The date is not yet set, so I'm not in the position where I have to make an immediate decision.
My stepdaughter has recently announced her engagement to her long term boyfriend. We've been told that they'll get married 'abroad somewhere.' My husband and I were told it would probably be next summer. However she told my husband's brother it would probably be in summer 2017.
The reasons why I'm not looking forward to his event are:-
I've never really liked her boyfriend, though I've tried to get to know him and realise he has got some real virtues. He's hardworking and energetic. I think it's partly that his politics are right wing and authoritarian. For example during one of the first time that we met he commented on a news story involving the death of a man who'd been caught up in a demonstration, and died in the hands of the police, that the man had clearly been 'out to cause trouble', that he knew these things because of his experience in the cadet force and/or Territorial Army. (An inquest later found that the death was 'unlawful killing.'
My husband and I are actually of quite an 'alternative' generation. Our contemporaries didn't really go in for weddings. Often we didn't get married at all - or only did it after children arrived to secure the legal side of things, and then in a very informal low-key, low cost way. So both of us find long engagements and elaborate weddings a bit weird. Though of coursewe understand that lots of people opt to do it that way
My husband's retired now and I am on a low income. So turning up to some destination abroad, will essentially mean that any alternative holiday we might take that summer is scuppered. The flight and hotel for ourselves and our daughter -who'll be an impoverished student by then - would be a signficant cost.
I'm an introvert who drinks almost no alcohol. I can enjoy small parties and conversations with little groups of people about any topic of mutual interests. Big bashes with loud music where you have to shout to make conversation. I can manage this for a few hours when socially necessary, but being trapped in these situations for long periods is quite stressful. I don't really know my stepdaughter's current friends. She's dropped most of her old friends because they don't really like her boyfriend and he doesn't like them.
Despite the fact that I have been with my husband for over twenty years and was not involved in the breakdown of his previous marriage, his former wife - my stepdaughter's mother - will not make eye contact with me or speak to me. She blanks me instead. Inevitably this makes any social occasion at which we are present, very uncomfortable. (There has been one earlier wedding of a mutual friend, where we were both present, and she wouldn't acknowledge me in any way. It as uncomfortable and distressing.)
I would happily attend any registry office-based or other wedding-related event in the UK. It's just the thought of the greater duration and preparation for something abroad that distresses me.
How would other people approach this?
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To Not Go To A Wedding?
90 replies
AnnaMagdalene · 09/07/2015 09:49
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