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Would this be really sanctimonious of me?

(26 Posts)
FanfeckintasticFitbit Fri 10-Jul-15 10:18:41

I'm prepared for a bit of a flaming so don't hold back.

Usually I throw caution to the wind for playdates and just go with the flow but they are much more frequent now that summer is here and DD is only 4. Later on we're going to a friend of DDs house and the (lovely) mother lays on a huge spread of cake bars, biscuits, haribo and chewy sweets. It must cost her a fortune to be honest and I don't let DD eat Haribo or chewy sweets only because I'm scared of choking but she ends up scoffing loads of chocolate, cake bars etc then ends up in dreadful humour for the rest of the day.

Would it be really sanctimonious of me to bring a variety of other things she loves like strawberries etc? I see how it sounds but we meet at least twice a week and its starting to grate on me a bit?

Icimoi Fri 10-Jul-15 10:28:50

I don't see why not, so long as you're careful how you present them and don't make any suggestion that you're bringing them because of the inadequacy of what friend's mum is providing.

LindyHemming Fri 10-Jul-15 10:28:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sparechange Fri 10-Jul-15 10:32:12

Could you just say 'Our GP/dentist/MIL raised a few concerns about DDs sugar intake. I don't want to inconvenience you because you go to SO much trouble, so would you mind if I bring a few bits over next time for them to snack on to help her cut down on sweets?'

spanky2 Fri 10-Jul-15 10:37:16

Just say, I brought these. The host will be pleased at your thoughtfulness and you won't offend her that her snacks are too sugary. Don't bother with why and pretend there is no agenda.

Getthewonderwebout Fri 10-Jul-15 10:48:20

So you go to her twice a week?

Offer to host and then you can provide your choices.

Take some fruit and keep an eye on what your DD is eating. If you think she's having too much, you need to stop it.

Handsoffmysweets Fri 10-Jul-15 10:51:18

You're scared of her choking on a haribo? What about other foods of a similar size OP? Do you avoid those too? heard it all now

Papercutter Fri 10-Jul-15 10:57:56

Depends how you handle it. If you bring out puy lentils and spelt bread and put it next to the cake, it won't go well...

NickyEds Fri 10-Jul-15 10:58:57

it probably would be a bit sanctimonious, especially as she's being good enough to host you twice a week. I think taking your own fruit and stuff would look a bit hmm. I'd offer to host and do mainly fruit and a bit of cake- see if she takes the hint. Do people still really lay on loads of sweets and biscuits for kids that visit frequently?? I thought we were all naice nowadays? I'm embarrassed if my bloody hummus isn't organic now!

Sothisishowitfeels Fri 10-Jul-15 11:03:13

Tbh I wouldn't worry, she's 4 and choking on a haribo is probably fairly unlikely. I also don't think that sweets and cake twice a week if she has a great diet at home will do any harm.

BUT if you really want to limit it I would offer to do one of the days at your house so then it's down to once a week. Taking fruit and healthy snacks will cause upset and the kids are unlikely to happily take strawberries and raisins when there's a bowl of sweets next up it.

LazyLouLou Fri 10-Jul-15 11:04:09

Don't be daft! You have the perfect excise to take strawberries, Wimbledon and they are in season, cheaper and nicer than foreign imports. As are cherries, plums soon. You found a great local greengrocer...

Go for it.

tumbletumble Fri 10-Jul-15 11:05:18

Hmmm this is a tricky one. I really wouldn't be happy with my DC's eating loads of junk like that twice a week, but it's going to be tricky to say so without seeming critical of her parenting. Fine to take along some fruit etc, but won't your DD ignore it if she has the choice of cake and sweets instead?

Agree with the posters saying you should host once a week and provide healthy food.

NickyEds Fri 10-Jul-15 11:06:54

Lazy grin I reckon saying "I've brought you some strawberries because they're in season and are soooo much nicer than foreign imports", whilst true would be sailing dangerously close to sanctimony!

RoobyTuesday Fri 10-Jul-15 11:08:29

I almost choked on a haribo once (as a grown adult!), those things are evil - they are slimy and lumpy and it just sort if flew down my throat. DH had to give me a good hard slap on the back to dislodge it so I understand your fear op.
Anyway, haribo aside, I think it's fine to bring a selection of fruit and healthy snacks and not at all sanctimonious. I'd put money on the kids making a beeline for the strawberries first anyway.

