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Aibu to ask if boy toddlers are harder work than girls?

(78 Posts)
milkyman Mon 06-Jul-15 16:48:10

i have a boy and someone told me today that they are glad they have a girl. Aibu to be a bit offended about this?

Or is it just personality?

Normanpriceisnotarolemodel Mon 06-Jul-15 16:49:49

Well, my DD is harder work than my DS was.

Personality IMO.

MonstrousRatbag Mon 06-Jul-15 16:51:44

I think it is just personality.

You know all the stuff people claim boys do? My DD does them all. My DS doesn't. DS was a dream baby, a dream toddler and is an easy child still. He just happens to think he's in charge (of the entire universe). DD was a dream sleepr and feeder but in every other way is a handful. A delightful, loving handful, mind. She's nicknamed Tasmanian Devil by all the relatives.

Ask anyone who has 2 or 3 same sex children. They will tell you how different they all are.

And anyone who denigrates your child because of their sex should be made to sit on a lighted barbecue until their buttocks melt. How rude.

happy2bhomely Mon 06-Jul-15 16:52:31

Just personality. 3 girls and 2 boys here. The most difficult toddler has been my youngest daughter, probably because she is the youngest. We have spoiled her and it is no surprise that she is hard work. We've created a monster! grin

It's all rubbish. Boys do not just need food and exercise. Little girls are not all bossy madams. They are all just different. Some easier to love and like than others, and all with their best bits.

Rifugio Mon 06-Jul-15 16:53:01

What utter rubbish! Each child is different regardless of sex.

chronictreehugger Mon 06-Jul-15 16:53:06

I have a 2 YO DD a 5YO DSD (been with her dad since she was 1) and two little brothers 20 and 5.

I think They are taxing in equal measure, I find girls head strong, stubborn, stroppy and quite rude at time TBH.

I think boys have more of a penchant for mischief and "getting up to no good". In my experience they are messier than girls too but much more laid back and not half as whiney.

tumbletumble Mon 06-Jul-15 16:54:02

There's a general perception that girls are more likely to sit quietly and do colouring while boys run amok brandishing sticks.

It may be true that boys are, on average, more active than girls (you can argue for hours whether this is genetic or due to society's expectations) but that's only one aspect of toddler behaviour.

I have two DSs and one DD. My hardest toddler was a boy... and so was my easiest toddler!

IAmAPaleontologist Mon 06-Jul-15 16:54:29

Child A may be harder work than child B but it has sod all to do with their genitalia.

Some boys are noisy and energetic while others like to sit and read. Some girls are covered in princess shite and spend their days doing craft, others prefer to be covered in mud and half way up a tree. It is personality. And society unfortunately which exposes children to gender stereotyping so early that you see the effects at a very early age, especially when the parents are oblivious and buy into it all!

fattymcfatfat Mon 06-Jul-15 16:58:33

Definitely just personality. My DS was so well behaved as a toddler, DD on the other hand is a demon (that's what we call her) she causes havoc wherever she goes and leaves a trail of destruction behind her.

happy2bhomely Mon 06-Jul-15 16:58:46

Oh, and my easiest has been my eldest DS. A placid, cooperative, sweet little boy, who is now almost 15 and bigger than me.

What gets on my nerves is the whole, 'Wait 'til their teenagers!' stuff. My teenager is a dream. He is great company, affectionate and lovely. I'm fed up with all the doom and gloom. Someone is always ready with a tale of horror. If he turns into a git, I'll deal with it then thank you very much!

HaleMary Mon 06-Jul-15 16:58:47

It's nonsense. People too often view through gendered goggles, and perceive toddler behaviour as gendered when it isn't, or approve and disapprove of different kinds of behaviour depending on what sex child they think is involved.

A friend has a very stroppy, adorable, boyish-looking, short-haired
nearly bald toddler girl, and when my mother encountered her at two different occasions at a toddler group, she smiling and kept saying 'Oh, he's such a BOY!' when she believed little T was male, wearing dungarees.

When she next encountered T wearing a dress and with slightly more hair, she was much more disapproving of her boisterousness - I think because she doesn't approve of stridency or bossiness in girls, who should be shy and doe-eyed...

Teabagbeforemilk Mon 06-Jul-15 16:59:10

I have dd (11 years) and ds (4 years). DS is harder work than dd alot more. And, yes, he doesn think he is in charge.

I always get people saying boys are harder than girls. My dbro was (according to mum) much harder work than me. But I think its down to personalities.

DD is so well behaved and always has to obey 'the rules' at home or at school and hates being in trouble. She is very hard on herself if she isn't the best or gets something wrong. She has also been bullied very badly and didn't say anything for a while because she didn't want to upset anyone.

DS is more confident in himself and can be a rule breaker. However he is never nasty to anyone. He does stand up for himself and he doesn't take small failures to heart like dd does.

Raising dd has been frought with worry, I worry less about ds even though he is harder work. Not sure i am explaining myself well.

