To feel awful and ashamed after tonight's battle with dc

[thinkingmakesitso]

Another night feeling like a failure as a mother; I don't know how I am going to cope with the holidays coming up.

Ds1 has ridiculously loud screaming rages over every little thing. they are short-lived, but pretty frequent and frighteningly intense. Reading (he is an excellent reader, so not due to struggling) triggers it nearly every fucking night, despite the fact that I never give in and we have been doing it 5 nights a week for the last 4 years, still he has to contest it violently nearly every time. Spellings as well. Bedtime an issue 60% of the time (fine once he gets up there, but why do I have to have 10 minutes of raging on the way??)

As well as this, ds2 tonight deliberately jumped on his brother's head while he retrieved his ball from under the trampoline, despite being warned that if he did so he would go straight to bed. He did it, so I took him up, with him screaming blue murder all the way. When I got him up there I saw he had sprayed sun cream over his bedroom walls. I had been calm up to that point, but got a bit shouty then . I made him wipe it up, got him in bed, all the while with him crying, and then he went quiet and started saying he felt bad about himself for being naughty . I feel I laid it on too thick about the sun cream, I feel awful but it was so bloody irritating on top of everything else. Obviously we talked about how much I love him, what we could all do to make these things not happen again etc, and ended with giggles and raspberries, but I feel so awful about it.

On top of it all, our house is very close to our neighbour's and, with windows open, I feel all they can hear all summer is our family screaming and shouting. They have one child who I never hear and I keep worrying they will report me or something.

Ex has been a knob, I have decided to give up the 2 cigarettes a day I have and I have just had enough now. I wish I could deal with things without them spiralling so much so quickly.

[Purplepoodle]

They have been little menaces. You told them consequences and u followed through. I would have been yelling if I'd found suncream - not proud but would have tipped me.

Have u though of reward system for reading or reading a comic or something he wants to read too

[hiccupgirl]

I would have gone mad about the sun cream and made my 5 yr old clean it up too. It's not ok to do something like that IMO.

With the reading and DS1, I would stop doing it every night if he's competent reader now for his age. Maybe get him to read 3-4 times a week instead and make a big thing about how he's so good at reading now. If that doesn't work I would tell him it will be back to reading every night if he keeps making such a fuss.

But I'm a mean mum.

[formerbabe]

I think many mums would have got a bit shouty at seeing suncream had been squirted on the bedroom walls!

Obviously we talked about how much I love him, what we could all do to make these things not happen again etc, and ended with giggles and raspberries

Sounds like you dealt with it pretty well...don't be so hard on yourself.

As for the dreaded summer hols! What I do on the first day of the holidays is write a list of "holiday rules" and put them up on the wall. Then bribe offer them an award at the end of the holidays if they keep to the rules.

[WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant]

At least he realised what he had done wrong, and you spoke about how to improve.

As he has been reading nightly for 4 years, I guess he is 8-9?

I would try him with a reward chart.
But not for "all day". Too big, too general.

Each "issue" you are having with him.

Not fighting with db over breakfast
Good day at school
Eating all dinner
Not fighting at tea time
Going up for bed without screaming

Let him chose his reward.
Give him bonus stars if he gets "all day"

Give him some extra "big boy" jobs.
Can he help mow the lawn?
My ds loves the responsibility of the mower!

You are doing ok, keep being consistent with him.

[AyMamita]

If your son's been reading for four years and is an excellent reader is it not time to find some books that he'll enjoy and leave him to it?

As for DS2; sounds like he was a horror and it's good that you got him to feel genuinely sorry. Don't think you should have felt bad.

[msgrinch]

You are not a failure ad a mother. you are the complete opposite and you're also human.