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To fancy my friend now she has lost weight?

(81 Posts)
samotoro Mon 06-Jul-15 14:07:25

I am a married man in my late 30's with 1 child of 2 years old. Married for 7 years and with my wife for 16 in total. Been friends with my female friends since uni for about 18 years, she was with her now husband then so nothing every happened between us and I didn't really fancy her just loved her has a friend. Ever since I met her she was always heavy.

Now she has lost a lot of weight and she looks so good, she isn't the sort to act all sexy but she doesn't have to try gorgeous skin, hair and smile and a top personality to go along with her new body.

Its not going to affect my marriage and I'm not going to tell my friend about my new interest in her so this isn't really a "relationship issue" which is why I am posting this here.

Is it so bad that I fancy her like mad now as long as I keep it to myself?

Lateswim16 Mon 06-Jul-15 14:10:08

Oh dear oh dear.

honeysucklejasmine Mon 06-Jul-15 14:11:29

It's kinda sad that someone you already knew was fabulous, who already had great skin, and hair, and smile and personality, is only attractive to you because she's skinnier.

You need to think. Do you want to be with her over your current relationship and lifestyle. Would she want to be with you? After all, you still look the same.

Is it worth it to you?

PinkTriangle Mon 06-Jul-15 14:11:39

I would never fancy a fat person, regardless of their personality. I dont think it's shallow. Just not my type.

You would be u to act upon your feelings though.

ahbollocks Mon 06-Jul-15 14:12:23

Mm I fancy people off and on, but when I think about it my dh is way hotter. I dont think you can help it, but whenever I have a mini crush on someone I give them a wide berth until it passes, which is very quickly!
Saying that though my relationship with dh is great, so I dont worry iyswim?
Are you and your wife getting on well?

HappenstanceMarmite Mon 06-Jul-15 14:12:29

This won't end well lamb to the MN slaughter confused

samotoro Mon 06-Jul-15 14:16:27

I thought she was attractive in the past, sure but I didn't fancy her rotten like I do now. I always knew some women have their "hot" years in their 40's and it looks like my friend will be one of those women.

There is really no harm or danger to my marriage or friendship neither of them will know about my change of feelings. I just don't think it is so bad that I fancy her, it just adds that little extra thrill to seeing her!

WayneRooneysHair Mon 06-Jul-15 14:19:48

YANBU to fancy it but YABU if you act on those feelings, we all have crushes even if we have partners so I don't think it's unusual.

WayneRooneysHair Mon 06-Jul-15 14:20:46

No it I meant her!

samotoro Mon 06-Jul-15 14:24:20

I do not intend to act on my feelings at all, even if I wanted to my friend would run a mile. I was a bit freaked out by my feelings for a while actually wondering what they meant, did I love her, was my marriage in trouble and so on but since just accepting that I fancy her and that I love her as a friend as always it has been much easier to deal with my feelings.

notasillysausage Mon 06-Jul-15 14:40:45

Your poor wife.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Mon 06-Jul-15 14:43:28


Fatstacks Mon 06-Jul-15 14:45:17

She doesn't know what she's missing dodging a bullet ...........

WorraLiberty Mon 06-Jul-15 14:45:28

I really don't get why you're asking?

I'm quite sure lots of married people look at others and find them attractive

The reasons are irrelevant.

Quietattheback Mon 06-Jul-15 14:51:00

It really sure what your asking. If we all said "No, it is absolutely not acceptable to fancy her", what realistically could you of about it?

You fancy her. That happens sometimes. Behave in an appropriate manner for your circumstances. Job done.

RinkRashDerbyKisses Mon 06-Jul-15 14:54:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Discopanda Mon 06-Jul-15 14:55:18

grabs popcorn, waits for the flaming

wayofseeing Mon 06-Jul-15 14:58:17

Might be hard for him to avoid her they have been friends for nearly 20 years. If it is just her new image stirring up feelings then it will pass no doubt but feelings do change over time. He might end up with stronger feelings than he thinks if he isn't careful. Time will tell.

FlibbertigibbetArmadillo Mon 06-Jul-15 14:59:48

I just don't think it is so bad that I fancy her, it just adds that little extra thrill to seeing her!


I second PP, your poor wife. You sound like you are loving this. Not sure I totally believe you have no intention of acting on it if you thought she wouldnt "run a mile"

Spog Mon 06-Jul-15 15:03:03

unwanted attractions to others happen to all of us at some point.
but i still feel sorry for your wife.

Somersetlady Mon 06-Jul-15 15:03:05

It's kinda sad that someone you already knew was fabulous, who already had great skin, and hair, and smile and personality, is only attractive to you because she's skinnier.

I think its kind of wonderful for the woman (not that you fancy her) that she has become sexy. Very few people find fat attractive let a lone sexy. I am afraid that it is a fact of life!
Humans are very visual animals and I think we should make no apology that a smooth toned body both looks and feels far better than a lumpy overweight one or indeed a skeletal one.

Lateswim16 Mon 06-Jul-15 15:05:40

Well I will tell you this for free op you are in very dangerous territory here and you should avoid this friend until you sort out your feelings.

No one wakes up and decides to have an affair and most people get carried away with their feelings and are in deep before they realise it.

ShipShapeAhoy Mon 06-Jul-15 15:06:24

It's fine to be attracted to her, it's a normal human reaction I think. I think starting a thread about it suggests you might want to act on your attraction and that is wrong.

Spog Mon 06-Jul-15 15:08:42

Time for popcorn.

AliceAlice1979 Mon 06-Jul-15 15:10:38

If your dp read this Im fairly sure it would affect your marriage. How would you feel if it was her writing this stuff? Does it still feel ok?

Also, do you have any issues with your wife's weight <stirring>

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