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To think trashing stuff when you're angry is unreasonable?

(59 Posts)
Loopylala7 Wed 08-Jul-15 20:17:45

Just that really. OH has a habit of breaking something when he gets annoyed and its doing my head in - I've heard people say its venting and a good release, but all I can think of is why would you destroy something you're going to have to pay to replace? we're far from loaded

Sighing Wed 08-Jul-15 20:22:49

It's unhinged. My ex does/ did that. Absolutely terrifying to me.

WorraLiberty Wed 08-Jul-15 20:23:33

Venting? That's a new one.

I call it violent aggression.

YANBU

drspouse Wed 08-Jul-15 20:24:16

Even if you are aged 3 it is not reasonable, unless you've paid to go to a Greek restaurant and smash plates.
If my DS (who IS 3) did this I'd tell him not to (he does throw things. He says, "I throw something" if he's cross, and he throws a soft toy. Not something breakable. Occasionally a box or something like a book.
Is you OH 3?

Loopylala7 Wed 08-Jul-15 20:26:36

I sometimes think he might be drspouse!

Nolim Wed 08-Jul-15 20:27:16

It is unreasonable, stupid and worring.

Epilepsyhelp Wed 08-Jul-15 20:28:34

Definitely unreasonable. No debate really!! Going gym/kickboxing etc could have the same effect without destruction..?

Wolfiefan Wed 08-Jul-15 20:30:34

Not right. Adults get angry. Adults find grown up ways to express their emotion.
Or go for a run.

Wolfiefan Wed 08-Jul-15 20:31:05

Drspouse?

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 08-Jul-15 20:31:24

www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100310003 It can rise to the level of DV in some cases. Is he breaking his own stuff?

dejarderoncar Wed 08-Jul-15 20:32:19

Haven't watched soaps, or indeed any telly, for a few years now, but seem to recall that whenever a male character got angry he would sweep everything off the sideboard, or the table, or just smash something.

It is cultuarally condoned for men to do this, as I suppose the thinking is that it's bettter that they take their testosterone fuelled anger out on inanimate objects rather than on other people. Don't seem to recall women doing it, though.

Loopylala7 Wed 08-Jul-15 20:33:06

Drspouse is a name on here wolfiefan

YeOldTrout Wed 08-Jul-15 20:37:24

It's what my 7yo does & we are trying hard to break him of the habit.

Loopylala7 Wed 08-Jul-15 20:39:41

A mix of stuff really. Just whatever is to hand. I don't think it's DV as he has never struck me. Thanks for the link though

WheelbarrowWoman Wed 08-Jul-15 20:43:10

It's beyond unreasonable... it's worrying you'd even need to ask. My abusive ex did this - it used to terrify me and DS.

How is your relationship otherwise? What kind of things does he break and how?

Gabilan Wed 08-Jul-15 20:49:25

It's unreasonable. I went through a phase of doing it in my early teens - lot of bullying at school meant I was angry much of the time. I stopped doing it because my parents left me to pay for anything damaged.

It's not something an adult should be doing.

Icimoi Wed 08-Jul-15 20:51:58

He probably has been watching too much TV. However, you need to point out to him that it is not something that grown-ups actually do, due to the fact that if you're mature you learn to control your emotions without destroying things.

Loopylala7 Wed 08-Jul-15 20:56:10

Generally its fine, its just I've been working extra shifts recently for financial & career gain so I got upset that he hadn't pulled his weight with the extra housework which I would usually do (I said it in a very calm manner) and he just flipped out and then went & broke something in the kitchen in a fit of rage. Apparently I was unreasonable? Rowing is fine - although I'm really a more of a heated debate kind of person and hate over dramatised tantrums!

LumpySpacedPrincess Wed 08-Jul-15 21:00:22

So he is lazy and abusive, nice.

frumpet Wed 08-Jul-15 21:01:52

I think it depends on how it is done and how the people watching it feel about it . I watched an incident where a friends DH destroyed an entire bag of apples with a tin tray . We both fell about laughing at the the wanton destruction of innocent fruit . BUT neither of us felt in the least bit threatened by his behaviour . I would love to meet the adult who hasn't thrown a hissy fit about something and done something daft and totally out of character regarding wanton destruction of some bizzare household/office/work related item .

FluffyMcnuffy Wed 08-Jul-15 21:02:00

I'd go absolutely apeshit if my other half (or anyone) did that in my house. It is not on.

ladygrinningsoul Wed 08-Jul-15 21:03:58

"generally it's fine"...until you do something he doesn't like or feels threatened by, then it's bullying, controlling behaviour and "look what you made me do"

That is NOT fine. Been there, done that, I'd say you need to get out...

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes Wed 08-Jul-15 21:13:14

Am trying to teach my 4yr old that this is wrong behaviour that I've even refused to attempt to fix things now so que further tears when items are put in bin they won't be replaced.

I need ideas on how to get him to Chanel his anger

eggyface Wed 08-Jul-15 21:18:25

It is unreasonable and can escalate into violence against you. No, he has never hit you, but you don't want that to happen even once. And he would not smash his boss's desk, would he? Only at home where he can get away woth it.

Could you wait until a good calm time and talk to him about why he feels so angry, why smashing things is not an adult response, and what he plans to do to change things?

His response will tell you a lot about what he really feels.

Grandshiredoubles Wed 08-Jul-15 21:19:14

Son used to do this. Also smash holes in the walls. Terrifying, I would just run

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