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To not give this man a lift

(19 Posts)
Jessiepops Sat 04-Jul-15 23:09:56

It's a long one,, I'm sorry!
I pick my DP up from work every day as I'm passing his work on my way home from DC school, this has been a routine that has suited the whole family (we can't afford 2 cars and as I do the school run and work it makes more sense for me to drive and pick him up).
We live about a 10 min drive away from his work but for the last 6 months his friend (I also know this man he is a lovely bloke) has been jumping in for lifts.
This means driving past our house to drop him off.
It started when we saw him at the bus stop when it was raining and offered him a lift.
His house is a further 10 mins past our house and it means driving up and back down a busy main road in rush hour, which can take up to 30 mins some days.
Now he expects a lift every day, I've had enough, he doesn't even offer petrol money.
I've spoke to DP tonight as I've had enough of driving past my own home to sit in another 30 mins of traffic (he works with him but I know him sociably as well as he drinks in our local and he is a realy nice bloke) and he said he will tell him we can't give him a lift any more,, I feel awful though!
He is taking the piss out of us but I do feel sorry for him and would feel bad driving past him at the bus stop every day.

FarFromAnyRoad Sat 04-Jul-15 23:13:21

Could you tell him that since this seems to have become a permanent thing then you're going to need hi to be at your house at a certain time every morning and that you think it's only fair that petrol costs are now split three ways. I think that's totally reasonable and if he chooses to decline at least it won't be you bring the bad bastard for refusing him a lift!

Next time, just pull up outside your house and say, "This is as far as we go!" - let him walk the rest.

DoreenLethal Sat 04-Jul-15 23:13:33

you have to weigh up the cost of fuel, the wasted time against the feeling bad. Note - he didnt feel enough to give you petrol money so why are you feeling bad about him?

YouTheCat Sat 04-Jul-15 23:15:54

Tell him you'd be happy to drop him near a bus stop near yours but you need to get the kids home and that extra 30 minutes of driving is something you could do without.

That way he's still getting a lift. You can (at your discretion) offer to drive him the full distance if you're feeling charitable and the weather is crap and he needs to understand that there might be days when you are heading in the opposite direction.

TendonQueen Sat 04-Jul-15 23:24:37

As above: 1) just take him to your house, he can then walk/bus it from there. You're still doing him a favour but not putting yourself out for it. 2) Ask for a nominal contribution to petrol money for the lift every day. If he's genuinely a nice guy he will not find this unreasonable.

DeeWe Sat 04-Jul-15 23:55:33

Take him to your house and he can walk from there. 10 minutes drive isn't far to walk.

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime Sun 05-Jul-15 00:08:47

I don't think you should give him a lift, but I disagree with DeeWe that 10 minutes' drive isn't far to walk. I Iive in a city and could be nearly an hour's walk away in 10 mins. And a lot more if you're driving on a road out of town. Ten minutes at 60mph is 10 miles.

BackforGood Sun 05-Jul-15 00:25:38

This :
Tell him you'd be happy to drop him near a bus stop near yours but you need to get the kids home and that extra 30 minutes of driving is something you could do without

Just let him know that it takes 1/2 an hour to take him home and get back because of the traffic, it's not working for you to have the dc in the car that extra time each day, and offer him the choice if it's better for him to get the bus from work, or to get himself home from your house / or somewhere en-route- (near a bus stop perhaps) you could easily drop him.

Madamacadamia Sun 05-Jul-15 00:39:46

Say something like - Sorry, can't give you a lift, the traffic's so bad at rush hour it would takes me too long to get back home from your house.

He should get the hint (clear enough!), but if not he's too thick skinned to mind whatever you say.

SycamoreMum Sun 05-Jul-15 00:50:03

Don't feel bad, just drive really quickly past the bus stop and keep your head straight. He must of felt/known he was taking liberties by having you go out of your way.

ravenAK Sun 05-Jul-15 00:59:24

<breezily> 'Hi Fred, we can drop you on the main road before we turn into our street, is that any help? Or is it as easy for you just to get the bus from work? Got stuck for half an hour coming back from yours to ours the other day, or I'd be suggesting we make it a regular thing for petrol money - but you can imagine, another half hour for kids stuck in car after school...nightmare <roll eyes & laugh>'

It'll be fine.

RachelRagged Sun 05-Jul-15 09:13:16

What others said .

Why not give him a lift as far as your home and then he can walk if its only 10 minutes or so to his own house.

chewymeringue Sun 05-Jul-15 09:20:00

It's astonishing how inconsiderate some people can be! Please either tell him no lifts or insist he gets out at your house!

I've been giving Dd's friend a lift home from an activity for months now. He lives in the middle of a long, double parked, narrow road a few streets from us. If something is coming the other way you have to reverse all the way back, giant pita. Last week I finally said "I'm just going to drop you at the end of your road love because I don't want to get stuck". He was quite happy. Don't ask him or justify yourself just tell him.

chewymeringue Sun 05-Jul-15 09:29:48

He's being incredibly selfish not to suggest this himself. Just tell him what you are going to do and leave it at that, "I'm happy to drop you at ours from now on, the traffic is too bad to go back on myself". End of conversation. I have to do this all the time to the multitude of Dd's mates whose families never seem available to give them lifts!

Madamacadamia Thu 09-Jul-15 20:50:48

IME offering lifts is fraught with danger. Liftees often seem to assume it is a permanent arrangement, while for you it is a one-off, or occasional. Even worse is when other well-meaning interfering people at events suggest you can give someone else a lift. Then you can potentially upset two people at the same time (if not more), along with yourself.

CrystalHaze Thu 09-Jul-15 20:55:11

Tell him you'd be happy to drop him near a bus stop near yours but you need to get the kids home and that extra 30 minutes of driving is something you could do without

^^ this
Add something along the lines of how that extra half hour makes it difficult to fit homework etc in before tea.

Spog Thu 09-Jul-15 21:07:45

agree with those who say you could drop him to your house.
as long as he doesn't come in expecting his tea handed up.
you've done more than enough to date.
don't feel guilty.

WhyTheDrama Thu 09-Jul-15 21:09:49

I can't believe you have been doing this for six months.

Six months = 24 weeks = 96 days

96 X 30 mins = 48 hours of your life!

Why on earth did you leave it so long. If I were you as soon as I'd realised I didn't want to do it (which would have been on day two wink ) I would have told him that I can't give him a lift the whole way. It wouldn't have crossed my mind to be embarrassed or worried about telling him. I'm baffled how some people struggle with these things. I'm not rude or blunt to people.

I agree that he should have offered petrol money but as you can't control his behaviour and you can control you own you could just have asked him for some. I'd have said Jim, if I'm giving you a lift everyday how about giving me some money towards the petrol. I was thinking of a £1 a trip, how does that sound?

I know it's easier said than done but once you get into the habit of being a bit more upfront and honest with people it gets easier and easier. I can find myself feeling a bit awkward but I never let that stop me from politely and sensitively asserting myself

Lecture over wink

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