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AIBU to not go back to this toddler group and tell them why?

(13 Posts)
ToddlerswithDirtyFaces Thu 09-Jul-15 16:04:23

Name changed.
I've taken my DS, aged 2, to a local music group about 4 times. The last time I went, one of the women in charge kept asking me leading questions about DS, eg does he really like routine, does he always run like that etc. And then came right out and asked me if I thought he had special needs, specifically Aspergers. I had never even considered this before as I'd always thought he was just a very normal toddler although more active, more stubborn and also perhaps quite bright as he can do some things at a higher level than expected for his age. When we talked further, it seemed obvious that she had no real experience of Aspergers apart from having once met someone who she thinks may well have been aspergers.
The thing is that I suspect that I am on the spectrum myself and it upset me hugely that DS might have to go through the same things that I did. I actually spent the next couple of days crying whenever I thought of it.
However intensive googling has convinced me that DS behaviour is fairly typical of a 2 year old and he could just be more intelligent than most.
He may have Aspergers certainly but at the moment I have no concerns.
Aibu to not return to the playgroup as I feel they will now be looking at him as the boy with Aspergers? And should I tell the group leader why?
I just don't want him to get labelled possibly unnecessarily at such a young age. Other people heard her talking to me. I also think that maybe she should be warned not make these sorts of assumptions in future unless qualified to do so?
DH thinks I'm taking it far too seriously and I should just forget about it. So I'm totally prepared to be told iabu in strident mumsnet fashion.

ToddlerswithDirtyFaces Thu 09-Jul-15 16:06:24

"...more intelligent than most" should read "intelligent for his age"

Nolim Thu 09-Jul-15 16:06:42

I would mention it to the organizers. This persons behaviour is a liability for their group.

Laquila Thu 09-Jul-15 16:07:41

None of her bloomin business. Was it the actual leader or a helper/another mum?

googoodolly Thu 09-Jul-15 16:08:42

I think you should mention it, absolutely. The lady seems naive at best.

ToddlerswithDirtyFaces Thu 09-Jul-15 16:09:13

It was a helper Laquila

Sighing Thu 09-Jul-15 16:10:05

You will come across all sorts of errr .... misguided busybodies best to continue the advice from pregnancy of smile and ignore. It is impossible to diagnose someone from one observation.

Wolfiefan Thu 09-Jul-15 16:11:52

Weird! What lay person thinks they can diagnose a two year old after a few moments of informal observation.
I would find another group. I might call and say you were made to feel uncomfortable.

MyraForum Thu 09-Jul-15 16:17:28

Please mention it. I run a toddler group and had a mum very nervously come and tell me that she wouldn't be coming back because one of the helpers kept really aggressively telling her children off, and was making comments about her parenting. What made it worse was that she knew several other families who used to love coming but stopped because of similar issues with this helper.

I was so, so grateful that this mum came and told me. I had no idea this was happening, but we were able to resolve it, the helper apologised, the mum came back to the group after a few weeks. Please have a quiet word with the person in charge, you absolutely shouldn't have been spoken to like that.

2boysnamedR Thu 09-Jul-15 16:18:05

I have two kids with SEN and I think I have a few aspergers traits ( or 50!) my eldest sons ( not the one with any sen) head told my dh he thinks ds had aspergers. I don't know how he came to the conclusion as I don't think he could tell a child with ASD if one fell out a tree and hit him on the head

It's not helpful having "experts" giving out advise. I don't know what I'd do in your situation. I am on the other side where people keep telling me my asd son is fine and will grow out of it

tabulahrasa Thu 09-Jul-15 16:18:48

Even if she had lots of experience and a valid opinion...it still wasn't acceptable to approach you and tell you it.

So yes, tell the leader.

Theycallmemellowjello Thu 09-Jul-15 16:23:53

I wouldn't mention it to be honest. For some reason people love to give their unqualified and unsolicited medical opinion on babies' health. If it was a nursery employee I'd bring it up, a volunteer I wouldn't. I also don't think you should leave the group -- I doubt anyone has been talking about you and your child, if they have I doubt it has taken up much of their attention, and besides, even if someone has got the wrong end of the stick and understands that your child has received a diagnosis, there's no shame in that.

TheHouseOnBellSt Thu 09-Jul-15 17:03:50

She has no right to say such things AND no qualifications! Don't go back but tell the leader why!

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