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AIBU?

AIBU to be unhappy with my boss?

51 replies

Geekymeeky · 06/07/2015 20:41

Although we have had our moments, my relationship with my boss is generally alright. I do well in my job and my boss makes that clear at my performance reviews. He knows that I am able to operate at the next level and we have both acknowledged that thinking about moving up is a natural should be on my agenda. BTW, I have been in my current post for 2 years and 2 months. Promotional opportunities are currently very thin within the organisation but things might change in the next 4-6 months because of likely changes to how the organisation operates.

A few days ago, my boss forwarded me a job advert for a job outside of the organisation. It is a step upwards and definitely in an area that I am strong in (or at least everyone perceives me to be strong in that area). AIBU to be a bit upset that he did this and to think that he isn't/wouldn't actively seek to keep me within the organisation? I feel rather saddened by it all.

I welcome your thoughts. Thanks.

OP posts:

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BuildYourOwnSnowman · 06/07/2015 20:44

Tbh moving out is often the best way to move up (and get a pay rise!).

I would be flattered that he likes you enough to be willing to lose you if it helped your career.

He probably can't get you the promotion internally (I work for a big org and any promotions have been frozen and where not the associated pay rise has been)

Magmatic80 · 06/07/2015 20:49

Yep, I agree. Your boss has made it clear you are good, and is thinking of your personal development. I would use this 'mentor' relationship and with their support go for the new job!

Northernlurker · 06/07/2015 20:55

Your boss has selflessly pointed you in the direction of a significant advancement for you, knowing you can't get anywhere where you are. And you're unhappy with him . I'd work on readjusting that thinking!

Geekymeeky · 06/07/2015 21:07

Thanks. These are really positive ways of seeing it. I initially was thankfully but then began to wonder whether it was a signal that he would take steps to keep me in the organisation.

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DoreenLethal · 06/07/2015 21:17

When I managed a team of staff, my aim was always to help them up the ladder in any way I could. That included everyone I came into contact with - from the cleaner to my management colleagues.

Optimist1 · 06/07/2015 21:24

He might well have inside knowledge that there's unlikely to be an opportunity for your to be promoted in the forthcoming changes, but isn't at liberty to tell you the ins and outs.

Minshu · 06/07/2015 21:30

As a manager I have a responsibility to ensure my team members are able to progress for the sake of their careers, balanced with needing them to stay put to do their current job. It's really difficult to let people go at times, but I pride myself on allowing people to move on to bigger and better things. This often opens up opportunities for other people in the team to shine, too. Managers want stability not stagnation!

Geekymeeky · 06/07/2015 21:37

All of this seems sensible. Just don't know why my pride is wounded. I plan to ask him why he sent me the advert.

What I am certain of is my value to the organisation so it's not that I am a poor performer plus the job is a step up, equivalent level to him and possibly better pay. For some reason, I can't accept that he has my best interest at heart and wonder if there are other motives at play.

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workadurka · 06/07/2015 21:42

Have you been moaning about work to him or others?

teacher54321 · 06/07/2015 21:45

This is quite common in teaching, particularly for senior leadership roles. You only ever have say 2 deputies and a head in any given school, therefore progression to senior from middle management is tricky. Most people I know who have got head ships have had the support of their current head, and I know about them having jobs recommended to them.

missymayhemsmum · 06/07/2015 21:45

If I get a job forwarded to me I have a dilemma. Do I forward it to someone on my team who would be perfect for it, and for whom it would be a step up that I'd love to (but can't) give them within the organisation, or do I keep it to myself because I don't want to lose them?

It could be he's being nice, alternatively he may feel threatened by you and want to move you on.

MoonlightandMusic · 06/07/2015 21:47

I would say YANBU - on a professional level, that is a very strange thing to do, particularly if he's used a work email address and the advert was definitely intended for you.
I would agree on the careful approach. Make sure he provides clarity on what he was expecting the outcome of his actions to be. You should provide him with nothing other than a comment you were surprised to receive an external job advert.

(Also, if you are interested in applying, he absolutely does not need to know anything about it until the day you hand your notice in. )

threenotfour · 06/07/2015 21:48

YABU. He obviously considers you a friend and is treating you as one and not just an employee with his own/the company's interests at heart. You should be thanking him.

Geekymeeky · 06/07/2015 21:52

No, not at all Workadurka. In fact I go the extra mile. Plus I have been taking on more responsibilities and he supports that.

I was planning to moan that I can't see much opportunities so will be looking around. I imagined that he would advocate for a salary increase or something to keep me in the organisation. So him sending me this job advert made me think that there is no point in using that tactic. Truth be told, I am looking for opportunities outside and I believe he suspects this. I guess I am being unreasonable but I can't help but feel that he is expects me to leave and isn't actively looking to stop me.

I am happy though that he thinks I am good enough for the job he forwarded me.

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bloodyteenagers · 06/07/2015 21:54

My boss does it. Doesn't bother me. He sees something that he thinks would be great for me and leaves it to me to do with what I want.

It's not that he wants rid. He just wants me to reach my potential and feels that staying put is restricting me. He would like to keep me, and promote me but he cannot create a position for me. However for the moment I am happy.

It was from him sending me links that I do something connected with my job, but on a casual basis. This allows me to network and I in turn pass on any jobs that I hear about to people who are on lower grades to me.

DancingHat · 06/07/2015 21:57

That's a really selfless thing for your boss to do. I can see why you'd think twice that there might be an ulterior motive but if it's a good opportunity go for it!

DoTheDuckFace · 06/07/2015 22:00

I think it was a very nice thing for him to do and would take it as a sign that he sees you as more than just an employee.

icelollycraving · 06/07/2015 22:03

I think that is pretty selfless of him & I would really be quite pleased that he did that for me. On the other hand I would probably also worry that he wanted rid.

Geekymeeky · 06/07/2015 22:03

Moonlight, yes there is something weird about although thinking about Missmay's post, I probably would have done as he did. At the same time, one of the reasons we have had our moments (as I mentioned in my opening post) is because he felt threatened by me and behaved in ways that made me distrust him. However, our relationship has improved a lot and we generally get on well and are at ease with each other.

I don't know why I feel insecure about him sending me what would be an absolutely brilliant opportunity if I am successful.

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icelollycraving · 06/07/2015 22:04

Ooooh,do you have a no relationship rule? Maybe he wants to date you but can't.

MoonlightandMusic · 06/07/2015 22:10

Just make sure you update when you get the role!

You may get on well, but it does sound like you have developed a good working relationship, not a friendship. From a work perspective, there's no immediate company benefit to 'helping' you to leave, which is what is making me suspicious - cui bono? and all that.

Geekymeeky · 06/07/2015 22:15

Nah Ice. He has a young family and so do I. I can say this is very much not the reason.

I know I am probably being unreasonable to think that there is more to it than him just being nice although I can understand why he would believe he is only doing what is right.

I am embarrassed to admit that this ruined my day. Perhaps it is my pride that has been wounded to realise that no matter how good I am he is prepared to point me to the door even though it is through a better door?

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polkadotsocks · 06/07/2015 22:15

I know how you feel. I am dead ended in my job and there is absolutely nowhere for me to go. In a recent review meeting my manager suggested that I would have to leave to get on. It felt a bit harsh but he's right - I either have to leave or stay and keep feeling bored and demotivated. Perhaps your manager can see your potential and wants you to achieve it.

RunsWithScissors · 06/07/2015 22:26

Could it be that he's sent you the adverts I he can tell higher ups that you are looking at outside postings, and if they want to keep you they need to make it worth your while?

RunsWithScissors · 06/07/2015 22:26

Ahem

The advert so he can...

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