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To think that cremation/burial should be free?

(103 Posts)
AccordingToOurRecords Sat 04-Jul-15 11:22:05

We will all die and so our bodies will need to be disposed of. Whether you opt for a cremation or burial, it costs a fortune. It has to be done but why do we have to pay so bloody much. I think it is a service that should be free, not the whole funeral ( that's my second winge) but the actual disposal of the body.

Also, AIBU to feel that funerals have become another way for people ( when at there most vulnerable ) to be pressurised into thinking the amount you spend = the amount you love a person.

I recently organised a funeral, I was shocked that when I sat down with the funeral director I was told that they were £1600 cheaper than elsewhere locally. It really annoyed me that money came before compassion. Tried another FD, I was told I absolutely must have this and must have that at ridiculous cost. In the end I thought sod it, I'll sort everything myself. I'm not mean but I'm not being taken advantage of by money grabbers masked by fake respectfulness. It's just business at the end of the day to them.

Then there are T.V. Adverts for prepaid funeral plans. Listing the costs of a funeral and how will your loved ones cope with the expense which they estimated to be about 7k. Seriously? The pressure to provide such things as catering and a venue is ridiculous, it's not a wedding( and yes, I think weddings are no longer about what they are supposed to be about).

A wake used to be close friends and family back to the house for a cup of tea, sandwich and a sherry to raise a glass to the deceased.

AIBU to think you show how much you love/care for/ respect a person when they are alive not by spending silly money when they are dead. I probably am BU sad ........... Gloves up, feet a shuffling....ding ding.

DonkeyOaty Sat 04-Jul-15 11:33:57

Yes it is terribly expensive

We paid over £5 k for my Dad's funeral. But - the FD did everything, he guided us through the beauracracy (sp) he liased with Vicar and Council and so on.

No catering , we had tea and cake at Mama's after.

silveroldie2 Sat 04-Jul-15 11:37:33

Your idea is totally illogical and unworkable.

If we go with your idea there will be no funeral directors, no coffin, no grave diggers, no-one to operate the crematorium, no priests. What will you do? wrap the body in a blanket and sling it in the back of the car to take it to crematorium. You would then need to work the furnace, sling the body in - or take to a cemetary, dig a hole - throw the body in, cover in hole.

Silly.

OllyBJolly Sat 04-Jul-15 11:38:25

Yes - YABU

Nothing is free. Everything has to be paid for. I'm happy to pay for my own funeral etc and would hope my family are strong enough to resist any inducement to go for a ten course banquet and horse drawn carriage. I'm not happy to pay for everyone else's funeral via my tax.

Undertaking is a business. Why shouldn't it be - people have to be paid. Like any other service, find one you trust to deliver what you want at a price you are comfortable with.

I've organised a few funerals and have always been advised on the most cost effective way to do things. My father lived rurally and people travelled a fair distance. It would have been disrespectful to expect them to travel to a house another 40 miles away for a sausage roll, so we went to a hotel local to the crematorium. I have been to many wakes in houses - including one where we were advised to "Bring your own pieces" - that was fine - and everyone brought far too much.

Stop watching daytime TV - that's where the pressure is coming from.

SisterMoonshine Sat 04-Jul-15 11:41:44

If there is no money you can have a basic state funeral.

WiIdfire Sat 04-Jul-15 11:42:30

Well it can be free. If you collect the body yourself, store it at home, find a suitable bit of ground and dig the grave yourself.
Invite some family/ friends along and say some words, read some poetry etc., then perform the burial.

I'm sorry if it sounds a bit blunt, but you are paying people to perform all those services/ duties for you, so I'm not sure why you think they should work for nothing, or who else should pay them.

You dont have to have flowers, you dont even have to have a ceremony and you certainly dont have to have a wake. (You probably do have to have certain bits of paperwork to be official, but thats not thousands of pounds worth).

You say it 'is just a business to them' - well of course it is! Why would they do it otherwise?

elderfloweriver Sat 04-Jul-15 11:43:09

Oh I know what you mean - it feels awful to be thinking about cost at such a time doesn't it? flowers

knackered69 Sat 04-Jul-15 11:45:54

My mum died in September ,and my sister died a few weeks ago. Re opening the grave was a huge cost - they have a three person grave with my dad at the bottom (he died a few years ago) and each time it was around £800.

My mums funeral came to around 4K.
When my sister died a few months later I was so numb I kinda just said to the funeral directors "same again please..
" blush again that was around 4K.

I pulled out the stops at her service though and spoke for 15 minutes about her, had her photos up, and invited people (work, friends, etc) to get up and share their memories and thoughts - even the vicar was crying at one point...

