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To be utterly convinced that I am persecuted by feathery gits

(8 Posts)
HoneyDragon Wed 08-Jul-15 16:45:55


I finally found a soloution to ridding myself of the Cunting pigeons and the incessant coo coo coo coo flap flap flap flap flap flap coo.

Nothing too extreme .... I only had to move house.

This also had the addition of leaving behind the noisy gobby starlings and their babies that insist on nesting in the bathroom each year.

So I'm now in a pigeonless zone.

Till I discovered the squatters.

Bloody cuntfudging swallows have managed to move into the garage before the builders put the doors on.

We have to get up at DAWN, ie stupidly early each morning, and stagger downstairs to open the fucking door for them.

Each evening I have to wait for them to roost before I can go to bed myself.
They complain when I switch Radio two off, and seem not to understand that technically, I actually own the house.


Does any one have experience of swallows? Google can't make up its mind how long it will take for them to fledge, so I don't when I'll be able to shut the door and sleep in.

SirVixofVixHall Wed 08-Jul-15 16:55:59

Well you should be ok after September. grin. They're v. pretty though...

HoneyDragon Wed 08-Jul-15 16:58:19


They may well be pretty but they are also asshats. Is there anywhere in the UK that's birdless?

SirVixofVixHall Wed 08-Jul-15 17:00:27

Hmm..Probably somewhere very windy and without trees. Even then you may get a puffin or two. What is an asshat?

SirVixofVixHall Wed 08-Jul-15 17:02:23

Oh and they return to the exact same place, so next year keep the garage door closed and put up appropriate nest boxes close by, or make flight holes somewhere so that they can get in and out.

HoneyDragon Wed 08-Jul-15 17:04:26

I'm already going to put boxes up, I didn't know you could make flight holes? How big would they need to be?

FadedRed Wed 08-Jul-15 17:07:43

The birds were on this planet eons before humans. Possession being nine tenths etc, then you'll probably just have to learn to live with our feathery friends. Or built a bird free dome over your property....grin

HoneyDragon Wed 08-Jul-15 17:42:44

Exactly, eons. They've had their turn. It's mine now <sulks>

What if they tell the pigeons where I live now?

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