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DD very immature worried

(41 Posts)
jazzdancepink Thu 09-Jul-15 22:03:16

I am worried about my DD, she is in year 9 and so immature still.

She came to give me a goodnight hug and kiss and I had to ask her if she'd cleaned her teeth today as her breath was very smelly. This often happens.

She whines all the time, this was noted on her school report and one teacher actually wrote that she threw tantrums when not allowed to sit where she wanted and sulked and whinged.

She sulks and squabbles with her friends too and she is very little girl in her hair and clothes, it's like she hasn't transitioned properly to being a teenager.

Any advice?

NurseRoscoe Thu 09-Jul-15 22:10:59

I would say don't make too much fuss about her hair and clothes, or her interests or anything like that. However deal with the behaviour as necessary, disciplining her for whining, bad behaviour at school and inform her of the importance of personal hygiene for health reasons such as her teeth having to be removed rather than because of what others will think.

Some children grow up faster than others but I believe it's important to pick your battles, not allowing bad behaviour but not pushing them too hard into something becoming a stereotypical teenager as she may find it quite daunting and upsetting.

That's just how I see it anyway. I was a slow developer as a teenager and made it to adulthood smile others may have different perspectives on it though.

IUseAnyName Thu 09-Jul-15 22:13:17

I agree completely with nurse

wheresthelight Thu 09-Jul-15 22:16:51

You posted about this recently so not sure why you have reposted

jazzdancepink Thu 09-Jul-15 22:23:10

What are you on about wheres? No I didn't.

Thanks nurse

MayPolist Thu 09-Jul-15 22:29:38

My DD is in Y9 (13 still) and has numerous friends who sulk and whine.I don't think it is that unusual.I am not sure what you mean about hair and clothes being like little girl.My DD wears the same sort of clothes as she di at 9 and 10. they are3 manufactured and retailed in her size so i am guessing there must be a market.

jazzdancepink Thu 09-Jul-15 22:33:29

She is definitely not like other teenage girls, her whining is very toddler like and she can't take a joke at all.

She can have a bit of a victim complex which can be annoying and she will just fixate on one thing and does that really annoying SEE? thing as well as 'it wasn't me, ask him, ask her.'

She doesn't pay any attention to Her looks, constantly falls out with other girls, I think she's struggling sad x x

Aeroflotgirl Thu 09-Jul-15 22:37:50

Jazz I understand you are worried, but cut her some slack. Some mature faster than others, she is still only 13. I was very immature for my age right up,until I moved in with my boyfriend at 22 after uni, and had to be independent and grow up emotionally.

msgrinch Thu 09-Jul-15 22:39:16

She sounds completely normal to me. smile

jazzdancepink Thu 09-Jul-15 22:39:17

Tbf she is actually 14, nearly 15. And I don't say any of this to her but her behaviour is similar to her 9 year old brothers.

Aeroflotgirl Thu 09-Jul-15 22:40:03

At 13 I had about 2 friends, and according to other girls, we were the SAD group I.e those with low self esteem and emotionally immature, not into boys and make up yet.

jazzdancepink Thu 09-Jul-15 22:40:28

I don't know if it's my bad typing grinch but honestly she isn't a 'normal' teenager at all.

You'd be forgiven for thinking she was 9 or 10. Whenever she brings friends round or I go to a school event I really 'see' it.

jazzdancepink Thu 09-Jul-15 22:41:55

Thing is with the girls you describe, they do work hard and get on with the teachers, dd doesn't.

Aeroflotgirl Thu 09-Jul-15 22:43:37

She is still really young, sometimes it can take a while for a teenager to develop emotionally. I woukd be worrying like you if I were not exactly like your dd myself. I was 13/14/15 going on 10/11. Going through life has made me grow up emotionally, cognitively. Simetimes if things don't go my way, I can revert to teenage mode blush

jazzdancepink Thu 09-Jul-15 22:44:51

Yes just hope she catches up smile

Aeroflotgirl Thu 09-Jul-15 22:45:03

How us she doing at school academically, is she struggling or doing fine?

pollyisnotputtingthekettleon Thu 09-Jul-15 22:45:54

DD has `friends` like this... always picking squabbles, not getting their own way, no compromises ... they seem to attract simular personalities who fight all the time. Sorry its time to get her to see a bigger pictures ... in how her behaviour affects those around her. If her teachers are noticing you need to do something quick.

Aeroflotgirl Thu 09-Jul-15 22:46:35

I am sure she will, if not in her teens, but her 20s/30s like me. She just might have an emotional delay

MrsGentlyBenevolent Thu 09-Jul-15 22:47:05

I'm in two minds about this. On the one hand, every teen can develop at different rates. Boys are usually more likely to be considered 'childish' at this age, in behaviour, but girls are expected to have started showing some adult thinking/emotions/behaviours, due to how we go through puberty. However, some girls can lag behind, perhaps she is fighting growing up for some reason? Is she the eldest of your children? Is she developing normally in other ways (cognative ability, hormornally, growth, periods etc).

I knew a few girls like her at school. Most grew out of it. One did not - at nearly thirty she still behaves like a pre-pubestant child. It's very, very odd and I can only put it down to her parents spoiling her rotten and never questioning her behaviour.

jazzdancepink Thu 09-Jul-15 22:47:26

She's mid ability but seems to be mostly meeting her targets. She gravitates towards one girl and argues with teachers when they tell
her she can't sit with her friend and they have all commented on this wasting time. All levels seem to be fine, the scjool has two halves of the year and she is in the top half but the bottom set in that half if that makes sense.

Aeroflotgirl Thu 09-Jul-15 22:48:40

She sounds completely fine to me. Inam sure if her behaviour was a big Cincern, her teachers would be contacting you.

ppolly Thu 09-Jul-15 22:48:43

She will grow up at some point. Is she physically immature too - has she hit her growth spurt yet? Has she always been whiny or is this a new thing? Teachers do tend to find whinges and tantrums hard to bear- especially in older children, but you'd be surprised how normal it is.

jazzdancepink Thu 09-Jul-15 22:49:15

She wouldn't say boo to a goose at primary but she's reverted to this whiny and sulky behaviour, I know one of her teachers in particular is really exasperated.

ppolly Thu 09-Jul-15 22:52:47

Maybe it is her way of indicating that she is struggling socially? Does she do any out of school activities and if so how is she there?

jazzdancepink Thu 09-Jul-15 22:54:58

I don't want to make her sound awful but she doesn't have many friends as she falls out with other girls a lot.

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