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going away without the kids

(21 Posts)
RavioliOnToast Mon 06-Jul-15 15:34:06

me and my Dh have been together for 2.5 years, I have 3 year old DD from previous relationship and we have 5 month old DD together.

as I had DD1 before me and dh got together, it's never been just 'us', so we like to go away on little 2/3 day breaks, admittedly this only happened once before we were married, and then for our honeymoon.

I want us to go to Rome in 2016 for dhs 30th birthday, but feel really guilty for not taking the kids. dd2 will only be just gone 1 and after reading on here about needing both patents permission to go abroad ( which I can't get for dd1 as father is absent) I'm a bit wary incase we do get stopped.

so, aibu to want to spend some alone time with dh and leave the kids while we fuck off to Rome for 3 nights?

SallyStarbuck Mon 06-Jul-15 15:39:59

Of course not. Do you have family they are used to spending time with? If you do, they'll have their holiday being spoiled rotten, and you'll have your holiday in Rome.

It's good to get a bit of space and time alone to focus on your relationship.

RavioliOnToast Mon 06-Jul-15 15:43:49

they'd stay with my grandparents and my mam would muck in when available, and possible dhs dad. I can imagine my grandparents will 'move in' to our place for the few days were away so all of the dds things are to hand.

NKfell Mon 06-Jul-15 15:43:56

YANBU at all smile

8angle Mon 06-Jul-15 15:47:59

YANBU - Sounds like fun!

RavioliOnToast Mon 06-Jul-15 15:48:36

I just feel like we shouldn't go without them. dd1 broke her little heart when we went on our honeymoon without her. tbh, we'd have a big UK holiday with the kids Hut we don't have a car and it's really stressful getting to the supermarket with them both and a couple of shopping bags, never mind getting to a holiday place with a shit load of luggage. sad

SallyStarbuck Mon 06-Jul-15 15:51:27

I think it's quite normal to feel guilty, but you'll all be having a 'holiday' - just different ones. Can you downplay what you're doing to your DD so that she thinks she is getting the better part of the deal?

Only1scoop Mon 06-Jul-15 15:52:23

Are you taking the kids away in the holidays also?

If so I wouldn't feel guilty it's his 30th after all.

RavioliOnToast Mon 06-Jul-15 15:53:52

possibly, maybe sag we have to go and do boring jobs when we're away, I know it isn't until next year but it's chewing me already sad

MrsLeighHalfpenny Mon 06-Jul-15 15:54:14

We used to go away reguarly without our kids - they will have a great time with granny/auntie/friend next door and won't give you a second thought once you've gone! (You don't have to tell them you and DH will be having a lovely holiday without them!)

RavioliOnToast Mon 06-Jul-15 15:55:32

Were doing lots of day trips instead of an actual UK holiday.

We went to Scotland for dds 2nd birthday and went on the train, but then got lost on a motor way, on foot with all our luggage and no signal because apparently my dh can't read a flaming map... This is honestly what's putting me off the lack of vehicle.

silverstar1 Mon 06-Jul-15 15:59:45

YANBU me and DH go away a couple of times a year I have DS from a previous relationship and he has 3 DC from previous marriage.
Go and have fun and enjoy yourselves the kids will get spoilt rotten

BackforGood Mon 06-Jul-15 16:00:54

Surely you just sell it to them as having an exciting adventure with Grandparents - no need to even mention to them what you will be doing, the exciting part is the special 'holiday' they will be getting.

Not unreasonable at all to take a weekend break if you have the childcare in place ready, willing and keen to do it.

suzyrut Mon 06-Jul-15 16:02:03

YANBU - I agree with what everyone else has said enjoy your holiday especially for such a special birthday. Also I took my children to Rome a few years ago and they hated it, city breaks are not great for my uncultured kids.

MisForMumNotMaid Mon 06-Jul-15 16:04:04

YANBU. DH and I went away for 2 nts this year to Italy. Leaving behind three chldren - Eldest is Autistic, middle one is lively and youngest has severe anxiety which is also thought to be Autism related.

My parents said they're getting older. DS1 is not likely to leave home for many, many years and unlikely to ever be fully independant so go whilst you have a chance.

The kids had a lovely time after i itial anxiety, so did we. We felt a bit guilty but not sufficient guilt to not think we'd do it again if the chance arises in a year or two.

MisForMumNotMaid Mon 06-Jul-15 16:05:23

If you want to holiday in the UK and can drive, car hire can be as little as £12/ day with many firms offering a to the door drop off/ collection service.

SallyStarbuck Mon 06-Jul-15 16:10:12

And think of it as long term planning. The more comfortable your DC are spending a night or two with grandparents, the easier life is because then if work or illness raises its head, you're happy that they'll just settle and have a lovely time without you.

RavioliOnToast Mon 06-Jul-15 16:17:06

eldest is absolutely more than happy to stay away from us, it's never phased her tbh, youngest has stayed out once at my grandparents, and they've had her at my house once also. This has been overnight aswell so she seems happy enough.

It's something I'm really excited for and love spending time with just dh, as much as I love spending time with the kids I love it being just us two, doing the romantic meals out and cocktails, something we never do usually.

dh has his licence M but hasn't driven for over 7 years and wouldn't feel confident at all driving us somewhere. I never got round to doing my test as couldn't afford anymore lessons when fell pregnant with dd1 as I had to move out of my mams

lessthanBeau Mon 06-Jul-15 16:32:16

just wanted to say you don't need permission from an absent parent who does not have parental responsibility, taken my two abroad every year, as couldn't get permission as father absent we were even married so he actually did have PR, it was never questioned. does the child's father have parental responsibility? that's the only time you need it.

other than that, don't feel guilty, have a lovely time.wink

RavioliOnToast Mon 06-Jul-15 16:49:12

unfortunately he does, EA relationship at the time, wouldn't have been worth my fucking life not to put him on birth certificate sad

RachelRagged Mon 06-Jul-15 17:00:54


Have a great time if you go

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