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To try to have a baby

(47 Posts)
Broodyandsad Tue 07-Jul-15 17:29:43

Even though I'm single, start a new job soon ...

I know I am stupid.

But I want a baby so much sad

AnyoneForTennis Tue 07-Jul-15 17:31:07

Would you get maternity pay in a new job?

Broodyandsad Tue 07-Jul-15 17:32:09

Just SMP - no enhanced maternity benefits if I was to get pregnant in six months or so.

addicted2cake Tue 07-Jul-15 17:32:54

What are your other circumstances? Could you afford a child? Age? Support network?

Broodyandsad Tue 07-Jul-15 17:35:25

Nearly 35. I could afford a child. Support network not great.

addicted2cake Tue 07-Jul-15 18:08:58

If you want a child and can afford it, and think you can manage then go for it!
you will find support from all sorts of places once you have a child. I don't know how I would manage without my great friends, most of which I met at ante-natal classes or the school playground.
It won't be easy on your own but you'll cope!

cashewnutty Tue 07-Jul-15 18:10:45

Do you want a baby or do you want a child/teenager who you will have to care for past the baby stage until they reach adulthood?

whois Tue 07-Jul-15 18:12:43

you will find support from all sorts of places once you have a child

Going from all the posts on here with people (in a two parent set up!) saying they are struggling, I'm not sure that is true for so many people.

Theycallmemellowjello Tue 07-Jul-15 18:14:36

I think it is fine to start planning for how you would make it work. I don't think rushing in and working out the finer details later is the best approach, just because of how stressful single parenthood can be.

QuestioningStuff Tue 07-Jul-15 18:14:37

What is your support network like? Are you ready for the possibility of being a single mum throughout a child's life? Prepared to cope with the toddler/child/teenage phase? How would you get pregnant? Are you comfortable with having to explain your circumstances to your child as they get older?

It's very unusual for someone to regret having a child, but is this a well thought out decision or an impulsive one? Broodiness can come and go.

ninaricci Tue 07-Jul-15 18:16:53

Start your new job first and see.

Broodyandsad Tue 07-Jul-15 18:17:58

In many ways I prefer the idea of child/teenager - as sweet as babies are.

My support network as I say isn't great but then that's unlikely to change. I don't want to reach 50 and regret being childless because I didn't have people on tap to babysit.

addicted2cake Tue 07-Jul-15 18:24:42

Sorry -,I didn't mean to sound flippant with my comment, I was lucky. My now ex h worked away from home and so for the most part I was a single parent and now actually am. I found a great support network, but maybe that's because I looked for one, I found like minded friends and we babysat for each other, now I have my playground mummies who have been there for me through my separation and have helped me with childcare etc.
having a child isn't easy, it's the toughest job ever, but if you have thought it through and are at a stage in your life when if you dont do it now you may never, I woyuld still say go for it!

Cornettoninja Tue 07-Jul-15 18:41:01

Logically there are sound reasons for waiting but I have to say at 35 it needs to be a serious consideration. You do have loads of time if everything is fine and dandy but if anything comes up its much better to deal with it now.

Have you spoken to your gp and perhaps had a fertility mot? Depending on your circumstances I would look into paying for a private consultation depending on how much you want checked (hormone levels, egg reserves, any unknown gynaecological issues etc.). Maybe once you've got all that information you'll find it easier to make a definite decision either way.

JohnCusacksWife Tue 07-Jul-15 18:43:37

I think it's unfair to have a child alone but I know I'm completely out of step with most of mumsnet on this topic.

Cherryblossomsinspring Tue 07-Jul-15 18:48:39

You need to focus on finding a good father for your children. It takes two to make a baby but nobody seems to care about that these days. Dad's are important and YABU to think it's all about you (it's not, it's about the child). Sometimes things happen in relationships but it's shitty to start out planning to take a child from some man. Unless you are carefully making plans to go use a sperm doner. That's slightly different as the man has conscientiously consented to create a child without playing a role in its life.

Maybe I have the wrong end of the stick but can you explain where this baby was going to come from considering you are single?

TakemedowntoPotatoCity Tue 07-Jul-15 19:01:05

You're not stupid. I did it alone, as have many others. Not my first choice, but hey ho, nobody wanted me enough so either that or remain childless, which I couldnt contemplate. Its your life, only you know if you could envisage a life without children.
I have one, but if I was younger and had more money, and if DD hadnt been 9 weeks early due to waters breaking early scaring me silly then I'd have another. So so grateful for the one I have ( donor IVF).

Broodyandsad Tue 07-Jul-15 19:02:34

I think that it takes two people to make a child but not necessarily to raise one. A child of mine would be very loved and well cared for, and I think that is what matters.

I had a fertility 'MOT' two and a half years ago when I first realised I wanted to be a Mum and it didn't indicate any problems - things could have changed of course so it's worth looking into.

Glitoris Tue 07-Jul-15 19:03:24

How long have you honestly felt like this?

RainbowSpiral Tue 07-Jul-15 19:04:12

I'd start the job and work out how you plan to have the child. Then start trying to conceive once you will get maternity pay.

Broodyandsad Tue 07-Jul-15 19:04:46

Felt broody, do you mean?

I'm not sure as like most feelings it fluctuates. I've known for sure I want children since - forever! smile

Broodyandsad Tue 07-Jul-15 19:05:17

I would have the child by IUI or IVF using donated sperm.

riverboat1 Tue 07-Jul-15 19:06:08

I think that if you really really want to have a baby you should do it.

Lots of people end up as single parents anyway, and lots of people don't have a support network.

I have a DP and am at the perfect time in my life to have a baby. But I just don't feel that urge. I think if you DO feel it, and realistically can afford in terms of money/time to have a child...then why not. I wish I felt it, and could stop dithering about whether I want a child or not!

bittapitta Tue 07-Jul-15 19:08:51

What will you do once you've had the baby? A year or less of maternity leave? Will you return to work full time or part time? You will have no one to share nursery drop off/pick ups with, in fact can you even afford childcare if you choose to go back to work? Think about all this carefully before conceiving alone. Incidentally I know plenty of people who met DH after age 35 and had kids then.

queenofthepirates Tue 07-Jul-15 19:15:16

I had my DD at 35 on my own. It's been fine. She has one set of boundaries (to push!) and lots of love, support and TLC. We manage just fine and she is happy and healthy and on target with all the stuff like reading, maths and writing. In short, a normal kid. I would advocate it. Sure there are downsides but we muddle along.

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