine but he wasn't having it, just kept swearing at me and telling me how awful I am. Halfway through that conversation I realised he'd emptied the joint account! Thankfully he forgot we have another, joint bills account, which I emptied quickly before he realised. Not as much as half the savings, but still, I at least wanted something back. All the bills have been paid this month but now I'm worried any outstanding bills from where we haven't given final readings yet for gas / elec / water etc. will fall to me and me alone
I don't even know what I'm asking AIBU for really. I just feel so crap and I didn't want it to end up resorting to emptying the account, I hoped we'd sort something between us. We just had a blazing row where he told me to fuck off and leave him alone. I feel like I'm being a right b*tch even though I'm not entirely sure what for
Anyone? Part of me thinks why the heck should he have half when he didn't contribute. His argument is we were planning for a wedding (thank God that didn't happen!) and that was what we were saving for and so he should have half. Not that there's anything I can do now.
I think if there's anything in a joint account, then it's half and half. Any savings you have in your own account are yours. Stand to be corrected though, as I usually am on here
I think if he wasn't a thievy cunt, he owes you money for all the support over the year.
The fact that you were saving for a wedding is irrelevant. He didn't contribute to those savings, so he shouldn't take any of them.
You have been really nice, but he's a using bastard and was never going to be grateful.
Sort out the bills as best you can and have as little to do with this prick as is possible from now on.
Robot unfortunately the savings had been transferred to our joint current account in preparation to pay the deposit on a place we were moving into - thankfully we split before we managed to sign the contract. He then took all of the savings claiming they were his wages
Sunbathing pay a monthly direct debit for gas / electric but not for water, that comes as a bill every 6 months I think so we owe for the last 4/5 months if I recall correctly. That said, we were on a meter so our last bill worked out at around £25 a month so I guess it's worth me paying it to get him off my back. Unfortunately we're tied into an 18 month broadband contract which I think we've only had for about 8 months tops. It's in my name but I can't take it with me as I'm moving back into shared accommodation and they already have internet sorted.
Thanks for the reassuring comments that I'm not being as much of a b*tch as he's making out.
ignore him, he's a twat.
Thankfully not your problem any more.
Definitely not being a bitch, but he sure is..... aren't you glad you haven't married him?
Frankly, if it is not much money, you can try a small claims court or forget about it just to stay away of such leach (and avoid wasting more money).
And no, it shouldn't be a 50/50 split, you are not married, you are have not been together for that long, and you don't have have a child in common. That money is yours, but then, there is always that risk of having a joint account with someone who is not pulling their weight....
I'm not sure he's entitled to anything at all, seeing as you weren't married.
Thank you all. I know this is AIBU and I probably should have posted this in relationships, but your words are comforting. He has now reduced me to tears so it's comforting to know people don't think I'm in the wrong here.
You certainly aren't being a bitch to him, but he is being a twat to you.
If his wages are being paid into an old joint account then I would either close it or take your name off it so that it becomes his account only. Then finances are officially totally separate.
Make sure you aren't paying a penny into it anymore. He has to learn to manage his finances himself now, whether he likes that or not.
Not sure what you can do with regard to the joint savings he has snaffled. Maybe nothing, but check with CAB perhaps? I'd bet he has spent it though, somehow.
Probably Topseyt I will go to the bank tomorrow and see if I can get my name taken off it. Tbh the savings weren't that much, it's the principle and his attitude towards it all that bothers me more than money. I'm not in a rubbish job and I'm not short of money now I'm not supporting him and his DS, so happiness is more important to me than money, it's just the entitled, arrogant attitude and the way he made me feel that upsets me.
I think you should keep this incident as an example of why you are doing the right thing by splitting up.
He has Called you a bitch as he knows that will upset you and stop you going on about him being unreasonable. I'd agree with him say yep I'm a bitch and use my inner bitch to ensure I felt no sympathy for him or his situation. If there is anything else that will be disputed use inner bitch to move it today - furniture, electronic items. Remove yourself from accounts, ensure there is no food for him or washing or anything else that helps him.
He is an unreasonable person, he expects his partner to support him and his son, he's a loser and you won't reason with him. He has proved this by being greedy about the money. His meal ticket is about to walk away, he's sad, poor thing.
Don't cry, smile and walk away when he rants and swears. If he says he has no cash, how will he manage - smile and walk away - it's not your problem. If there is any hint of aggression with his shouting and swearing call the police and have him removed. He is no longer your problem, but i feel he will begin guilt tripping very very soon.
It will get better. Good luck. Embrace inner bitch!
That was a shitty thing he did, but you will be so much better off in the long run now you don't have to support him and his DS.
I'm so pleased you dumped this man. He has sponged off you for months.
Do try to get the account freezed incase he takes a loan out using it. He can go online to apply. And you will be responsible for the debt.
Don't underestimate him.
Please tell me he is t still in your house? Kick him out today.
Is he staying in the house? What will happen re your broadband account? Will he continue to use it?
He took out a loan ;( his individual account rejected him but he got it through the joint account. Am I responsible for it? He did it online. Bank won't take my name off account without his signature.
Yes, you are responsible for it.
The absolute thieving bastard.
Make sure the bank knows this was done without your consent and start making a lot of noise about removing your name from that account.
Tell them that he is using an account that was meant to be closed to commit fraud and that they are facilitating him by forcing you to keep this account with him.
And be really clear that if they lend him money without needing your signature, that you expect to be able to remove your name from the account without his.
And that you will not be repaying any money lent to him without your consent.
The reality is that as a joint account you are liable, but just be as much of a pain in their arse as you can.
Yes sorry op you are responsible for it. I know they won't remive names when accounts are in dept, don't know if it accounts if loans are taken out.
He really is scum.
Oh you poor thing - he's a 24 carat wanker isn't he?
You'll be jointly responsible for the loan so if he doesn't pay they'll come after you. Make it as difficult as possible to come after you (and therefore easier to come after him) by opening another current account with an unrelated bank and having your bills and salary paid from that. Be very clear (in writing) that you are not authorising any overdrafts or loans.
It does piss me off when the banks do this. They must see thousands of people with joint accounts who split up every day, so why aren't they more helpful? They could at least prevent any more borrowing against the account.
I'm not absolutely sure about this but I think you can write to credit reference agencies to make clear that you are no longer together (financial disassociation??)
If he does decide to play more silly buggers you could resort to the legal route to recover your money. You won't get it back but it'll cause him a shitload of hassle for a small financial outlay.
Make sure you lock down the broadband/phone account ASAP, although you will have to pay up the contract. You don't want a load of premium rate/international calls on there.
You are not being a bitch, but he is a compete dick. Yes, you are liable for a loan on a joint account - but am scratching my head about a loan against a current account. It would be good to know more about that.
You may end up paying off his loan (it is worth it to maintain your credit rating and be able to borrow at a decent rate), but just be relieved you didn't marry him!
According to this:
You should be able to cancel the joint account mandate immediately, and the account will be frozen until you both agree how to split. Alternatively if they are unwilling to do this they may be able to switch you to a joint account where you both have to sign to any transactions.
Separate as many of your finances/bills as you can now to protect yourself.
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