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To be pissed off that people feel sorry for someone who walks away from their child

(69 Posts)
Frillsandspills Sun 05-Jul-15 10:20:32

Mt ex OH left me when he realised I wouldn't have an abortion (I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant). He spat in my face in public and just acted so childish about the whole thing, and to be honest I was utterly humiliated. We have the same group of friends, a few of his close friends I've knows before I knew him, others I know because of him.
I spoke to my ex OH yesterday (nothing but arguments) and he said that his friends all feel sorry for him because I've 'led him on' into thinking I'd have an abortion.
I went to an abortion clinic twice, once at 9 weeks and again at 14 weeks (as well as having a third appointment booked I felt I couldn't attend). I was distraught in the waiting room and even staff picked up on it and knew I didn't want to be there and they were so lovely about it each time. My ex OH is livid that I've been and not went through with it, when I had no idea how id feel when I was faced with sitting in the clinic, and to be honest I felt I'd rather be dead than there as I wanted my baby (which he knew). It was only at the 14 week appointment I plucked up the courage to tell him I couldn't go through with it as much as part of me wishes I could have kept him happy, and this was when he spat in my face.
He just doesn't understand the emotional distress that comes with an abortion, he thinks you're sad for a few weeks then that's it it's the easy way out as opposed to having a child.
I don't mind the fact he doesn't want to be around, of course it upsets me but I wish he'd walk away with dignity rather than kicking up a big fuss. He's told me I'm poison for leading I'm on and that he wishes he'd never met me as well as other disgusting things I don't really want to repeat. He doesn't realise that I wouldn't have gone to a clinic without the intentions of doing what he wanted, I didn't go for the fun of it.
Anyway, his friends know about the situation and have asked how things are and he's told them I've led him on and I only said I'd have an abortion so I could still speak to him. They all feel really sorry for him. Obviously they're getting one side of the story but I wish I could shout from the mountain tops everything he's put me through.

AIBU for being angry at the fact people are actually feeling sorry for someone that not only walks away from their child, but who tries to emotionally manipulate someone into having an abortion and who spits in a woman's face because she's carrying HIS child.
I know his friends are bound to feel sorry for him because he's not happy, but if that was one of my best friends (and I have a few male ones) I wouldn't pussyfoot around telling them they're completely out of order. But that's just me.

monkeymamma Sun 05-Jul-15 10:24:36

He is vile. I think you need new and better 'friends'!
Congratulations on your pregnancy and best wishes for doing it on your own - you and the baby will be your own little family.

monkeymamma Sun 05-Jul-15 10:25:38

- and I'm so sorry he has put you through this flowers

downgraded Sun 05-Jul-15 10:26:03

He's a dick and so are his friends.

You're far better off giving them a massive wide berth and doing it on your own.

Congratulations thanks

downgraded Sun 05-Jul-15 10:26:58

And by the way my abusive ex's mates feel sorry for him because his wife "upped and left with his kid".


Just ignore. You know what really happened.

StarlingMurmuration Sun 05-Jul-15 10:27:11

He's a dick, and so are they. You're better off without them. Congratulations and good luck for the future flowers

RachelRagged Sun 05-Jul-15 10:29:34

What a vile little man .

OP have your little one , as others have said you and your baby , your little family smile

Frillsandspills Sun 05-Jul-15 10:29:59

Thank you for your responses. To be fair my friends are amazing about the situation it's just his friends I once classed as friends that are really getting on my tits, and I hope to god one day they realise he's being so horrible.

AuntyMag10 Sun 05-Jul-15 10:30:35

Honestly? All these friends are toxic and so is him. People who think it's acceptable to walk away from their child should be written off as 'friends'. Your ex is vile, you don't need him to do a brilliant job with your child. Do you have family who could support you right now?

Frillsandspills Sun 05-Jul-15 10:30:44

My little baby is the only thing keeping me going. And I can't wait to one day show him everything I've achieved on my own!

CakeLady1 Sun 05-Jul-15 10:30:47

He's a shit. So are his friends (although they're only hearing his side of things) although if he's telling you that they're saying these things, I suspect they're not really. He is trying to use peer pressure to bully you into doing what he wants.
This is what I'd do:
Move away from him. Start a new life. Tell him you lost it, cut all possible contact from him and start your new family without him. He is toxic & if you can avoid having him in your child's life, do it.