An example would be that if someone took something off dd when she was younger she would cry her heart out and take it personally. DS would just take it back and not give it another thought.

I can't say one has been harder than the other, just different.

Teabagbeforemilk Mon 06-Jul-15 17:01:01

What gets on my nerves is the whole, 'Wait 'til their teenagers!' stuff. My teenager is a dream. He is great company, affectionate and lovely. I'm fed up with all the doom and gloom. Someone is always ready with a tale of horror. If he turns into a git, I'll deal with it then thank you very much!

I am glad to hear this. I always get told that since dd has been so well behaved until now, she will be a nightmare teenager. I have been dreading it. Puberty has just started kicking in and she seems ok so far. Fingers crossed grin

HippyChickMama Mon 06-Jul-15 17:03:50

My ds was the most perfectly behaved toddler in the world, never had a tantrum, always did as he was told and no terrible twos. Dd (nearly 2) is a little madam! Tantrums over the smallest thing, wilful as anything and turns a deaf ear to the word no. I don't think it's anything to do with gender, I think ds takes after dh and does as he's told whereas dd is fiercely independent (don't know where she gets that from blush)

MishMooshAndMogwai Mon 06-Jul-15 17:05:19

Dd is mentally draining, dss is physically draining. Both the same age, both into the same things, both lovely and both exhausting!

thewavesofthesea Mon 06-Jul-15 17:07:43

I have 2 DS. DS1 is much easier than DS2. At all ages. It's all personality!

Yarp Mon 06-Jul-15 17:11:27

No,

I have two DSs and they are very different from each other. One was a much easier toddler than the other. Personality, birth order play as much (more) part than gender.

And you are right to be offended. Gender stereotyping helps no-one

Yarp Mon 06-Jul-15 17:12:13

I am finding the teenage thing much easier than the toddler thing

happy2bhomely Mon 06-Jul-15 17:12:20

Don't get me wrong, some kids clearly do turn into nightmare teens, but it gets on my nerves how everyone is ready to predict your fortune! Like when you're pregnant and everyone tells you, 'oh you don't know what's coming! Make the most of being able to sleep!' People are almost disappointed when I say, that actually, the reality was much easier than I had feared. After 5 children, the only sleepless nights I've had are when I've been in labour!

I am quite nervous about my youngest son hitting puberty. He is 5 and is the complete opposite of my eldest. (Just in case you think I'm being smug and giving myself credit for the luck I've had!) Little ds is a terror. He is a risk taking, defiant little whirlwind who answers me back at every opportunity! I

tbtc Mon 06-Jul-15 17:18:24

I have a 16 and 6 YO. I LOVE spending time with my 16 yo DS, he is brill.

My 6 yo DS is also brill, but he is bloody demanding and moody. I've struggled with my feelings with DS2, thinking I'm not a good Mother yadda yadda, but then I remind myself that I am still a mother to my 16 yo and though he needs me in very different ways to a younger child, I am his parent.

nb this has nothing to do with toddler girls! Sorry grin

dietcokeandwine Mon 06-Jul-15 17:18:34

It is down to personality and (sometimes) position in the family IMO.

It's a generalisation, of course, but IME a second or third child is often perceived as feistier and 'harder work' than an older sibling.

I know , for example, several sweet natured, calm, gentle little boys with immensely feisty little sisters.

Of course personality is a key factor in how a child behaves but I think a second or subsequent sibling is born into such a different kind of world to the PFB; they have to scrabble for attention from day 1, they copy older siblings, they are often exposed to activities at a younger age than the PFB because they're dragged around to whatever the PFB is doing. I do think that in many cases this makes a difference.

crazykat Mon 06-Jul-15 17:22:18

It's personality. My dd2 was like a stereotypical boy in personality but with a love of anything pink and sparkly. It was a massive shock as dd1 is quite calm and didn't really tantrum much.

Ds2 is an absolute handful, like a tazmanian devil on a red bull overdose, he can't be left alone for a minute or he'll trash the place, I love him more than life but I'll be glad when he goes to school.

iamnotaponceyloudperson Mon 06-Jul-15 17:24:09

My DD much harder work than my DSs but wouldn't draw any conclusions from that whatsoever. I have two DSs and they are as different from each other as can be. Agree position in family much more important. DD challenges and competes with elder DS1, DS2 (DC3 doesn't compete with either, likes being the youngest and is easily the most chilled).

There isn't a single difference I would put down to gender.

Volenflo Mon 06-Jul-15 17:25:40

My DS and DD were about the same level of annoyingness

Indantherene Mon 06-Jul-15 17:41:28

I have 3 boys and 2 girls. They are all different and were all different as toddlers. I had a difficult toddler girl and an easy toddler girl. 2 easy toddler boys and a difficult toddler boy.

My easiest toddler turned into a nightmare 6 yo, and my most difficult toddler turned into the easiest teen. Personality, not sex.

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