Sorry for the ramblings blush

Spydra Sat 04-Jul-15 11:49:43

There are state funerals if you don't have the money. Presumably the profit from those who can afford it, covers the deficit for those who can't. (Like tax then!)

AccordingToOurRecords Sat 04-Jul-15 11:50:25

I never said the whole funeral should be free, just the disposal of the body as in cremation/burial. I also didn't say there shouldn't be a funeral. Funeral directors can and do take advantage of people.

AccordingToOurRecords Sat 04-Jul-15 11:52:46

To be honest I'm only little and would never manage to sling a body anywhere. I really didn't say do away with funerals.

AccordingToOurRecords Sat 04-Jul-15 11:54:24

Olly, the tv advert was on in the evening. Don't be so patronising.

SisterMoonshine Sat 04-Jul-15 11:54:39

I think it's the counci who pay for funerals on the welfare state.

StoryOfMyLife Sat 04-Jul-15 11:56:51

I don't think it's logical either, the government or local authorities would have to cover the cost and this would be another huge financial strain.

That being said when my daughter died all of the people offered their services for free, we only paid for the coffin, flowers and head stone. I think this is often the case for children's funerals and I was very grateful.

AccordingToOurRecords Sat 04-Jul-15 11:57:21

Spydra, I didn't say I didn't have the money.

Bonkerz Sat 04-Jul-15 11:57:32

My mum died nearly 10 years ago. We totally relied on her insurance to pay for it all. Eventually the funeral cost £1100 which included grave with 100 year rights/ church service/ cars for sibling and coffin and body collection and storage. We had to pay extra for service booklet, and we did wake at home on budget of £80. Mum didn't have a headstone for 18 months and we had to save £800 for that
Thank goodness the funeral directors were lovely and allowed us to go ahead and bury our mum despite knowing we had no way of paying (or how much we had) until insurance was sorted.

Perfectlypurple Sat 04-Jul-15 11:57:53

Yabu. Who do you think should pay?

My an had a ore paid funeral. Her wake was very cheap, around a few hundred pounds top. We went to a social club and had a small amount of food put on. No pressure from anyone to spend more than we wanted to and it was the sort of place she liked and the sort of wake she would have enjoyed.

I think people put pressure on themselves rather than from other people to have an all singing all dancing funeral.

elderfloweriver Sat 04-Jul-15 11:59:10

I'm so sorry story

hedwig2001 Sat 04-Jul-15 11:59:11

Unfortunately, the pressure to provide a "decent" funeral goes back a long time.
My grandfather never forgave his father, for allowing my great grandmother to have a paupers funeral. She was the 19th person, buried in a 20 person plot.

Costacoffeeplease Sat 04-Jul-15 12:07:04

I think pre-paid funerals are really good - my grandfather had one and when he died in 2007, all we had to do was hand over the certificate and we knew that he had chosen what he wanted and we didn't have any dilemma over how expensive the coffin should be etc - and he paid substantially less than it would have cost if we'd had to pay for it at 2007 prices

WhyTheDrama Sat 04-Jul-15 12:07:58

I understand what you are suggesting OP but I can't see how it would work. Personally I would be happy for my body to burnt in a medical waste incinerator along with hospital waste. Perhaps the idea that that could be free isn't that too far fetched.
Paupers burial cost the councils (?) a wide range of amounts. I think the cheapest ones only cost a couple of hundred quid. There was an article about it on the BBC (I think)

WhyTheDrama Sat 04-Jul-15 12:13:26

I found the BBC ARTICLE HERE. Apparently the cheapest 'public health' funerals were in Merthyr Tydfil and only cost less than £110.

IUseAnyName Sat 04-Jul-15 12:14:44

Is there an alternative to having a religious ceremony or burial in church grounds?..... I've recently heard about woodland burials which I like the sound of. But is there a way if doing it all without a vicar or any religious aspect?

Birdsgottafly Sat 04-Jul-15 12:15:48

""Well it can be free. If you collect the body yourself, store it at home, find a suitable bit of ground and dig the grave yourself.""

That's illegal. A licence and permission is needed to dispose of Human Remains.

Given that you haven't got the option of using your own methods to get rid of a body, then I can see your logic, OP.

It's a Public Health matter, that passed from the "Parish" to the Individual, rather than the Welfare State, unlike other services such as giving birth etc.

But death isn't a choice we make.

For those on benefits the DP pays for a basic funeral, around £2,500 and as said a State funeral can also be provided.

AccordingToOurRecords Sat 04-Jul-15 12:18:39

I use, yes you can have anyone lead the funeral service. A vicar/priest costs £185 and a celebrant cost about £80. However, you or someone you know can lead the service for free. Personally I would prefer someone who actually knew me to talk about me/for me.

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