AuntyMag10 Sun 05-Jul-15 10:30:53

So is he I mean

Frillsandspills Sun 05-Jul-15 10:32:37

I have an amazing family who have been so supportive, as have my friends. I'm not worried about me coping (although I used to be) because I've got such a brilliant support network around me. I just can't help feeling so wound up about the situation

PerpendicularVincenzo Sun 05-Jul-15 10:33:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sighing Sun 05-Jul-15 10:34:11

He's vile. The strangers / staff at the clinic are more interested in your needs and wants than this man is capable of with regards to his partner/ child.
All the best for a future without this guy and his cronies. flowers

BabyFeets Sun 05-Jul-15 10:34:54

He should of never abused you like that, he also should of atleast attended the clinic with you because abortion are distressing.

Frillsandspills Sun 05-Jul-15 10:37:38

He did attend the clinic with me, and was sensitive about it while we were there, probably because he wanted me to go through with it.
His family cannot do enough for me at the minute though especially his mum. This will be her first grandchild and she's thrilled, she just can't get excited at the minute because of him being so angry about everything. But I'm grateful for her she's been an amazing support

Goodbetterbest Sun 05-Jul-15 10:39:12

XP gave me the money for an abortion.

I now have the most gorgeous, handsome, affectionate, kind 13 yo son.

XP was surplus to requirements. You'll be fine on your own. In fact, I find being a single parent much, much easier. The baby days, although daunting, were bliss. Just me and him, our own little family.

True friends will rally and support. You'll make new friends at ante-natal groups (don't be put off by being a single parent, I was the only SP at mine and we were all a life line for each other whether in a couple or not). And do join the ante-natal thread on here. Again, I made some true RL friends and gained huge support.

(We actually went on and had 3 more children and got married. It was never right, but I don't regret it as am now a single parent to four. He isn't around much, which I am extremely happy about it. He was always a tosser .)

Absolutely wish you the very best of luck.

Goodbetterbest Sun 05-Jul-15 10:39:48

And congratulations grin

Mermaidhair Sun 05-Jul-15 10:39:53

He sounds absolutely disgusting, spitting in your face! I would keep away from him. Try not to worry to much about his friends. You only have his word, and they only have his side of the story. Congratulations on your babyflowers You won't regret making this decision. Good for you standing up to him.

BabyFeets Sun 05-Jul-15 10:40:42

Sorry just re read your post properly: Op I think until your pregnancy is over you shouldn't be in contact with him because he could do something worse to you. Cut him off and when your child is 18 he/she can decide if they want to see him.
The friends are whatever who cares about their opinions

mindthegap79 Sun 05-Jul-15 10:45:49

He's a dick. Presumably he knows how babies are made? (He doesn't sound very intelligent..!) So he knew there was a chance that you could get pregnant when he made the decision (for his part) not to use contraception. That you made that choice too is irrelevant. He knew what he was doing and that a baby could be made. If he's the kind of man who thinks forcing a woman to have an abortion so that he doesn't have to wear a condom, then he's a scummy, nasty individual, and so are his friends who share his view.

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP. Hope you have some real life support now that you've made the wise decision to walk away from this waste of space flowers

HellBoundNothingFound Sun 05-Jul-15 10:47:05

Sounds like the father to my DD. He was vile and his friends all think lowly of me...DD is now coming up 7, I was a lone parent till she was 5, now married to a wonderful man and looking to try for a baby next month.

DD's father has never met her (he's walked past her), we have never had contact since and my DD and I have a great bond smile

Don't keep in contact with him, concentrate on yourself and the baby. It can be hard doing it alone but it's also fucking amazing!!!

Enjoy your pregnancy and enjoy the gorgeous baby!

paulapompom Sun 05-Jul-15 10:49:00

Frills, You sound so strong even now in this terrible situation - you will be an amazing mum. flowers

Having consultations at a clinic are part of the process of making a decision, lots of women who go for appointments end up going ahead with the pregnancy, it's nothing to do with leading someone on.

A person who can spit in your face is horrible, this is about his anger NOT about you. You have done nothing wrong, his friends will gradually see who is out of order. Xx

Tutteredboast Sun 05-Jul-15 10:49:15

It shows such weakness when people have to resort to:
"All my friends say..." He'll have told his story, they'll have shown some support. It could just have been him whining about being led on and nobody disagreeing.

Whatever it was, he has done you a favour by showing you his true twatish colours now.

Also great that his mum is supportive, so your little one will have decent family to get to know.

So, congratulations!!!!!!!!

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