0x530x610x750x630x79 Fri 10-Jul-15 11:09:11

Could you just say 'Our GP/dentist/MIL raised a few concerns about DDs sugar intake. I don't want to inconvenience you because you go to SO much trouble, so would you mind if I bring a few bits over next time for them to snack on to help her cut down on sweets?'

don't like this answer, feels sanctimonious to me.
all my solutions only work as one offs. so no positive help

Passmethecrisps Fri 10-Jul-15 11:11:10

I would offer to host once a week as it seems like a big thing for the other mum.

Then put out a mix of bits including fruit and such.

Or be honest and say you are struggling with the amount of sugar in DD's diet so you have brought alternatives.

My dd gets a fair amount of sweet stuff but I know if the balance has tipped too far when she demands sweeties all the time. Then she goes cold turkey for a while until it is back to the odd treat.

Saltedcaramel2014 Fri 10-Jul-15 11:15:16

I would just take strawberries - no comment - this time. However it sounds like it's going to remain an issue - so you'll need to either have the play dates at yours or have a polite word with the parents. I think saying she gets grumpy after sugar is fair enough - there's no reason it should be heard as criticism unless you feel they are particularly touchy

FanfeckintasticFitbit Fri 10-Jul-15 11:42:51

Thanks for all the replies. I would love to host but DDs friend refuses as she likes her own toys, own house and gets unsettled in new surroundings so unfortunately that's not an option.

I don't think being afraid of choking on Haribo is ridiculous at all, they're aren't as easy to chew as most things and as someone said above they are really slimey and easy to slip down.

Maybe I just won't bring anything and say we've just had our lunch, which will be true, and let DD have one biscuit or bar. That can't really look too bad as they're there to play its not a lunch date?

CainInThePunting Fri 10-Jul-15 11:50:59

I would speak to her about it before you turn up with the goods, explain as you have above about how dd reacts after the sugar overload and ask how she would feel about you bringing along some alternatives to chocolate. It gives her the chance to process it before the event so the she doesn't feel embarrassed or offended.

Orrery Fri 10-Jul-15 11:57:14

Can you offer to bring stuff under the premise of helping to spread the cost/burden - like an American supper type of playdate? So everyone brings a plate, hostess has less burden and there is a variety that might suit everyone?

GoldfishCrackers Fri 10-Jul-15 12:04:48

I always bring snacks to play dates. It seems the norm round here - the kid equivalent of bringing a nice bottle to a dinner party smile I'd say that would go double if it's always the same person hosting. Bring snacks that you're happy with DD eating, on the basis that the other mother always hosts.

LazyLouLou Fri 10-Jul-15 12:22:36

Nicky I think I was guilty of typing without a filter, proving OP is right, she probably would be being sanctimonious smile

FenellaFellorick Fri 10-Jul-15 12:28:13

could you say something along the lines of we're so grateful that you treat us so often, please let me contribute, I'd love to bring lunch for us all.

and then bring more of a mix.

littlejohnnydory Fri 10-Jul-15 12:47:13

I'd say "seeing as you're hosting, I'll bring the snacks"

Lurkedforever1 Fri 10-Jul-15 12:48:02

I could perhaps have been that parent, although my selection would have included savourys and fruits too. Not because I promoted bad diet, but in my innocence I assumed her new preschool friends would eat the same as my dd and my friends young children, and plump for the savouries and fruit and only have a small pick at the sweet stuff. If before I'd noticed myself that other children didn't eat like mine and stopped the option of cramming down the junk somebody had politely told me their child was eating too much of my offered crap, I wouldn't have been in the least offended.
Obviously though if her child is also cramming down the sweets and cake then that's not the same, and I think I'd politely say that whilst that selection may suit her dd (after all for all you know her dd might eat nothing but organic lettuce the rest of the time and this is how her mum deals with 'treats') it doesn't suit yours. Alternatively say you feel guilty the other mum pays twice a week so you'll bring the snacks alternate times.
As an aside, never allowing stuff like haribo is more likely to make your child binge on them

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