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To cancel a big family meal even though everyone is looking forward to it...

(16 Posts)
Frillsandspills Mon 06-Jul-15 20:26:01

Bit of background..
I'm 16 weeks pregnant, just split with my ex as he wants nothing to do with my baby. He was abusive about it and tried to emotionally manipulate and blackmail me into an abortion.
Despite that, I bloody miss him loads. Really not used to being alone so I have a lot more time to over think a lot of things. One thing I'm over thinking is my pregnancy in general. I'm so eager for things to go well I'm so anxious thinking something will go wrong.
I have a private scan booked for tomorrow so I can find out the sex of my baby. I thought this would give me something to look forward to and something to keep me happy while I'm feeling so low (originally I wanted to wait to find out til my baby is born but now I just want to bond as best I can).
My family are really excited which is lovely because their support means the world to me. My grandmother has organised for us to all go for a meal on Thursday (my aunties cousins etc) to celebrate me being pregnant and it will be a brilliant way for me to get excited and take my mind off things.

The only thing I'm worried about is that I'll be feeling really down and now enjoy myself and create a bad atmosphere at the table. I have my good days and bad days and even on my good days I can have a few hours where I just want to be alone and cry. I'm worried someone will ask about my situation with him and it'll set me off, and I don't want to go out my way to tell them not to because that will upset me just as much. I'm just not sure I'm ready to celebrate as even though I'm thrilled about my pregnancy I still feel I have this black cloud hovering over me since my relationship broke down as my ex was my best friend and I'm just not used to not speaking to him, although I know it's for the best.

Anyway, would it be unreasonable to cancel the meal even though everyone is looking forward to it and reschedule it for a later date? When my grandmother asked me today I felt a bit under pressure to say yes because it seemed as though she'd organised it already.
I may feel better tomorrow after my scan which I hope is the case. But if I'm still feeling so down in the dumps, would it be a good idea to rearrange? Or shall I stop feeling sorry for myself and get on with it?
I feel so stupid for getting upset over my ex partner but it's just a lot to come to terms with and I don't want to ruin anyone else's evening, but I don't want to be rude and decline a meal planned for me.

I think I just need someone to tell me to cheer the hell up and stop moping about.. It's not like my ex will be!

YouTheCat Mon 06-Jul-15 20:29:13

If you think you might be upset anyway, wouldn't it be better to have your supportive family around too?

Raveismyera Mon 06-Jul-15 20:29:47

You're not silly to be upset by your partner, he's treated you horribly and you didn't deserve that.

Don't cancel the dinner Though. Your family have organised it to show their support and they sound so lovely I'm sure they'll be fine if you're not on top form. They'll cheer you up smile you can always excuse yourself if you really aren't enjoying it

Frillsandspills Mon 06-Jul-15 20:32:15

I'm usually the life and soul of the party whether we're at someone's house or out for a meal. I hate them seeing me as not my usual self because I'm usually so happy and bubbly, but I suppose even if I paint a smile on it'll make me feel better (hopefully).

I just wish I could look forward to it!

fastdaytears Mon 06-Jul-15 20:34:00

They're your family. You don't have to be the life and soul of anything. Maybe they're presenting it as a celebration but I'm 100% sure they also have in mind that you might need a bit of support and they want to give you that, so let them.

loveareadingthanks Mon 06-Jul-15 20:35:38

I think you should go to the meal.

I know that last time I was incredibly down and going through an awful time, however bad I felt it was a boost to just forget about it all and do something 'normal' with my friends or family. I think it'll help you see the pregnancy more positively and you'll be grateful for the support.

Have you told your family about your problems with ex? I hope so. Have a word with your grandma that you would love a night out with them all to celebrate the good things, and that you do NOT want to discuss ex, your relationship, what happened etc and anyone who brings it up will be upsetting you and not supporting you. Then she can tell them all that that side of things is not to be talked about during your special evening.

Snowflake15 Mon 06-Jul-15 20:37:10

Go, even if you don't feel like it it will probably make you feel better, you need to eat anyway so might aswell go! I'm sure they will understand if you're not feeling great, they just want to support you and show they care smile

Frillsandspills Mon 06-Jul-15 20:42:33

They know he's not happy with the pregnancy but they don't know he's tried forcing me into an abortion, spitting in my face etc. although my mum does so I can see if she'll just tell them to not mention anything. I can't turn down free food can I??

hopefully it does take my mind off things. I may be panicking too much now because I'm feeling a little down at the minute so everything just seems so daunting.

TRexingInAsda Mon 06-Jul-15 20:58:23

Well your nan organised it so you can't cancel it (or you wbu to try). But you could decline to go.

I would go though - your pregnancy is a wonderful thing and it will be nice for your whole family to celebrate their newest family member with you. If you get upset it's ok, your family are there to support you in good times and bad - don't put pressure on yourself to present a happy face, this is your family, they just want to see you. x

SexNamesRFab Mon 06-Jul-15 21:46:51

I think you have to go, your family are trying to be there for you - let them. you're going to need, and your child will welcome, their love and support in the months and years to come. However, YABU to think you have to pretend that everything's fine in front of them. It's ok to feel about wobbly about being PG at the best of times, you've had a huge shock and in your P turning out to be a shit. They will understand flowers

missymayhemsmum Mon 06-Jul-15 21:59:17

Go for it. Your family are showing you how loved you and your baby are, and kind of welcoming you to the next phase of your life.
If you get upset blame pregnancy hormones and your exP being a git.

Frillsandspills Mon 06-Jul-15 22:03:27

Thank you! I like the idea of blaming it on pregnancy hormones. The more I think about it the more I'm looking forward to being around family. It's not often we all rally together as we all live busy lives so it would be such a shame to miss out. Especially due to me ex P, he's ruined enough I shouldn't let him ruin the rest of my pregnancy.

Finola1step Tue 07-Jul-15 06:05:02

You should definitely go. I know its horrible that your ex isn't by your side. He has said and done some terrible things. But your family love you and the baby. Yes, they are rallying round. Good on them. Enjoy the food and most importantly, enjoy being with people who care for you and want to back you up. That's priceless.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Tue 07-Jul-15 07:30:01

Get your mother/grandmother to warn people that your relationship has broken down and you don't want to talk about it.

NobodyLivesHere Tue 07-Jul-15 07:51:15

I think try and go. If you really aren't feeling it you can always make your excuses (and pregnancy is fantastic for excuses!) and go home early. Xx

ASettlerOfCatan Tue 07-Jul-15 07:57:22

Go. Your family will be very needed on this journey. Let them love you and support you and spoil you. If your mum knows the deal talk to her. Tell her your fears and askher to give people a heads up that EX is a banned topic of conversation.

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