To ask DP to sleep on the sofa?

[breadstixandhommus]

DP worked a night shift last night, first time in our 7 years together. I found it very difficult to get to sleep, which isn't his fault in the slightest but I guess it was a bit weird for me (I now know how he feels when I'm on nights, but I've always done them).

Anyway, he finished work at 4am got home at 4.15am, came to bed and......turned the fucking tv on I may have been a bit short with him and told him to turn it off it may not have been as nicely put but I couldn't get back to sleep and then ds woke at 5.30am. I feel ballsed and have a full on day today.

WIBU to ask him to sleep elsewhere tomorrow morning when he gets back from work? Or should I set up camp in the other lounge and he can have the bed?

I feel the need to point out that my DP has major issues going to bed, for some reason he HAS to have the tv on, and when he switched the tv off he tossed and turned, which is what kept me awake.

[PurpleWithRed]

He came in to your bedroom at 4:15am where you were sleeping and turned on the TV??? You two need to do some lateral thinking about how to handle his night shifts.

[Pastaeater]

What???! He turned the tv on at 4.15am?! I would have killed him!!

[whois]

Yikes I can't imagine being with someone who thinks its acceptable to turn on the TV in the bedroom at 4.15am while their partner is asleep. What a doofus.

If he needs the TV on to sleep I do not think it's unreasonable to ask him to sleep in the sitting room whilst on nights.

Probably be better if he started to do some
Sleep training with himself to loose the TV requirement though.

[FenellaFellorick]

that was extremely selfish of him. Does he see that or does he think that it was ok to do that? if he can't sleep without the tv on then he should sleep in another room rather than wake you up in the early hours of the morning.

[flanjabelle]

Wow. I think I would have stabbed him. Yanbu at all op. Wow.

[Sorehead]

YANBU

My DH would be under the patio now if he did that

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

If he needs tv he needs to sleep on the sofa

[TobleroneBoo]

That's a bit of a dick move, I'd have been raging! Maybe wireless headphone or yes relegate him to the sofa

[whois]

The light is still annoying tho even with headphones.

Maybe iPad with headphones and totally facing away from OP? Or, he sorts his shit sleep habit out or sleeps on the sofa.

[dalmatianmad]

Both Dp and myself finish work at daft times and we quietly sneak into bed, I can't imagine either of us turning the TV on whilst the other one was fast asleep! I'd have gone mental

[WorraLiberty]

My DH is on night shift this week and I'd kill him if he ever did this!

In fact reading this has made me so angry, I might nip upstairs in a minute and slap him

YANBU

[BarbarianMum]

I guess if he always has the TV on when he goes to bed you he probably thought you'd be OK with it. Can totally see why you're not though.

I don't think the sofa is a suitable long term solution though. Twin beds? Spare room? Sofa bed in living room?

[breadstixandhommus]

To be fair to him, I don't think he even thought about what he was doing and turned it off as soon as I told him to bollocked him

We have a sofa bed on order but won't arrive until August.

These nights are not guaranteed to ever happen again and he's only got 3. Just what do I do for the next 2?

[BarbarianMum]

For two nights only, sleep seperately. Could he kip down on the sofa then transfer to the bedroom when you get up, or would it be easier if you slept on the sofa or in with your dc? If it's just a temporary thing just do whatever works for you both.

[addictedtosugar]

headphones and the radio or similar?
Or the sofa - but he might just be better staying up til you and DS get up (or even staying up with DS at 5.30 til something more acceptable like 6am), and then getting into your bed when you get up?

TV on at 4am is NOT acceptable.

[breadstixandhommus]

I was thinking maybe blow up the double mattress and put it in the other lounge. There's a tv in there if he wants to put it on.

I haven't spoken to him yet, we've gone out. Just wanted opinions on whether I would be an arse for banning him from the bedroom!

[breadstixandhommus]

Oh and worra you fucking legend, that made me spit out my coffee

[SylvaniansAtEase]

Totally unreasonable - TV on to get to sleep is a shitty bad habit anyway, but at 4 am, I'd have killed him. Presumably you don't plan to schedule your brass band practice for early the next morning while he's catching up on missed sleep, yes? If shifts are involved, everyone has to be considerate. If he can't get to sleep without something like the tv, then yes he has to sleep elsewhere. You need a plan. Next two nights, he on sofa one night, you the next maybe? NO tv sound when he comes back, even if in next room. Headphones, or no sound, or does he have a smartphone - could he read stuff online til he can get to sleep?

Longer term, sofa bed and maybe take turns. There's no reason why just because he is the one with the night shift, he should always miss out on the bed - but it's essential that both people are hyper considerate of the fact that while they're up and doing, others in the house are on their sleep time and need QUIET. Not just 'no loud singing and banging', but QUIET.

[PercyGherkin]

Talk to him first before issuing bannings. If he's not going to do it again (which he probably won't, now he's seen the reaction - I'm assuming he's not a complete arse, just a bit thoughtless) then no reason he can't slip quietly into bed. On the other hand if he needs to watch a bit of TV as downtime then he needs to do so downstairs, quietly.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Oh man, I'd have hit the fecking roof if mine had done that!!

YWNBU to ensure that one of you sleeps elsewhere - or at least watches tv in the other room and only comes to bed when he's ready to sleep, and THEN gets into bed quietly with no lights.

It depends on which rooms have to be gone through to get to bed - there's no point you sleeping on the sofa if he has to go through/past you to get to bed, he'll wake you anyway.

I'm sure he can cope with the sofa when he comes in, and then can go to bed when you get up?

[WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant]

Yabu! Ditch the tv from the bedroom!
Bedroom are for sleeping (or adult games!)

He was being a total moron. If he wants tv and noise, stay downstairs, away from the rest of the family.

Lots of scientific studies show having electronics and artificial "blue" light hinders sleep.

No harm in separate beds either short or long term. There is no rule to say you have to share.
Xdp used to have 3 quilts and at least 4 blankets on his bed. In the summer.
In the winter, he had a sleeping bag too.
As he felt cold...
Soon became his bed.

[RoboticSealpup]

That's weird for an adult, not being able to sleep without the TV. Does he have insomnia?

[helenahandbag]

I'd have been furious! I nearly killed DP last night because he came to bed at 1.30am and didn't shut the bedroom door properly so the dog got out and came bounding back to bed with toys, barking and growling at us to play with him. DP then put the big light on just to grab the toys and throw them into the hall

[breadstixandhommus]

I don't think he has insomnia as such, it's a terrible habit he's got himself into and can't seem to break!

Fair play to him, he's just phoned all apologetic and said he'll sleep on the blow up bed in the other lounge.

[Topseyt]

At least he has had the grace to see that it was wrong, so is willing to sleep in a different room tonight.

What a twonk! I think I would probably have crowned mine with said TV if he did this. Thankfully though, neither of us are shift workers, and we don't have a TV in the bedroom.